Just reporting. Had a fab day at work, got my head on and achieved so much! Was so proud of me. Still a bit raw as people were asking me how I was. Trying to fight the tears. I think because it's a side of H that I have never seen or been the recipient before, I'm still shock that after 11 years together he could have such animosity towards me!
Third day NC, came to see kids (was busy doing something anyway). Usually he'd make his presence loud and clear but not tonight. When he left he shouted that he was going! The funny thing was that I could hear he was going so why broadcast it so loud to me. The funny thing is I asked him if he had taken the letter, he replied which one! I took a STFU smoothies as I want to tell him the one you have been bullying me to sign for a week. Also he stayed slightly longer than usual.
I'm certainly not reading anything into it. I don't think I want to have my heart and hope shattered again as a couple of weeks ago I really though it was over with OW. I'm off the roller coaster. Now planning my move and decided to move my stuff myself with the help of FIL and a couple of friends. I found it's so much cheaper than having a proper company to do it!
I have done it once twice with H, so this time I can do it on my own :-)!
Rouky, I'm glad you had a fab day today and achieved a lot of stuff. I'm very proud of you! Of course, you are going to be a bit raw after what transpired. People are very concerned for you and ask about how you are doing. They want you to know that they are there for you...but they don't realize that asking how you are doing just sets the emotions in full mode of tears. They truly mean well.
I think you will find that going NC is the best way to go for you right now. It's truly to protect you from him and his behavior as much as possible. As for him announcing his departure, they are clueless that we can and do figure things out for ourselves w/o their help. They tend to forget that we aren't dumb while they are exploring the world on the Mother Ship.
If you can find someone to help you move, by all means ask others to help you. Professional movers can cost an arm and a leg. I would suggest that once the move is completed, order some pizza and have some sodas/drinks available to share w/the helpers...this goes a long way to getting them to help you w/other projects.
Rouky, give yourself some time to take care of you. You've been shocked by your h's behavior and trust me, I do know how that behavior can just floor you. Always try to remember, this isn't about you, but about him and right now, he's angry w/the world and himself. It's best to stay out of his way and allow him to fight w/himself.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I love my life. Each day brings you more thoughts! Found out that there wete rumours about my H cheating on me going round in his work place (BTW it's where he met OW), and I thought that I would like to know if I was cheated on (Oops sorry already done!). That's so funny as most of the people who know me knew about my H' A but no one would have the guts to tell me. In a way I can understand that they'd not want to upset but on the other hand as a human being didn't I deserved to be respected by H! Luckily as soon as one of my friend found out (she has been cheated on too!), she told me. I'll always be in debts with her because I truly believe that I'd still be with H now if I hadn't been told about his A.
I got confirmation that it isn't the first M that OW has destroyed but also that people who worked with H and knew me can't understand why he left me for her! Apparently she isn't a very likeable person, so I guess my H had affaired down :-). Have you noticed the he left me when in reality I kicked him! I guess he can't really say to OW or all of his mates: my wife kicked me out! Nor can OW say to her friends my BF was kicked out by his wife. Does it matter? NO. Deep down H knows that he got kicked out, my friends all know the truth and the person who H is supposed to live with also know!
I have been so down lately but talking to my friend today, just has made it engrave in my brain that the issues are coming from H's side and not me. That OW isn't as great a person as she wants to be seen. I'm feeling free as H has trade me for someone lesser than me. Finally I'm recognising that it wasn't me but all him and that OW is definitively nowhere near me. She might have the looks but obviously not the brain not values!
I know I shouldn't be like that and put people down, unfortunately this is what I needed today to realise my self worth.
Found out that there wete rumours about my H cheating on me going round in his work place
It really infuriates me when I read stupid advice columns or articles that advise against telling the person who is being cheated on. Sure, you run the risk that they won't believe you or will "kill the messenger". But a true friend wouldn't care about that. And I really believe that every person has the right to decide on their own whether they want to remain with a cheater or not. Plus, in this age of AIDS, you could be contributing to someone's death by not informing them they are at risk!
Most people are weak and hide behind the fiction that "she must already know." NO SHE DOESN'T! Cheaters are very good at fooling you.
So true. I didn't know nor even suspected he cheated on me as he kept to the the same timetable. I only wish that people who knew about my H don't find themselves in the same situation as me as it badly hurts to found out that everyone else knew but me!
Rouky, I can't imagine how awful that would feel to find that out. Why do people watch and gossip, but never step in? Its as if the "entertainment value" supersedes the right thing to do.
I remember when I was growing up, if an adult saw another child misbehaving, they stepped in and said something to that child. If another adult was misbehaving, it was confronted, either at the moment or in private. Now, everyone talks about things amongst themselves, but are afraid to say "you're behaving inappropriately". The gray area has spread and black and white are almost non-existent.
I have told my daughters the story of how I came home with flowers for my mother one day. She said,"those are beautiful, but where did you get them?" About then the neighbor from across the street, who had seen me pick them from another neighbor's garden and immediately followed me home, spoke up from behind me (we were outside) and told her I had stolen them. I was made to wrap them up with a bow and a bottle of water and return them to the lady who's garden I had stolen them from, with a full apology. You don't steal flowers from another person's garden.
You also don't carry on with another person's spouse. Wouldn't it be nice if people would speak up and confront wrong behavior instead of just gossip about it? Maybe if confrontation and shame once again re-entered our society, people would choose to work a little harder to grow their own flowers instead of stealing them and getting away with it.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Now how can you go NC when the person you are supposed to be NC with won't let you ? H came to see kids a little earlier than usual, stayed a little later than usual and even read them a story ( which he hadn't done for ages). Usually when he comes in you can hear him as he makes his presence well felt but tonight no! Then when he was about to leave he tried to engage into a conversation. Told me about kid being hurt ( fair enough!), then moved on to ask me if I got a text from him ( never got it) and tried to explain/ justify why he couldn't be with kids this weekend and why he was shortening his time on Friday. Honestly I really didn't need to know why he decided to want to spend less time with his kids! It's his life now and as he doesn't want me to be part of it, I don't want to know.
Then he moved onto the legal separation paperwork! He was telling me that he had done his part and now it's legally binding. I already knew that, and that is why I wanted a legal separation! I don't really understand why he had to mention it as it all done through solicitors. The funny part was that his voice has been very calm and respectful not like last week. At one point he even made a comment about the dog saying he (the dog) shouldn't be upstairs. I said nothing but thought to myself as he no longer lives in his house what the dog does is none of his business!
I'm still hurt and sad about how my M ended, about the fact that H never wanted to work on it, but I think that I have now reach acceptance. I need to go on my journey and see what the world has to offer.
Sounds like your h feels guilty for shorting your kids w/his presence. Also, I could be wrong, but he's doing a temperature check to see where you are at w/everything going on.
As for the dog...you are right...who is he to tell you about he dog and where he should or shouldn't be? He doesn't live there any longer.
Bust on! You've got this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree! It's none of his business what goes on in your house anymore, with the dog or anyone/anything else! Funny how they want this but they cannot truly let go. My H does exactly the same. He is always saying "You shouldn't do that." or "You should do that." I want to scream at him that he no longer lives here, but of course I just grin and bear it.
How said that he has more important things to do than see his kids. If I didn't live with my kids I'd be clambering to see them as often and for as long as I could. I will never understand people who don't as long as I live. I'm so proud of you for the acceptance you have come to over your situation. It is not easy by any means to accept our uninvited situations. You're doing great! x
Having a down day and don't even know why. Last time I did NC with H I could see the difference in me straightaway as I was feeling better. I seem to have a pity party for myself! I don't seem to find anything enjoyable. I don't even know what I like any more. I still do what I have to do and I certainly don't want to stay home, but I can't seem to find something I like!
L rang to say that H has signed separation papers, so I'm going in tomorrow to sign mine! I don't want separation but I had to protect myself financially!
Why is it so easy for WAH to move on, to start a new life with OW, not be feel unhappy, to feel no remorse about what they have done, to not want to work on M?
The things H blames me for can't be changed as he isn't there and is getting his needs met somewhere else! How can a woman go for a married man and vice-versa? Is our society so corrupt that it's now everyone is being selfish and getting his/her needs met regardless of the hurt and pain they are causing!
