A drone flying over head? Sounds like your h is very curious about what you are doing and unfortunately, I call this spying/stalking. He can't understand why you are doing things a bit differently these days, so what better way to see what you are doing then to "drone" you. He's trying to see if there is someone in your life and that's why you've distanced/disconnected from him and his situation. He doesn't understand that you've had enough and are flying solo and enjoying life and your son. I seriously doubt that he will own up to spying on you. I had a feeling that drone wasn't just for entertainment and yes, it's going to get him into trouble if he's not mindful of the privacy of others. But that's not your problem to worry about except if it gets out of hand when he's doing it to you.
I might be wrong, but I don't think your h is ready for marriage counseling. Why do I think that? Because he couldn't even get himself together to go to the joint session when it came to your son. Your h still has a lot of personal issues to resolve before he can focus on the relationship/marriage. But, that's my two cents.
Lol ... have to laugh, its never boring with a MLCr is it?? Next week that drone will be flying in your house!!
I agree with job, no way he is set for MC, and still needs to do IC to deal with the torpedo that blew up in his brain and deal with that before he can come to grips with what this has done to the marriage and family over the past 2-3 years right?
Looking back at my sitch, MC session 1 failed (I didnt know about MLC at that time) due to OM (didnt know that either) and it was just a way for her to justify out M was on the rocks and about over. MC 2 failed ... OM still in picture but she wanted to say she tried MC 3 (Retroville) Failed ... she had for the time eliminated OM, but never touched on her issues, reverted back to what I had done while her stuff was to be forgiven/forgotten/or swept under the rug.
My point with all ^^^ ... her chit was never addressed nor worked on, you can not fix a M or R if one of the key components is still broken and in denial about it.
Oh my goodness - the drone in action again?? Whatever next?! It is a little telling that your H didn't respond to your query I think!
Maybe you need a drone defence system now?
I would agree with others that he doesn't sound ready for MC. I also agree that there seems to be some feeling there still. What you want to do at this point is of course up to you though. I think one of the big problems of MLC is it doesn't happen on a short timescale and I think many of us LBS's go through the whole journey, get done and move on before the MLCer is ready to re-look at the M. I think that's the really sad part and I feel it in my own sitch.
Anyway just my 0.2c and hope you've had a drone-free day today xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You guys crack me up. The drone was weird and yes, a bit creepy. I can see why people feel violated with those things!
I called H out on it tonight when I dropped off S. I asked, so that wasn't you yesterday?? He just stared at me. I said, the drone? He said no, wasn't me. He said, you think I would do that then not respond to you? (Weird comment) I said, I texted you and you never answered? He said he didn't get a text, pulled out his phone, said shoot it's dead.
Whatever. I may never know.
I then told H I have calendars printed up for us to go over together and plan out the holidays. He says, ok, did you bring mine? I said, no, we need to sit down and go over it together.....he looked like he had no idea what I was talking about....
Job, I hear you laughing....
So I told him, if it's ok with him, instead of doing dinner, to go take a walk or hike instead to talk some stuff out. (Now I feel all the men cringing! I know...) So he said, sure, whatever, with complete disinterest.
So, I am not going to let this go. Holidays have to be worked out between us. I hope, during that time, to get in his head just a wee bit.
Bttrfly and Sotto, I agree that feelings are still there, I dont feel our story is quite over...
Cali and Job, I agree 100%, H is not ready for MC. I dont think either of us are, we are not there right now.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I love the way he swept the drone issue under the carpet. I can't see anyone else doing it, but who knows. If he didn't get the text, why respond with "you think I would do that then not respond to you?" Trust me, he got your text. I think he told on himself just a wee bit. He got caught! I think he was gaslighting you. LOL!
I think you are wise in discussing a schedule for the holidays. Of course, he had no idea what you were talking about...he thinks things will remain the same, but unfortunately, that is about to change.
No, your story is not over. In fact, a new chapter is about to begin.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
First bedazzled jeans, now a drone mystery. Sotto, you may be on to something there, but if not H, could be some perv or weirdo!
I forgot to mention a few more things. S and I got to H house before him last night, waited about 5 minutes. When H pulled in, he was blaring my favorite band, the one I just saw at concert, window down, and made a point to stop in front of me so I could hear. He stayed there until I finally responded with a smile, then he pulled into his parking spot. Now he is listening to my reggae? He listens mainly to country.
Also, he mentioned running into me at playday when he brought the sunscreen for S. I told him I couldn't believe he drove all the way home and all the way back, that he could have just let me know and I would have brought it over for him (I work around the corner from school) He said, I didn't, I had it in my truck...then he sheepishly said they had just gotten there, they were late. So once again H overslept and got S to school almost 2 hours late. He said when he saw me at school, he got worried it was because I was looking for S.
I emailed the teacher to ask if this happens often. I know of at least 3 times this year....makes me wonder how often it happens and how often he oversleep when he doesn't have S!
Which brings me to one more thing I want to share with you guys. I was talking with my girlfriend and her husband last weekend, both dropped friends of H, about legal separation. The husband spoke up and said I want to say one thing and that's it. He said, if you make custody legal, ask for H to do drug testing, make sure S is safe when with him. He wouldn't say why or anything further about it, he still considers H a friend and is hurt by the whole situation.
This is not the first time I have heard this from our friends and I have had my own suspicions. It sure would explain ALOT! It has given me some food for thought and maybe a direct reason to file for legal separation....
Should I ask him flat out about drug use when we talk? Or just leave it be until I see proof? We are talking about a child involved here, Curious what your thoughts are. For some background....H played with drugs when younger, but never while with me. He does currently hang out with a friend of his who had a vikadin addiction. He also has mentioned an old friend of mine, who he got the dog house from, who had drug problems too.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Do you think you'll get an honest answer about drug use from your h? I don't think so. I could be very wrong about this, but I think your h stays up late and then over sleeps. Crisis people in many cases can't sleep because they can't shut their minds off.
My lawyer thought the same thing was going on w/my h, but he wasn't using drugs at all...the man was just burning the candle at both ends.
If you are going to make the custody/visitation legal, I would have it stipulated that your son is required to be at school on time and if that is a problem, then maybe your son needs to be spend time with his father on Friday and Saturday nights and on Sunday nights if Monday is a holiday. Getting your child to school late because he's overslept doesn't cut it w/me. Yes, I can undersand if the electric goes off, but they have cell phones and alarm clocks that they can set to wake them up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and swims like a duck it isn't a moose ... my point ? you have had more than one person bring this up. Don't ask him about it. Just put it in play. make sense? you won't get a straight answer.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Mleigh - if he can't own up to doing a fly-by w/the drone, I don't see him admitting to anything more serious.
But, I think it was smart to ask for how many tardies your son has had this year and to determine when was he signed in on those late arrival dates. 2 hours late?!? Mine is not an oversleeper. He is too busy trying to outrun the Grim Reaper that haunts him! He burns the candle at both ends.
I only have experience with my MLCer, but it's up close and personal and I can certainly see how people could believe they are on drugs when that fog is so deep and that confusion is massive. It's a sight to see. Unless this friend has seen it, I wouldn't assume. But, to people who don't know what's going on, I can totally see why they would assume that.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
