Well, the wife had a wedding to do last night. She said she was coming home early. I simply shot her a text when I knew she was lying if I should wait up for her? (I wasn't confrontational at all with her. A few hours later she wrote: Don't ask me that. I'm coming home. After the wedding.
Well, its 5:30 in the morning and she is not here. I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night worried about her.
As expected sadly, your WW is an addict with cross addictions. I would make sure you are clear that you do not want addiction near your children.
Please ensure that you documentoo all of this.
Addicts behave like addicts, it's like saying why does that dog bark please tell it to stop barking. Dogs bark.
There is a story about a frog and a scorpion, the scorpion asked the frog to carry him across the river, the frog said you are a scorpion and will kill me. The scorpion said if I do I will drown, so the frog agreed.
Half way across the river the scorpion stung the frog, the frog said now we will both die, why? And the scorpion said I am a scorpion it is my Karma to sting.
So it is with addicts.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you so much for the advice. I love the scorpion/frog analogy. It is so true. WW sent me a text on the way home asking me if I hated her. Then when she came home she admitted to going to OM's house after the wedding. Said she had a glass of wine and fell asleep. She is now sleeping on the couch and I'm going to take our son and leave for the day.
I've got to start doing things for myself instead of being my enabling self. Instead of sitting her waiting on her to wake up. I'm going to have a good day.
I have also thought a lot about your enabling comments and I have come up with some ways to stop doing it.
I even asked her this morning to pack her stuff and go live with the OM since it is affecting me and our children so much. She said no because she loves us and doesn't want to go.
It is said that the OM is nothing more than an addiction too. She doesn't love the OM and has no intention of being with him. I've got to make significant changes for myself because me being so codependent is bringing me down. Before I met her I was full of life and had a great life. I've allowed (not her fault) this situation to cause me to lose 30 pounds and I too am sick (addicted to her).
I plan on being at alanon meetings this week--provided she is not stoned when I leave.
I loved the thread you shot me from Thornton. Glad to know I don't have to go at this alone and that there are such caring people out there like you.
You are not alone, there are addicts on this board and codependents.
It is YOU and your children that concern me most. WW needs her big girl pants on.
Cake and eat it seems appropriate to me.
Your Alanon group is important in these early days, if you can find a sponsor (I found two, one for assistance in practical matters and one to give me backbone), I could literally have been poured into a wheelbarrow, I lacked a spine.
Gradually I set boundaries, it was tough and of course you are welcome to read how in pieces I was. At one point I said disgust wasn't a boundary for me, I felt I deserved the R.
I am praying for you and your children that YOU get the support you deserve. It's time for extreme self care. Really time to know your health and watch your numbers.
Keep posting and reviewing those who have dealt with similar sitches and find strength.
Big hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I need to get better at exploring the site to find posts regarding addicts and codependents. I started seeing a psychiatrist today. Big step for me to getting healthy. I also think finding a job is going to be huge for me--as it will give me options. Please pray for this as well.
My WW is going to the gym, get makeup and therapy this evening. I am going to keep myself busy with chores and kids and leaving her to God. Giving up the control is the hardest part for me. But I will not be texting or calling to check on her.
Thank you for all of your support.
Scott
I'm going to make it. I deserve to be treated right!!!
V asked me to check in on your sitch and lend you some support.
You have received some great advice and as I see it you are taking some good steps. I do want to reiterate with the upmost importance, that you must take care of your children. This must be your top priority.
I would also encourage that you google information about codependency. This can provide you with insights that can help you. Remember that you must focus on your behaviors and the safety of your children.
There are many here that will support you and pray for you, so keep posting, keep working to make the changes for you and your children, and gather a support group in your area that can assist you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
There is little point in your WW putting on war paint and tinkering in the engine room when the ship needs to go to dry dock for an overhaul.
Presenting a facade whilst the boat is rusting underneath.
The IC isn't doing much for her and she knows that one day a complete intervention is required and as an addict has not yet reached acceptance point. For some addicts it's scraping the bottom of the barrel that creates the reality. When the weight of the barnacles and the slow leaks can no longer be patched. They are unfit to sail and stay in harbour.
For the moment she is patching her life.
Soon I think the vulnerabilities of your choice of WW will occur to you. By looking inwards the answers will come.
My prayers are with you today
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I emailed with her therapist earlier today and without him telling me I knew she didn't go last night. She said she was going to the gym at 4:30 and then going to see him. She came home stoned at 7:45 last night.
Also, I knew something was up yesterday when she acted very loving and sweet to me all day long. It is as if she is trying to make me think everything is ok so she can go do what she wants to do with the OM and I won't get suspicious. I can't confront her on last night as I don't want to throw the therapist under the buss. And honestly, at this point, what good would it do?
She's been trying to call me but I am ignoring her call. She gives me hope and then pulls this and rips the scab right off of the wound.
I don't understand why she doesn't just go live with the OM. It would be so much easier for me and my boys. I feel very sad and hopeless today. I'm never going to heal while living with her. But, I currently am still unemployed (big job interview on Monday) and she knows she has me stuck. There is also the issue of the kids. I can't leave them with her alone. Trying to take them from her would be a challenging task at best. I currently don't have 10k to do it and I'd have to pay for her fees too.
