5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.

[Rose888]

Natus, I'm not taking a hard stance either.

On the other hand, we're still making love, so I'm pretty sure I'm breaking all kind of rules.

[Cristy]

Hello Natus,

I'm in the office until 6pm central time. I have also sent a response to your email. Let's connect soon so we can figure out the logistics.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Stormchaser]

Natus, I'm not taking a hard stance either.

On the other hand, we're still making love, so I'm pretty sure I'm breaking all kind of rules.

Don't worry, Rose, I did the same thing. In my case it was hysterical bonding (HB). I think in my sitch it helped bring us closer.

[Natus]

Yea.... Making love would be a huge step up from current position. Nowhere near that right now.

Hi Christy, i am about 13hours ahead. Ill try to make a call sometime today 27Apr18 around 4pm central time (5am my time GMT+8).

[cubebot]

Natus,

I think you need to keep "doing you". I think your wife is still grieving the OM and thus her ups & downs. DON"T get me wrong, this is an important part of the process, but don't be to eager. Don't sweep this under the rug. Until she says with remorse and repentance that she wants to make your M work, you are not out of the woods. The issues that got you into this sitch are in you, your M and your WW. NOT the OM. Just because he is gone, doesn't mean the problem is. If i were you, I would be reading everything I could on piecing, forgiveness, reconciliation and in DEEP prayer. This is probably going to be the hardest part. No expectations and Make sure that you do things right, that she puts in the work. That way you are never in this sitch again. Without fixing the issues, it is only hitting a "Snooze alarm" in you sitch. Keep posting, we are all here for YOU.

[Natus]

Thank you Cutebot. Its silly that i need to be constantly reminded of this.

Its interesting you said her ups and down because last night she slept in curled ball position again. That was after having a pretty good (i did not screw up) day.

[Natus]

Need to vent, hopefully im not spamming.

This lunch break my mind went to the dark place. I am having a problem handling that W's EA works in same office. Even though she has stated nothing is going on and she is always home by dinner. They are always working later than everyone else in their office by atleast an hour. An hour i know its just the two of them in the office most of the time.

I dont show it but i am not okay with it. I tell her i understand her work, which i do but i really cant handle that she sees OM everyday. I want to believe that its nothing but the demons on my shoulder whisper otherwise.

Cant ask her to quit, nowhere for her to move.

Aside from above no suspicious behavior at home or even on phone but she could be being careful.

[LiM]

Natus,

You are in a hard spot right now. The A has been exposed but as I know first hand, that doesn't mean it has stopped. It could be still going on right under your nose. Has your W expressed any remorse? Has she admitted to any wrong doing? Or is she just wanting to sweep all this under the rug. You've got to be careful about letting her back too easily and quickly. If things aren't dealt with properly, she'll go right back to the A. She works with him so its just too easy.
Definitely detach and don't pursue. Make her pursue YOU. LRT is definitely appropriate once and A is confirmed. You really shouldn't be pulling back from LRT unless you see that the fog is starting to clear, that they are remorseful and that they are willing to do the work to repair the damage they have done. Again, if not dealt with properly, they will go back to the A and even turn this EA into a PA. You've got to be strong and firm in how you deal with this. You did the right thing by contacting OM's W. Set boundaries and expect your WW to adhere to them. Can you look at her phone to make sure she's not emailing/texting/calling OM?

[doodler]

Natus,

I'm sorry about your situation. My wife is in an EA and I think dealing with an EA may possibly be a lot more difficult than a PA because it's so easy to dismiss as "just friends."

I'm glad you're not okay with your wife's EA. You shouldn't be okay with it; it's a violation of your marriage. My wife tried to paint me as the bad guy, and I actually questioned myself a number of times. It took a good MC to whack me over the head and wake me up.

I know this doesn't help you feel better right now, but I know what my MC would say to me if I were in your situation, "Yes, an hour extra at work is a long time."

I know how painful all of this stuff is for you; I'm living it. Do whatever you can to get your mind off of it. GAL, get some exercise and focus on happy stuff. Again I'm sorry about what's going on in your life right now; I hope you feel better soon.

[Stormchaser]

Nate, I feel for you. I'm in the same spot - W still works with OM and although she's expressed a TON of remorse and has sworn up and down nothing is going on, how do we TRULY know it just hasn't gone underground?

When I first found out, I told the wife I'll be monitoring her phone like a hawk. And sure enough, there is nothing on her phone. Again, that doesn't mean she's adding a chat program and deleting it immediately. OR - even, she may be just keeping the A going at work and I have no idea.

W can't find another job due to the situation she's in. She worked years to get to the position and income we've needed, so for her to quit would set us back horribly financially. But when I've brought it up before, she says, "I'm completely transparent with you, I don't know what else I can do to prove to you I'm 100% back into fixing the marriage and no longer involved with him. Why would I jeopardize the reconciliation?" Which is true, I mean, how else can you prove it? Short of putting a voice recorder on her 24/7, I only have her word. But I think this is something I have to bring up in MC.

Just recently, I found the OM W's phone number. I'm still on the fence about contacting her, being we're going into 3 months of recovery. MC said its a very bad idea, but still - I want the [censored] to suffer like I did.