Just looking at your signature - I guess by the second bomb drop and suspicion of a PA you decided the M was over and filed for divorce? That must have taken a lot of strength!
I have to remind myself to validate but I have been good about not getting drawn into fights. I dodged one last night via text. I had to go out to deliver some fund raising items to S2 hockey team families so I sent a text to my W saying "You'll have to take S1 to his softball practice" (she knows I had to go out) which my W responded with "Are you asking me or telling me what to do?". I wanted to fire back but instead simply said "I have to go get and deliver the fundraising items", she responds "I knew that already". I didn't respond after that - seemed like such stupid things for her to say. I felt she was looking to create a fight and I did my best to avoid it. To be honest, I wanted to respond to her first response by saying "Forget it, I'll take him" to show her how ridiculous her comment was but I also thought it could ignite some fighting hence my actual responses.
That's my problem, I don't know what to say sometimes. Sometimes I feel I should make a point back to her when she says ridiculous things but, I probably should avoid this. Other times I feel if I don't call her on it I'm letting her walk all over me - which makes me feel disrespected. I think I responded to the above example fine but how else could it have been handled?
That is a really good point. You really find out how much someone cares about you when you stop bending on every little whim as you say. Maybe it's not that she doesn't care but more she is pissed off that I'm no longer bending for her all of the time.
That's my problem, I don't know what to say sometimes. Sometimes I feel I should make a point back to her when she says ridiculous things but, I probably should avoid this. Other times I feel if I don't call her on it I'm letting her walk all over me - which makes me feel disrespected. I think I responded to the above example fine but how else could it have been handled?
James,
I think your response (or non-response) was fine.
The problem you face when dealing with a woman scorned is that it doesn't matter what you say, it will be wrong.
If my wife and I were talking, I could say, "There's a full moon tonight." She'd respond, "Now you're just trying to pick a fight!" Um, yeah...
Logic and reason don't exist in fantasy-land so don't attempt it. Validate and move on.
Lol!! It's been a full moon for the last two weeks (maybe two years)!
Validate and move on - good advice - I'll just try and keep it simple.
I think Darkness's comment about me no longer bending has indeed probably pissed my W off. She has gone all cold and pissy since I moved back in and her out of the MBR - it's been the only major change in that time. Sleeping in the other room was probably novel for a while but it's an office with a fold down futon bed and at the front of the house so street noise (and she isn't a morning person lol). I am not inviting her back into the MBR for three reasons 1) I feel no stress in the MBR now that she is out of it - and that has been a nice change and, 2) Even if I were to invite her back she would surely tell me to go f*** myself, and 3) And most importantly, it was her choice to leave the MBR, it's up to her to move back in if that is what she wants and I am not going to make that choice simple for her. That all said, she has a lot pride and would likely sleep in the shed for a year just to make a point.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/13/1612:43 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Could be that taking back the MBR has been the first time you've taken charge in a while. She wants to get back the reigns.
It seems she protests a bit too much, wanting to punish you for every little thing......for simply moving back into your own bed. It's just so dang hard for these princess types to give up their crowns!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
