Wow Rouky - AMAZING job getting through everything!
You mentioned hating your h right now. I think in this process, we all learn the fine art of hating someone in a cordial fashion. The key, for me, has how do I come out of this healthier (physically, emotionally and spiritually). Whatever happens in my situation, if I ever told people the whole story, I would want them to say: but you seem so happy and healthy?
2X2Many posted something like the following recently and I find it to be great advice: the best revenge is to lead a great, joyful life.
Keep going! We are all cheering you on . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Very proud of you Rouky. You are strong and you are beautiful and you will be OK. The new house is your accomplishment in spite of your ex. Make it home to you and your girls and be sure to have a house warming party!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I'm settling well in my house (such a nice feeling to say that it's mine). I feel refreshed as if I had left the drama behind with the old house. The last couple of days I have found myself back at work ( Rouky York before kids, really focused, efficient and enjoying work)!
A change of environment was what I needed. For the last 2 days H has hardly been present in my mind! I have unpacked two third of my stuff and I'm proud of it. Few friends popped round, they all loved the house and said I had done well and that they have a good feeling about this house! So do I!
Kids are a bit grumpier as we live a bit further afield , they done like early wake up call. Got a text from one SIL wishing me happiness and love in new house. I replied thanking her. H was strange on Monday. He dropped a screw at new house while kids and I were at a nearby park, but what I found funny is that he had to drive and see where the kids and I were, just for him to tell me that he dropped the screw)!It did make me smile as for me he'd dropped the thing through letter box and I would have seen it once back at home, so really I felt there was no need for him to find me and telling me!
I have stopped texting a guy as I feel I can't be bothered with it and I'm realising I don't need a man! Other than that and being shattered, I feel content and now is the time for me to rebuild myself :-)
You sound great! I'm glad to read that you are unpacking and settling in okay. The kids will get use to an earlier wake up call as time moves along.
Enjoy your new home and the freedom it brings w/it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So lovely to read all the positives in your post Rouky! You deserve some peace and happiness at last. Agree that H's behavious was strange re the screw. We will never understand what is going on in their heads!
I might sound like a bad mother, but kids spent their first night during the week with their dad and I had a good evening. I got on with more unpacking and wasn't stressed to get kids in bed! Though I didn't sleep that well as I guess I was missing them.
Tomorrow will my first week in my house and I feel stronger by the day. Still think from time to time about my situation, but I have got to admit that no longer being in marital home is such a relief!
H gave me his holidays date and I have to admit it hurt me as we had said that the first thing we will do when the house is sold is go on a family vacation. Now I understand what he has felt when I was going to see my parents! But this doesn't excuse what he did, and I needed/ need to see my family too!
In a way I'm laughing because I know that it's finally over between us and that we will never R, but H said that he'd file for divorce as soon as house is sold, but instead he is going on holidays! It has been 16 months since we have been separated, now I feel I'm divorced and I have to put up with H because of the kids! I don't pray anymore for R or saving my M, I'm praying to carry on becoming a better me, to a better life for my kids and me.
Today I got told by a colleague how amazing she thinks I am because she said that I only took 2 days off work in the last 16 months ( break up, dad's heart surgery, mum's breast ablation and moving house all on my own!), and it was the first time I truly believe this compliment. I'm realising I'm stronger than I think I am and that was/ is only my mind that makes me doubt myself when the evidence are pointing in the other direction.
I also have faith in God and I genuinely believe that everything will work out in the end.
H really knows how to bring the worst out of me! He turned up late to pick up kids on Friday and dropped them early today! I guess he was in a rush to see OW! It was good that I didn't go out as I planned as I'd not have been in for the kids!
He is behaving towards me the same way as he was/ is with his ex! I have to stop thinking and wishing for us to R! I thought that he'd change as it's his second time round that he has to deal with the mother of his children! I guess he'll never learn and I guess I have to move on and forget that we will ever go back together!
Sorry your H is still making things as difficult for you as he can. I don't understand people any more, why should he. Complicate things more, why not try to co-parent as well as possible under the circumstances? I'm sending you strength and patience. An make sure you take care of yourself!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
H texted me last night to tell me about his friend's father death! I really don't understand it, I thanked him for letting me know and asked him if there anything he'd like me to do, but no reply! Why would he text me about it, if we are no longer a couple? I only replied as I would normally would for a friend. I thought being in my own house would be simple and easier but obviously not. Didn't have the kids last weekend and I really missed them. Still can believe that my family unit has exploded! Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't meant to be with H, better things will come my way! Honestly I can't see it! Probably I'm like that because I'm tired ( I suffer from hay ever and lately it has been horrendous!)
Just had an interesting conversation with IC as the last week has been a bit rocky for me. Couldn't or wouldn't want H out of my head? I was surprised when she told me I was amazing, I know she is right as the last 16 months have seen their share of bad things, but I find it hard to believe in me. IC said that it will take a bit longer to get rid of all the negativity about myself that have been fed to me since childhood and reinforced by H! Basically I said that what I'm trying to do (believe I my worth and that I deserve the best), then she corrected by saying that what you are doing! I really needed that! I know I'm amazing but I just need to believe it.
When I met H I became friend with his boyfriends' girlfriends and despite what happened I'm still in touch with them and invited to birthdays, christening etc.., and my IC said that it says a lot about how people see me. She added that usually during a split people tend to side with the person they knew first, but in my case I'm still included. One of my good friend was also a wife from this group and her XH also cheated on her and is about to get married to OW, but unlike me she has been completely sided by the rest of group unlike me. So IC reinforced that those people valued me enough to still include me in their activities if I was to compare my situation with my friend. I have to admit that did boost my confidence as I felt appreciated! IC even commented that if I don't see it/ feel it that I'm getting better, she can se it because of my body language and my facial expression. She reckons that I'm getting more confident. All in all it was a good session, just need to believe what people are telling me about me!
