Hi everyone, I have been lurking here for a couple of weeks, wish I had posted sooner but here is my story, where I stand and wondering what I should do next. Sorry if my post ends up long. And yes, I know I made a loot of DB mistakes and no-no's.
W (29) and I (33) have been married only 7 months, been together for 4.5 years, have a 2 year old.
I got the ILYBNILWY comment after she stopped wearing her wedding ring in January and I straight up asked her if she still loved me. I knew deep down she was having a at the very least an EA, but I was just in complete denial and tried to just change a lot of what she had complained about (and there were plenty of things I was lacking). I found out about the PA on February 15th. We were supposed to be leaving for California that week to take my D to Disneyland and to see my parents. We decided to take a cooling off week, I took the trip to CA with my D and she went home to her parents in Wisconsin.
While in CA I discovered that this was way more than just a fling, I read the e-mails and this had reached a very serious stage, lots of ILY's, him talking about leaving his wife and kids (he had 5) for my wife. I returned home and confronted my wife and told her that this had to stop, that she had to cease contact and we had to go to counseling. She left that night and told me she had quit her job (the OM is a chef at a restaurant she worked at) and was going to Wisconsin again because she needed time and space.
I ended up getting her to come home about 10 days later on the agreement that she was going to completely cease contact and we were going to return to therapy, she gave me her word that she truly wanted to be together and was going to try and move on. About 2 weeks into it I lost my grandmother and I took my daughter to Michigan for the funeral. My wife stayed in Chicago because she had just gotten a new job and was still in training that weekend. Upon returning things started to take a turn, she quit her job because she didn't like the very early hours on the weekends, but I suspected it was for other reasons. And ofcourse a couple of days later I get the "we need to talk, I'm not happy" , and she tells me that she wants to move back to her parents seek a legal separation and eventually a divorce. I was not happy and we fought non stop before she finally left. I asked her about OM and if this had anything to do with him and she told me, only in that she was depressed she hadn't spoken to him for a few weeks, but that she just didn't love me anymore and the separation had nothing to do with him.She left and we both agreed not to date during the separation, and she knew how I felt about the OM or any of his 5 kids being around my daughter.
Since going up there my wife had been very cold and distant to me, completely shooting down any ideas of reconciliation and saying that I couldn't stop her from divorcing me and that it was over. I did something I probably shouldn't have done and I hacked into her e-mail account this past Thursday. I found pretty graphic text messages that she had emailed herself from her phone, screen shots of themselves talking dirty and talking about wanting to see each other soon. I snapped and called her and said I was coming to take our daughter because my W is out of control, my MIL got on the phone and threatened to call the police if I came up there. I did call the next day and apologize to MIL for the argument and MIL acknowledged that I had reason to be upset but assured me that OM was not going to see my daughter while my W was living at there home.
W came down today to pickup my D after I had her for the weekend. We went for ice cream and again wife straight up told me that she had no interest in reconciliation, no interest in any kind of counseling (I mentioned DB center in Illinois) or anything like that. She went on her way, and I didn't know what to think, was it really over?
I called her tonight, I planned on it being my final phone call to her before going dark as best I can while splitting a child. I told her that I knew why she couldn't reconcile right now, I told her she could never love me because she is still so in love with him, that she knows deep down that she gave up to soon on the marriage, that she made a mistake falling for him, that she knows it's in our best interests to stay married etc. etc. I talked for a good 15 minutes, and she never interrupted me like she usually does. Finally I stopped and asked her if all of this was true and she said most of it was. I went on to say how I can't wait forever, that I still want to make this work but I can't wait years for her to end things with this man and come back to our family. I eventually need to move on with or without hurt. And she softly said "I know"
My question now is, what do I do from here. I have done a pretty nice job at GAL since this happened, even she mentioned that. At this point should I go dark and pull away, or should I try and follow this up with maybe trying to get her to counseling or DB coaching?
Thanks everyone,
Fin
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I was just offered a promotion to our Los Angeles office. I came clean to my boss about everything that is going on and how leaving my daughter and WW behind would be a challenge. He was understanding and told me to take a few days to decide.
Still don't know how to handle communication with WW
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
At this point you can't get her to do anything so trying to get her to go to counseling would likely backfire on you. Detaching and GAL activities are enormously helpful. Going completely dark would be challenging since you have a daughter that you want to be involved with.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial (especially regarding how to handle the job offer in LA.) Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I talked to the W today about the job offer and she told me to do what I think is best for myself, she reiterated to me again that she has no plans at all to reconcile. She says she isn't speaking to the OM anymore, I just have a hard time believing that because it was not even 2 weeks ago they were telling each other ILY and meeting up at hotels.
I still feel like a piece of me is missing, but I do feel better about my overall outlook on life outside the separation. I think as of now I am going to take the job in CA and really distance myself from her. But at this point, I am as pessimistic as I have been about reconciling since this whole thing started.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
WW had a rough day yesterday, I am working from home this week so I could spend more time with my daughter before likely leaving for California. Could tell when I had my D facetime her that she had been crying, I briefly spoke to her and she said she was no longer talking to the OM, I didn't push on who ended it, it could have been him but I also think my MIL may have told her that the affair was not going to continue while she was staying there, my MIL is very tough, but she is also fair and promised me the OM would never be around my daughter as long as she was living there.
Sometimes she says she is 100% done but then she leaves the littlest crack open every once in awhile. Today she told me OM made her feel so loved and she didn't think I could ever do that. I mentioned that I was taking the job out west and perhaps now was the time to just move on, she ofcourse asked me right away if I had filed already and then when I said no she says "Well, maybe in 4 months or so we can see where we are in life." But I don't anticipate reconciliation.
I think she is afraid of me filing for D, she is a total cake eater right now and it's actually making me consider that more and more.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
I took my D up to Wisconsin today and we talked briefly, and she now W tells me she is planning on divorcing me once she has her 90 days of residence in Wisconsin. She says marrying me was a mistake and she is looking for more from a relationship. I don't know if this is still the lingering feelings of the end of the PA/EA, that it's still going on or if she truly feels that way. As I said, we have been married only 7 months, and the PA and ILYBNILWY was discovered 4 months into it, I just don't know what to think and why this happened so soon, especially with a child in the picture.
tl2,
I raised this concern with the VP I will be reporting to, he told me that if all goes well with this acquisition and integration that I would at the very least be able to split time between LA and Chicago if not move back to Chicago completely in the fall.
I do have concerns about leaving at this point, but if the W is truly done, there is nothing I can do but just hope that she has a change of heart, and maybe being alone with our D will draw her back into the marriage, or maybe she will see me as abandoning her and solidify her decision even more.
I am done talking to her though, other than facetime connections and pickup/dropoff of D I am going to leave her alone and give her space.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
I would speak with a L first to see how leaving like that can be used against you in possible custody arrangements...just so you know what can likely be done and be able to be prepared to counter as necessary.
Leaving W alone is good for you. Just make sure you don't shoot yourself in the foot regarding daughter, custody, etc.
My D was final in early Jan, and we did a no-fault/uncontested in my state, but I still consulted with an L extensively to be sure I did either get screwed by her or inadvertantly screw myself. My kids are grown so custody wasn't an issue with us, but there were other financial and procedural decisions my L advisor was helpful in guiding me through.
Fin, Yes, be very careful about the residency/venue rules. You don't want to be defending against a D several time zones away. I am learning in my D that residency/time with kid is very important later to establishing custody/parenting time.
Regarding your LA transfer: You should see if you can get at least an email from your VP confirming your conversation. You don't want your D/custody screwed up for what seems like a temporary opportunity (that the company needs to place you in).
FWIW, my WW also left me seven months after our wedding due to an EA. At that time, she attributed it to her unrealistic expectation of marriage and other excuses. Little did I know the same OM would come back 17 years later.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Mine was always looking for something. When we got engaged 4 years in, she said "but I don't feel any different". She said the same the day we got married. Some of our WW/Hs are always wandering. Wandering about what else they could have had. A friend told me that if someone truly loves you, they won't wander.
Only problem is that people will believe what they want, even if the answer is slap bang I'm front of them.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I am in the process of getting the legal stuff dealt with before I go. Which is going to include my daughter coming to CA to spend a week with me this summer (I grew up in LA and my family is all here).
I sent WW an email this morning saying that this is how I wanted to communicate going forward because I have been getting frustrated with our talks and text convos. She ofcourse text me tonight as I was at a buddies watching the NHL playoffs (Go GAL!) asking whether her check from the job she worked at for 4 days came in the mail, I just replied "no" and then she asked me what she should do and how long can they wait to send it. I just ignored her, which was a little baby step for me because I haven't been able to ignore and not reply to a text.
I spoke with a therapist friend of my moms, didn't want to and regretted it after. When I told her she had an affair, left home, wants nothing to do with me and wants to D. She asked me if I had physically or verbally abused her. Kind of made me sad because it is so rare for people to end things and want a D so quickly without crazy circumstances like that.
I just wish I had more answers, is this really what she wants or is it the feelings for the OM just make it to hard for her to see anything with me.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
Its the excitement of something different. You and your D are love, love is pain. I believe that they block out love, as they have blocked out pain all of their lives.
What they find in the OP is "JOY", like at christmas, but everyday with the OP is christmas. They eventually wake up, realise its August and then want to come back to you.
You need to make a decision as to whether you want her back, if and when that day comes. Until then, you need to soak this all up. GAL and cry, cry and GAL. And keep posting!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Had a nice weekend, the GAL thing is going pretty well. I am up in Milwaukee watching my Angels play the Brewers, I drove by where we got married and it is still rough to think everything that has happened in only 7 months.
Haven't spoken in a few days. I did notice that the OM's wife changed her Facebook picture to their wedding picture and then subsequently blocked me (I hadn't chatted with her since February). I understand why she did it, if either they are back together or they are done she probably just wanted to stop any future contact. I don't really care, just more curious what that means for their marriage and WW EA.
Speaking of Facebook, WW changed her name back to her maiden name on FB. I thought it was kind of stupid so I just unfriended her, which may have been dumb on my part, but part of the detachment I guess.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
The last two days were tough days, a step back IMO.
First off, I decided to not only not move back to CA for work, but start a new career. This is something that has been in the back of my mind for awhile but now I am going to do it. I am going to coding bootcamp to learn to be a developer. I have self taught myself a lot and now want to make it a career. My job paid the bills and my bosses have been wonderful through all of this, but I feel so stale doing sales and think it contributed to some of my marriage woes, and I feel like taking the promotion to CA would lock me in more. My father, who I have grown so much closer to through all of this offered to pay the tuition and my bills for the 4 months of the program. The downside is I will probably not be able to work so much from the home office like I did with this job, so I will probably only be able to ask for my daughter on weekends, which should work out ok though since my W says she is going to go to nursing school and wait tables on the weekend.
Now onto my failures and steps back.
W came down on Tuesday to drop off D2, she noticed the changes I had made around the home, stuff I know I should have done months ago, also noticed my full calendar as part of my GAL, felt good she noticed and commented on that as well as my improved appearance and wardrobe. I asked her if she was going back right away and she told me that she was hanging out with SIL and then watching her niece while SIL worked. My first thoughts were she was going to be seeing the OM. I asked if she and my niece wanted to come over as I was planning on grilling for dinner, she at first said maybe, then when I text her later she said that probably wouldn't be a good idea (I know I shouldn't have asked to begin with). I then did something incredibly stupid, after dinner, instead of being the responsible father and giving my daughter a bath and putting her to sleep, I drove 10 minutes to my SIL house to see if her car was there, I did this a couple of weeks ago and she wasn't there but was at a hotel with OM. This time I drove by and her car was there, I felt like such an idiot because for one she was there, and for two even if she wasn't there what was I going to do?
Today W came over to pickup her desk to take it back to her parents in WI. As I was unplugging the computer and taking stuff off and out of the drawers I found the birthday card she had written to me this past Sept., only 3 weeks before our wedding and she said how much she loved and adored me and she couldn't believe how lucky she was to get to spend the rest of her life as a family with me and our D. It hit me like a ton of bricks, how did this happen, how do you go from that to telling OM she was madly in love with him only 2 months later and completely over the M 4 months later?
As I was helping W bring the desk to her car I asked her about the card, how all this could have happened so fast. She replied with her now generic response of "Wanting more out of a relationship" as to why she wants to divorce me. I asked her if she is still planning to file after 90 days residency in WI and she said that, no she was going to honor my request to wait until Sept 25th our anniversary. I don't know what that means in the big picture, perhaps it's just throwing me a bone, perhaps it's waiting to make it not seem as weird to friends and family, I don't know.
I just wish I had answers.
If the relationship was so bad why did she come back to try the first time in March, why did she tell me how happy she was that she made that decision, only to do a complete 180?
Is time and space just BS? How long does it take to stay in a fog?
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
W just called to FaceTime my daughter at 8 PM, she was just getting in her car to drive back to WI. She picked up her desk at 2 from my place and her sister works at 4 every day. It's like she doesn't even care to hide the fact that she has been with OM most of the afternoon.
On one hand I am angry that this is still going on, but on the other hand I am a bit relieved in knowing this is what is causing her to act the way she has towards me recently.
I guess I have to make the decision whether I want to wait this out or just move on myself.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
For a WW? Usually. What she really means is that it's more time to give her OM to seal the deal for their future. The "space" means she doesn't want you getting in her way.
Quote:
How long does it take to stay in a fog?
No definite timeframe. As long as her emotional needs are met, and the fantasy is fed, and she doesn't have to deal with any ugly reality of her decisions........it could be indefinitely. However, there's always that chance that she'll get her eyes open when the OM proves he's no Prince Charming.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My WW said the same thing. Since I'm still in the house but living seperate. I tend to keep WW angry because I'm standing in the way of the dream. Going on 2 months but will be outta the house soon enough once our Seperation agreement is final. The. She will have all the time and space she needs to move OM in.
Sorry to hear your in a similar situation. All I can say is, remember everything she says or does is for selfish reasons. Don't give an inch. That's the advice I'd tell myself if I could go back a couple months.
Me 40 W 35 Kids 2 S6 D3 T 10 yrs M 8yrs BD 11Mar16
I know she comes down here to see him when she drops off our D and when she goes home to her parents it's texts and phone calls. OM still hasn't left his W, and probably never will, but I assume he is still feeding my W the "I want to be a family" stuff.
I just told the W to file for divorce if she'd like. I said my Sept request doesn't matter anymore and if she truly wants it now to just do it. My hunch is that she is so addicted to the OM that she truly believes it will work out, but her sane side still may be telling her that divorce is a bad step. Some close to me are telling me to file myself, but I don't want to deal with the distraction right now and the emotional aspect if it being officially over.
I start my developer bootcamp in a couple of weeks and it will keep me fully immersed for a few months, which I guess is a good way of detaching. I will pickup D half way between CHI and MIL on Saturday afternoon and return her on Sunday night. The exchange will happen with FIL since my W will be working those nights at her new serving job.
My end game is to just focus on this course, the EA and likely PA is still going on and there is nothing I can do about it. At the end of the course I will start planning a new career and a new life, if she is still involved with OM and hasn't filed yet then at that point I will have my lawyer file and officially move on without her.
Anything I am doing totally wrong?
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
Nate it's amazing how reading these boards how many people are going through the same exact things, right down to the exact words the WW's use.
My WW actually moved an hour and a half away from OM, but like I said she sees him when she drops our daughter off down here and the texts and emails happen when she is at her parents. I think Sandi is 100% correct in the description of "time and space"
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
Fin, even if you're away for a few months, it does not mean that you're going to detach. Detaching is not about not seeing someone, it's about not feeling someone else's feelings and letting those feelings impact you. Our WWs need to own their feelings; the cheating, the lies, the consequences.
Get out of their head and stay in yours. Its taking me a while to get it. Mine might be out again tonight so i expect some anxiety but i know where it comes from and I don't fight the feeling. I need to feel it to let it go. Once i let the feeling go, I can let her go.
So yes, don't even consider giving her space, give yourself space - she is toxic right now and no good for you and the kids. Keep what you have left intact - Your sanity!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I get it, it's more than a physical attachment. I just feel like today, I made a step towards acceptance if this is truly how it plays out. Obviously if I am served in a couple of weeks it will be a tough pill to swallow, but I think I will handle it better than I would have a month ago.
I was never ready to let go before, now I just accept the fact that the affair is going to continue, and I can't stop it and I'm not going to waste any effort trying. If she comes back within the next few months, great, if not I am ready to move on. Again, feel like that's a big improvement on from where I was. I can finally see my life without her.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
And when I say "great", I don't mean welcome back like nothing happens. If a reconciliation were to ever happen it would take a lot of time and healing, and honestly as I type this I don't even know if it's something I'd 100% want anymore.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
You are stuck in limbo waiting for her to do something tho fin.
If she serves, then so be it. But why concern yourself with her. There's a big difference in moving on and moving forward. What would you say is that difference?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I guess your right when I think about it, I guess telling her to serve is trying to get a rise out of her or challenging her to do it, testing my theory that she will never file. I never would have told her to file before this, as I said I had asked her to wait util Sept in the hopes that she will come out of the fog sometime before then.
I guess I just don't know how to react to my own feelings, for the first time since this whole thing happened I can actually see myself D'ed and it doesn't kill me inside. I don't know if that is progress or what...
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
Its definitely progress if you can see yourself D'ed. Instead of fighting it, you're giving up, still not that great, but that's a lot better than holding on.
I did everything in the first weeks (until wednesday actually) to hurt her. I wanted her to feel the pain that she inflicted on me and cry herself to sleep because she's losing the best man in the world. So do nothing regarding the D. If she wants it, then she'll do it.
Then it hit me - I'm not the best man in the world. I'm only a man, flawed, incomplete and trying to survive. Why am I making this about her when I need to worry about myself first. I would fail in every R i would attempt until i figured what i did wrong. Me. My WW has nothing to do with me, until I have changed and improved my life.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So WW dropped off my D2 yesterday, as she does every week. This week I know she wasn't with OM (atleast last night), she actually came in this time and I took her temp it was 102, she went back to her sisters and told me later her fever was 104.3. I told her she should probably go to the doctor since that is very high for an adult.
She called this morning saying she was feeling much better and asked if she could pickup the paycheck her old job had sent her. She came over and I asked if she wanted to stay and have a pizza with myself and our d (maybe a mistake). We had a nice time as a family for a few minutes, our d insisted we all go in her room to put together her Frozen puzzle (for the 5000th time )
We ate at the table and had some small talk, I just asked her about her new job, did ask if she had filed and she said no and changed the subject. She mentioned how the house looked amazing (I have done a lot of home improvements as part of my GAL and personal improvement). She left and then called back realizing she had left her wallet, I ended up dropping it off at her sisters place which is right near the park I take my D. She got in the backseat and was having fun with D for a few minutes and then got out, at that point I got out as well and noticed she had some tears in her eyes. I told her that it was still not to late to be a family again, she really didn't acknowledge it, just saying goodbye again to d.
Anyways, she has been quite a bit more friendly and talkative throughout the day, which is a polar shift from how she had acted towards me the previous month or so. Still no talk about anything related to the R but definitely a more friendly attitude.
I am a bit confused on how to proceed. I don't knowif things changed again with OM, if maybe she is having second thoughts about divorcing, or if she has moved on to the level where she sees me as just a friend.
I still have my guard up, and there have been times like this before where I think she might be coming around only to get burned again, but for some reason this feels a bit different.
Any thoughts?
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
I know. I regret making that comment to her about not being to late. I think it was one of a couple mistakes made today.
I don't want to be friends with her if we D, atleast not for a couple years down the road once we both move on.
As for the rest of my post, I assume the best thing to do is keep trucking ahead working on improving and looking out for myself and if she is feeling differently about anything to just let her come to me?
Just tough to possibly be given an opening and not to go for it, but I guess it really could backfire badly on me.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
I haven't followed up lately, I have made the decision to file for divorce and will be doing so on Tuesday.
I thought we had been taking some small steps when I last posted, but it's always 1 step forward, 2 steps back.
Living in limbo was just to tough for me. We have been married almost 8 months now, and for 7 of those months my W was in love with someone else, and I have just reached the point where I no longer want to live like that.
Part of my fear about ending my marriage was whether I'd be able to meet anyone else, but the fact is, there are a ton of woman in the same spot as me, divorced, with kids and I'm sure worried about the same things I am. I now know that I can and will meet someone else to share my life with, start a family with and enjoy life with, something my W just doesn't want to do with me.
The stuff I learned on this site, about becoming a better me has been incredible. I now go to the gym 5 times a week, I started eating healthier(my A1C score for my diabetes was the lowest in 5 years) went back to church, re-connected with friends. That is one positive I can take out of this experience, it let me re-discover myself and re-discover all the things that make life wonderful.
I do feel bad in a way for WW, I know she isn't all there, and one day she will come out of this and realize what a huge mistake she made, but I just had to look out for myself and do what was best for my future.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
I told her tonight in text that I was planning to file. She read the text but hasn't replied to me for a half hour. Don't know exactly what that means. She knows I am in the best spot mentally that I have been in for a long time and am not doing this with a clouded mind.
It honestly wouldn't surprise me if I got an "Ok, that's fine reply" or a call tomorrow asking to see a counselor. It was not my intention to try and knock her out of the fog, this is what I want to do, but I am worried that if she asks me to re-consider I will buckle.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
W finally called me back last night. She broke down and said how she fears being alone and about the future.
I just told her I can't live like this and that this is the life she chose when she chose OM over our marriage. She snapped back at me very angrily saying that she didn't leave because of him and the said she didn't want to talk about him anymore.
She is still clearly in denial about our M and why it broke down, and I think she is just devastated that things didn't work out with OM (my guess).
I want to talk to her in person tomorrow when I see her, but I am still resolved in filing and moving on with my life.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
I went to drop my D off today in Wisconsin. It was my first time seeing W since our talk in my previous post (she wasn't there the next day). And we had barely talked the previous week. Before she left to move back to her parents I had asked her to go to MC or to have a kind of controlled separation where we spent time together or as a family and tried to re-connect. She hadn't been open to any of that until today, when she said she would like to hang out with me once a week and see how we both feel.
I don't know how to react at this point, I don't know if she really wants to try and start piecing together or if she is just trying to continue her cake eating.
Me-33 W-29 D- 2 M- 8 months, T- 3.5 years BD Feb 15 2015 S 4/12/16 W says she plans to file for d
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