honestly if you said you would wait a year, follow through. I know the feeling youa re describing. I am there right now. So wait the year, but dont live your life like you are waiting. when it comes ok, fine keep moving.
my thoughts
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Wish i had the perfect answer for you, but I don't. these are definitely personal choices that need to be made. Divorce is definitely a big decision. I will give you a couple observation though. First you sound very discouraged; which I truly understand. so i would definitely not make any decisions for a couple days. secondly it hasn't been a year yet, but maybe it's time to truly re-asses the situation. When I say re-asses, i mean write it all down and share it with some trusted friends. One last thought is that it seems you may be struggling with detaching, I know i do. Go out and do something fun this weekend. I plan on heading to the gulf and fishing Saturday with a friend.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Thanks guys. Maybe my mind is not right to make decisions. Maybe I am discouraged. That could be true. I was not going to say, hey it's time for D. I just wanted to give her a little push. The outcome doesn't even matter to me. Trust me, I am fine if she said it is time for D... no problem at all with that.
I don't think detaching is an issue.. or maybe I need to re-detach? I was solidly there at one point. Discussing things with friends/ family is pointless. I get the same answer from them because they care about me... that's to move on. So that's why I come here to get some unbiased opinions.
OTW... the re-assess at a year plan was when we were basically in complete no contact. Since then things have a changed a bit. I'd like to push a bit and see where she stands. Know what I mean?
I guess I could go back to living and thinking how I was sept-march for the next 2 months. I could keep going with the NC I have reestablished now and see if she reaches out all, that is fine. I can do that. I am getting tired though... I am getting ancy to date and what not. Something definitely seemed to change with her after she saw me... not in a good way. hmph...
Pinn I really do get it. I know i want to live life, I want to move forward from this no mans land. I know everyone here will say well then go do it, but I had a picture of doing things in life with my family, things with my wife. I want to share these things with someone. Of course i can still do the things with my kids, but i wanted to share with a partner.
so, yes i get it.
If you want to give it a push , wait the two months and file. I know that is not popular here, but i know it is time to take back your life.
again, my opinions may always not be the most popular, but mine.
also, i am sure she is aware of the 12 month rule as well. My w once said to me early on in my situation "you are acting like we have been like this for a year" that stuck with me heavily. no clue why but almost like they are tracking some kind of time.
keep me posted on what you do
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Thanks otw... I know you get it... out of all people you get it and I appreciate the responses more than you know.
The weird thing is I have no desire to file. I can see my WW using that too easily (ie... 'hey I am not the one who filed for divorce, you did"). What I would do is push her to make a decision though and if she decided to file than that is what I am OK with. If that makes sense.
Anyway, we will both get through it. Thanks again!
Something definitely seemed to change with her after she saw me... not in a good way. hmph...
What exactly are you referring to here, just curious?
well... in December I noticed a distinct change in her behavior towards me, more texts, more temp checking etc. This behavior continued basically until I saw her in late march. Then, those things, for the most part, stopped. That's what I mean. Knowing my wife and being in this position several times before with her (before we were married) when she goes radio silent like this it is generally not good (trying not to mind read).
aw man DB'ing friends... hit with a bit of a blow today.
Just a brief refresher... I never had any confirmation that my wife was in an EA/PA but I am not naive so assumed it. One guy came to mind for some reason. I know that at the least they had been talking. Anyway, he is a felon who lives with his mommy about a quarter mile from my house. My wife moved about 30 min away when she moved out.
So today, I am on my way home from the gym and yoga, and I start coming up the hill and I see the same model and color as her car parked on the street outside the mommy's house. I didn't catch the license plate. I was like there is no way she could be that blatant right? So I got home and I was like, damn it, I have to know or it will be eating at me for a while. So I took a drive by again, looked at the license plate and sure enough it is her car!
That is ridiculously ballzy. The fact that she stopped to see this loser doesn't even bother. I don't give a fvck about him besides the fact I am worried he is going to break into my house. The thing that pisses me off is that she said she wanted to talk, but never would set aside time and now she is up here right down the street. That aggravates me beyond belief.
So now I have to relax for a few days and try not to do anything rash. I'll just stick with NC for a while. I have a half marathon next weekend that I think she is going to. Maybe I can find a different to run. hmph... freakin WW's.
