Need advice

[CRW]

OK I really need some guidance here. Conversation we just had:

WW: I want things to stay the same. I think the kids are doing great and adjusting well. I don't want to fight about visitation or custody or anything anymore. The kids are happy and i haven't denied you seeing them more than what is ordered if you request it. I don't want to fight with you again or be upset with you, it isn't fair to the kids. Us getting along is the most important aspect of our relationship.

Me: so two months ago when i 'woke up', i was able to clear things out of my head. I let go of all the negativity and the conflict inside me. what was left was someone fulfilled and happy. however, what was still there were my feelings for you. i'm only connected to the things I am passionate about in my life, and you are still one of those things, moreso than I ever was before. This has been the biggest reason for my lack of clarity regarding us getting a divorce. If it was meant to be, how could my spirit waking up lead to me being more passionate for you than I was before? I've been meditating on it and praying on it frequently to understand. I agree with you, I do not want any further conflict, I want to do what's best for us and our family. I wake up each day thinking more and more that that thing is a family whole and strong and together once again.

WW: I'm not sure what this means?


How does she not know what I meant? Was it not clear that I want to put our family back together? How do I respond? I am so nervous right now......

[J5K]

CRW,

Maybe you should ask W what her interpretation is of your response. She may be temp checking also to see how you respond.

[CRW]

I guess I am confused because I feel like my intentions were pretty clear? Maybe not?

My heart is in my throat right now. I don't want to leave her hanging, but I feel like I need to clear my mind before I respond?

[CRW]

She texted me this last night:

Craig i need to talk to you about your recent texts.....while I'm glad you have had an awakening and you have found a new way to live your life. Treating people kindly and respecting their feelings should be the way everyone treats one another, but don't tell me this is the way you are going to be going forward, if it is only with the hopes and intentions of us getting back together. There has been to much damage and many hurtful words on your part to ever hope for anything other then just being there for the kids. If you are making a change, do it only because it makes you a better person not because there is any hope of reconnecting love between us, because I'm sorry, but that bridge has been burnt.

And then this this morning:

Kids are great....again it is great that you have had your awakening, but it doesn't change the fact that we are getting divorced and i am moving on with my life, do you understand?


Is there any hope after that? This was my response:

I understand where things are. Doesn't change the fact that I am going to treat you with respect and with dignity. I appreciate your honesty and directness.



Now she won't even respond to my text's about the kids. Is she testing me and confused that I am not getting angry like I would in the past?

[doodler]

Quick critique from a newbie (take it for what it's worth):

She wants actions, not words (texting doesn't count as an action). She wants to see the new man, she doesn't want to hear the man tell her about the new man.

Yes, you surely have a chance with her, but you've got to do a lot better than telling her about it via texting.

[CRW]

Thanks doodler. That is great advice. I needed that.

Funny thing, when my daughter was a baby we called her 'the doodler'. Ironic!

[doodler]

CRW,

It sounds to me like you married a smart woman, don't let her go; do the work. Good luck to you!

[CRW]

she is very smart. Admittedly, we're here because of me....

[BluWave]

CRW, I think you are handling yourself very well! This could be a loooong road. It cannot be evaluated day by day. Although I have no doubt she second guesses her choices, she is NOT going to let you see that. Less R talks so she doesn't need to keep reminding you, or herself, that she is done.

I don't have much advise, other than keep being a great man & dad! Don't do this to win her back, but do this for you and for your kids. If she is knee deep in an A, she has checked out and will cake eat and keep you as a friend. You do what works for you. Over time, she will see the man you are, and if she doesn't want that, it is her loss.

If possible, put off the D if it's not what you want right now. Not as a way to play games or frustrate her, but this is a huge decison that deserves a lot of time and thought.

[CRW]

I definitely do not want a divorce. I appreciate the words of encouragement guys, it really helps.