I'm going to have to reply to you in many hours darknes, but i have no idea what just happened...
Yesterday i had a weak moment and tracked the wife, one thing led to another and it never ended well. Anyhows, i get home today and she asks me "Are you cheating on me?" I could not wipe the smile off my face.
OMG, all because I won't give her the tracking passwords. Is that a good thing or a bad thing that she asked?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
You still need to distance. But not for her. For you. You are quite clearly still very raw, and you want to punish her. If you want to punish her, that's not a sign of love. That's a sign of wanting to control. As if she were a child incapable of making decisions on her own.
Trust me, I know about wanting to try and control all this. You won't be able to, and the more you try, the more you're going to frustrate yourself and push her away. Right now, you probably need to stop *doing* anything except GAL.
Boundaries and loving detachment. So often men confuse "being a man" with being a bully. Being a man simply means being strong in your own boundaries, allowing others to live their lives within or outside them, and moving on with your life regardless.
And a big thing about boundaries: They are not used to control others. They are used mostly as a tool for you to determine who is or is not allowed in your life. Read Cadet's link on boundaries. It's important to remember that they are mostly just something you use for you, and not to control others.
Ok, am still reacting, and she's definitely getting a reaction out of me. Will read up on boundaries once more and will also try to stop bullying. Such a fine line.
She's playing a game... and I need to live my life.
I just came back from watching The Jungle Book, what an awesome movie. One negative critic wrote that the "movie is about a boy running from a Tiger". I believe that it is a movie about a boy who faces the his fears (the Tiger) head-on, and comes out triumphant!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
1 - Ironically, I spoke to her about love languages about 2 years ago, as we had a workshop at work, and I explained the type of love that I needed and she needed. Guess i'm going to have to re-school myself.
2 - i get love from her with her attention, and yes i feed it back to her. If she does not give me attention, then i take mine away too... viscious, but so un-subconscious.
3/4 - I have to go back to the basics, loving the simple things in life, the things that really count. The simple things, like watching you S blow-dry her hair whilst singing along to music, or siting in the lounge hearing her laugh whilst she watches a sitcom.
WE CAN WORK ON THE OTHER PERSPECTIVES OVER TIME...
AS FOR THE CHOICE THING... when she bought the ticket to go to the other city, i told her that she was making the wrong choice, but it was still her choice. It is controlling, but it's only because she has lost control of herself?
Okay, the attaching of the house is revenge, I get that. Can't take it back now though.
"But how do i show that I do not want revenge", and as i type the word REVENGE i answer the question myself - detach, GAL.
Here is a virtual hug darknes ((HUGS))
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
If she does not give me attention, then i take mine away too... viscious, but so un-subconscious.
Sounds like you play games in your relationship too.
Quote:
3/4 - I have to go back to the basics, loving the simple things in life, the things that really count. The simple things, like watching you S blow-dry her hair whilst singing along to music, or siting in the lounge hearing her laugh whilst she watches a sitcom.
What kind of things can you do to enjoy the simple things in life that don't involve your spouse?
Yes dream, we both played games, and there was no real winner. I had so many opportunities to really say how i felt about things, but i chose to take back my love instead, because that's what i thought she was doing.
Today was fantastic, i cant remember being that happy. I test drove a new car (without WW), I dropped my S and WW at her cousins place, went to watch live rugby match and then watched the sunset with a nice cappuccino along Table Mountain. The views makes one feel so small.
Its day 5 of detach and i think i'm getting better, my tummy is not so twisty turney, i even finished my whole plate of food!!! I realise that i don't need her with to do anything, I actually want her with, but if she chooses out, then that's good too. To quote Celine Dion, "My heart will go on".
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I find myself getting anxious whenever I come back onto the forum, like somehow not coming onto here will help me to detach. I read all the sad stories here and it makes me sad. I think what could have been, had the OM not turned my WW away.
I guess, I come back to pinch myself, put myself back into her fog and then take myself out again... almost like motivation. I'm off to bed with my WW and son not home, let's see if i can get a good nights sleep.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
oh, and my WW is convincing herself that i must be seeing someone else, as i'm going out so much 'by myself' and want to join the gym - these are all the things that she started doing because of someone else. I tell her "I am married, and do not want to see anyone".
Should i be alarmed, appeased... i won't show her any reaction and know that i must just keep GALing!
I would like your opinions on this?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
