Still more detachment, (less) anxiety and the joys of limbo

[JksD]

Ooh. The part about the chipmunk surgery got me! I knew you were something else!

I used to journal before I met xh. Now, I journal here. You're right. It is easier to type than write, even if it's 1 finger typing on my handphone.

Yes, it is hard not to have someoNe to share our accomplishments with. But you can share them here and we'll root for you.

[SH_]

Phoebe, what a blessing to have your parents nearby and that you were able to enjoy a good meal with them. Such a blessing and a therapeutic event.
The nutrition will do you good.
I find trying to eat in those moments that I am feeling good, the chore is a bit more enjoyable.

Surgery on a chipmunks??

I am speechless. Where does one learn such a skill, and how often does one get the chance to perform this? I chuckle at the sight of this in my mind.

And yes TOOT that horn of yours loud and proud. That is the real you coming out and the world, and you deserve to hear and see you.

Have a peaceful day, enjoy the weather outside, share your prayers with God, and spend some time with good people if possible.

That feeling of our WAS coming back seems to be a common one. I have felt it many times, and have seen others that do as well. At first I would tell myself that I was crazy and get upset that I would feel that. Other times I would hold onto the feeling as it gave me comfort. But now it just stings and I try to force it out quickly as I can not stand the disappointment that it causes me. I am not sure if I hold onto the hope my WAW can or ever will come out of the fog. I don't know if it is a good thought or not, but maybe I am just getting calloused now with each passing day. The pendulum swinging from sad, to mad, to disappointment to hope, is becoming exhausting with each passing day.
I apologize, I did not mean to rant on your thread Phoebe.

Keep Dbing, because we know it is for us first. And that is what we control.



Hugs to start your day((((Phoebe))))

[Phoebe]

Well, just for the record, I'm a vet, even if I haven't done paid work in a while. Surgery is nothing new. The fun thing was that it was a chipmunk. It was nothing major, just a tail amputation after a devolving injury. Poor thing, but MissShort Tail is back in the wild now. Let's just say, however, that my shaking all the time makes my working with the public kind of impossible.

Slept poorly again, so I got up, took my anxiety meds and went back to bed and dozed for a few hours. Shaking like mad again right now. Probably ought to eat, but today is the first day I wish I could just stay in bed and hide all day long. Luckily, I can't. I've got my critters to care for. Still, it is 11 am and I'm still here hiding under the covers.

Must. Motivate.

I hate it that each time I've been exposed to H, even just seeing what he did in our house on this last trip without actually seeing him, I go into a tail spin.

[Phoebe]

Oh, that was my first chipmunk. : )

It's a rainy-misty type of day today, so I've decided to work indoors. Laundry, cleaning, and the like, but I think maybe some sewing, too. I enjoy it, so that's a bit of self-care, and I have a bunch of projects that are mid-stream. It would be nice to get some of them finished up.

I hope that everyone enjoys their weekend. Have some fun, and take good care of yourselves.

[Cherry]

Good on you for getting up and doing something. Think we all have those days we would love to stay in bed and do nothing. The hard part is getting up so good on you!

Sorry about the shakes, I'm with you. Eating is a chore. You sound like me, some people comfort eat- I go the opposite way. But you must try, think of it as putting gas in a car. No gas, it's not going to move anywhere. Our fuel is food- and we must keep on moving

[Phoebe]

I did eat, Cherry - 3 fresh eggs from my chicks and some toast. It's about what I can manage. Those birds have given me most of my nutritions these last few months. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months now. Limbo is the worst.

My weight has been holding steady for a few weeks other than a 2 pound drop after the last face-to-face with H. I might have managed to put that back on, but I'm not sure.

So, I'm up, (semi) motivated, animals are cared for, I'm showered and dressed (in well-fitting jeans), back in my own place, and I have some tasks done already.

Feeling kind of sad and lonely, but what else is new. Still NC with H since the texts.

[Phoebe]

What a dreary day. Anxious again. Sad. Lonely. Tired of everything that's been happening and wishing I could wake up one year from today and have this limbo over with, whichever way things shake out.

I'm really looking forward to seeing my therapist tomorrow. I always like him, but after seeing the house and 2 Ls last week, I've done the 2 steps backward thing in a big way. What's frustrating is that I was feeling so much better before all of that.

Today I have little to no feeling of optimism about my marriage. I've been thinking about the past and worrying about the future. Yes... I know none of that does me any good whatsoever. I need to take care of myself today. I'm going to try to focus on the next 24 hours. Actually I'm going to narrow that down to the next hour. That I can do.

[SH_]

SMILE Phoebe.

Even if you do not feel like it. Get a pencil and put it in your mouth if you have to to get a smile on your face. Google pencil smile if you are not sure what I mean.

And then hold it there for several moments. You will feel a bit better. And if not, go look in the mirror while it is in your mouth and you will chuckle.
Take a selfie with it in your mouth and send it to someone. It will make you laugh.

Do it now, you need to break the blues and dreariness for a few minutes.
Watch a funny show or watch a funny YouTube video.

Check out electroboom and the electric guitar or one you may enjoy called neature walk. These will make you laugh.

Laughter is the medicine that you need right now.

Please let me know how it works for you and I will share with you what d17 and I do for our gut splitting laughing medicine this afternoon.

Sandi2 recommended it on the gratitude thread, and I liked the idea.

[Phoebe]

SadHub I did the pencil smile thing and felt so silly while I was driving, that I started laughing. Then I watched the first Neature video. Also made me laugh, and interesting because I recognized the area where it's filmed, which was fun.


Now I'm taken by myself to another movie.

[Phoebe]

Wow. Typos.

The Finest Hours is an excellent movie. A bit of a love story, but really good.