WW confused about the future.

[LiM]

Excile! Man!
Get a grip! It's not back firing! Its working. Give it time. She's seeing the changes you have made. She's told you that she's seen it. I don't know what more evidence you need. She has to fix herself. You're already doing the work to fix you. Eventually, she will see what she is missing. Dont give up. In fact, double down. We are all telling you what to do. DETACH! GAL. Continue with the 180's. Take your balls back and own your life.
Set a schedule with the kids and stop doing things for her. You shouldn't be taking her to appointments.

[DDJ]

Sandi2 stated it very nicely to me... You cannot actually get your balls back. You have to grow a whole new set. You then need to show it to her, metaphorically speaking that is.

Its all about you Exile, just you.

[excile101]

I have been trying to keep busy. My job takes up long hours. I have just enrolled to finish my degree in engineering. I am planning on hitting the gym soon but there is an emptiness in my life I can't fill.
Last weekend was a killer. I saw the kids and took them out but when I gave them back, the lonliness crept back in. I contacted my w as I hoped to see the kids again that evening. She refused. She told me to stop using her and the kids as my company and get a life. She even suggested that I should GO AND LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE! I couldn't believe it. She says we are finished and that I had my chances and only wants to be friendly for the sake of the kids.
When I pick up the kids, she is ok but not very talkative. She messages me alot but only to tell me about the kids. I keep things civil when I am with her but nothing more. I am trying to detach but seeing her makes me melt. I cannot avoid not seeing her so end up pining for her.

She is reasonable with me but isn't interested in anything else. I don't contact her and let her get in touch. What else can I do here? To tell me to move on with someone else is not my objective. She knows how I feel about her so why would she say that? So confused now....

[Vapo]

Why? You ask why my featherd friend? The answer is dead simple... It is to minimize her guilt.

What can you do you ask? Not a damn thing. So the sooner you stop looking for the silver bullet, the better it will be for you. Now is the time to focus on you and the kids and you let her be, where ever she might be... The less you give a fcuck about her, the better you will feel. I know it sounds backwards, but trust me on this one...

[Sotto]

Hi Excile, I think the answer is probably to do just as your W has suggested and seek out new company for yourself. Not a new woman, but new friends and interests that get you out and meeting new people. If you can get to a point where you have your own stuff going on (an d you genuinely enjoy it) it does make a big difference.

And who knows, if your W sees that you are having a good time...she may just start to wonder what she's missing. But please don't do it for that reason, do it for you and do it on the basis that you may (or may not) get the chance to rebuild your M - but you can absolutely rebuild your life.

Try to get to a point where you genuinely are doing things for yourself, not 'in relation to' your W or to try and restore your M. There's no need to close any doors, but if you can accept ploughing your own furrow for the next little while, that's the best way I think.

Take care

[Melo]

I am there brother. I pursue, I chase and she just sh!ts all over me like your W is sh!tting all over you. Would you respect somebody who allowed that to happen?'Cause I sure wouldn't. You want to be friends? Keep doing what your doing. You want to have a great MR with her? Stop spending time as a family, stop being available, stop contacting her first. There is no other way.

[Vapo]

Nope, I think my conclusion is much more to the point. Alas his wife does not give a damn about him... Not one IOTA

[excile101]

During the week, I am so busy and I enjoy going to the house and seeing the kids before bed. I find reading my D4 her story relaxing and soothing. The weekends are more difficult as I have time on my hands and nothing to do and nowhere to go. I try and focus on me but feel like a hostage who has just been released and doesn't know which direction to run in!

I tried talking to a single woman at work. She is kind and pleasant to me. She did however ask if the separation is still fresh which made me think that I no woman would go near me for a long time, so that's dating out. I then see my W who is just cold and on edge when I am around. She likes messaging me often but in her presence, you can feel the tension and awkward silence. It kills my confidence with other people yet she should be the person I am closest to but she has built up a wall. She says that we are friendly but the way she is towards me, I would hate to be her enemy! How can I shake all this up? It is a stale mate with no progress. Nothing has worked and I am fresh out of ideas.

[LiM]

Excile,

I know the emptiness you speak up. Its an unbearable void. But you can do something about that. YOU can fill that void. And you should fill it. We can't rely on other people in life to make us feel whole and complete. We have to be "enough" for ourselves first. That's hard. Its easier to let other people make us feel good about ourselves but no one else can ever make us complete. We have to do that ourselves. Start today. Your weekends are wide open. Find something to fill them up. Look on MeetUp dot com. Are there groups in your area that would interest you? I see that you are going to work on finishing your degree. Awesome. Are there any groups associated with the college that you could join?
You can't "shake" her up. You've got to spend this time working on yourself. She is seeing the changes in you. Keep them coming. But do them for you, not for her.

[excile101]

I have to admit...I find myself walking the streets. My W spends all her free time with the kids or keeping the house organised. She is busy, sees family and just gets on with life. She wants me to have a good relationship with girls as she didn't have much to do with her dad after her parents divorced. I appreciate it. She says I'm a good father and wants that to continue...I am doing what I can. I miss her...I beat myself up over my behavior and wish I could have done things differently. I do not mention the marriage anymore...seems inappropriate when our discussions are just about the kids. I don't have much to say to her anyway...the days when we would smile and talk about our day...make plans seem a distant memory now. She messages me at least 10 times a day to tell me about what the kids are up to..I find comfort in that but it's not the same as living in my home. Should I see all this as encouraging? I mean..being friendly for the sake of the girls is reasonable..but not where I want to be. I want to be kind to her and help her where I can..she does appreciate it...but I am selfish I want my wife back and Sandi's rules seem counter productive...I don't know, there is no magic bullet..