5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.

[Natus]

Thanks for the reminder Tim and GWH.

I am trying to find the balance between being present and not pursuing as well.

I am back in the master bedroom. Its hard because this is the women of my dreams literally and she is in my bed yet she isnt.

Last night the OM's wife came to my house with OM and sister in tow to confront my wife. It got heated between them. For me i got to learn more details of my wife's EA, how even though she had feelings for OM she actually did not pursue him and that she had actually applied to transfer away from their office but was rejected by head office.

I mostly just observed and kept my cool, interjecting alittle in my wifes defense from time to time because despite everything her emotional well being does mean alot to me.

I got to observe a moment where the OM denied ever expressing feelings for my wife and i could tell from the look in my wifes eyes at that moment that the man just lied in front of everyone. The OM had just betrayed her. I kept silent.

After when everyone left my wife and i sat down again. At first i thought she wanted to chew me out but turned out she wanted to let her feelings out. I sat and validated her. It felt very much like us against them but i kept that to myself.

It light of all of this i am trying to detach. Im telling myself even though if she doesn't end up with OM i still have a WAW. Somehow i feel that is much harder to tackle than a wife who still loves you but cheated.

[Cristy]

Hi Natus,

Whoa! That sounds like quite the heated conversation for everyone involved.

Good job validating her, but be cautious. Keep to your DB plan.

The best advice I can give you is to call a Divorce Busting Coach today. Many of your online friends will agree that Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best advice on how to save your marriage and keep your family together. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Natus]

Hi Christy,

Thank you for the offer for DB coach. I live half way across the world in Brunei (GMT +8), a small country near Malaysia and Kuala Lumpur. How would it work? logistically?

i suppose i dont mind being up at odd hours for the telephone coaching.

[Vanilla]

Nature

Let your WW come to terms with the fact that OM is a lying scumbag.

Say nothing not even told you so, that's invalidating.

Validate her hurt feelings and let her grieve her expectations.

Breathe, breathe.

Give it time.

Shrug and let go.

V

[Natus]

I have a hard time letting go. Im trying but i feel i may not be DBing enough.

My wife is making plans with me, asking me out for movies. Yet she maintains (or is trying to) that she has no feelings for me.

We maintain a bit of contact during the day even though i try not to initiate it. Mostly revolving our son.

Its almost like we are a normal happy family minus the affection between husband and wife. Im wondering should i pull away, LRT, or maintain the happy family thing? GAl is not much of an option cause i had plenty of that, infact that seems to be the primary reason for our predicament.

[Rose888]

I have a hard time letting go. Im trying but i feel i may not be DBing enough.

My wife is making plans with me, asking me out for movies. Yet she maintains (or is trying to) that she has no feelings for me.

We maintain a bit of contact during the day even though i try not to initiate it. Mostly revolving our son.

Its almost like we are a normal happy family minus the affection between husband and wife. Im wondering should i pull away, LRT, or maintain the happy family thing? GAl is not much of an option cause i had plenty of that, infact that seems to be the primary reason for our predicament.

I can really relate to the bolded.

In light of my most recent conversation with H, I am leaning toward some serious distancing, but I'm too new at this to offer any advice.

[Natus]

Yea one minute she is nice, suggesting movies then tonight shes pouty and treating me like the bad guy everytime i say something.

Im getting a bit fed up, gona have to go over my DB list and start strong in the morning.

[Cristy]

Hello Natus,

Even though you are not in the USA, the DB telephone coaching program is still a great resource. We work with many, many people from all over the world.

Please feel free to call or email me and we can figure out the logistics.

I'm wishing you the very best.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Natus]

I am horrible at this DB thing. Everyday i think today i'll DB strong then by end of the day im left picking up the pieces.

I cant detach, i am obsessed, infatuated, and everything else in between. Try hardest i might not to show it. I also want to give in to my darkest thoughts.

Christy, i have sent you an email to find out more on the DB telephone coaching. I need to do this.

[Natus]

Every day a new feeling. I want to think i have a handle on my feelings and so far so good past two days. One minor slip up (waking up in the middle of the night wanting to reach out and pull her into my arms).

I had to go back and reassess my goals and re-read DR. Finding out i may have missed some things in my goal setting by aiming to big to fast and not appreciating small successes.

My wife has started to relax around me, shes sharing and joking and including me in short term plans albeit it involves my son but she didn't need to. I'm trying not to read too much into it.

She is still not wearing her ring and so far no attempts at intimacy save for a few seconds last night her feet brushed up against mine under the covers. It could have just been her shifting in her sleep but she has been very careful since BD to ensure she makes no physical contact with me in bed, to the point she sleeps curled up (to me seems overkill and smacks a little like trying too much) so this brushing feet thing is new.

With my refined set of goals i feel a little better. The only thing i have issue reconciling is that most of the members here seem to take a hard / harsh stance to their WAW. Im just here validating and doing my 180s, do i need to take the hard stance? My IC doesnt seem to think so, he says i should continue being thoughful and validating while not being pushy and pursuing. Granted i am only one month in.