Honey.... Has he said he's willing to go to more counseling with you?
I understand that you want him to get help for his issues and are worried about him as a parent. However nothing good is likely to come of counseling right now. He's going to be convinced after this fiasco that you're just trying to hold on to him.
I'd say let it go, get a good divorce attorney and look after your interests.
Also, why did the therapist say obviously your meds weren't working? Were you crying or yelling in the visit? I'm not blaming you, you had good reason to be upset, but whatever it was, you have to figure it out before you end up in court before a judge. I've seen divorce court go very badly for distraught emotional women.
And btw I'm not saying you have to give up on the marriage, but just drop the rope. Quit giving him anything to run from. Protect yourself financially and focus on YOUR life as much as possible.
I believe you started out with a therapist as to work on communication between the two of you. But, the wires in their brain are so jumbled they can't even remember what they say from one second to the next. All you'll be doing is arguing further as you will say "we agreed to x" and he won't even remember that.
It will drive crazy and it will probably convince him that you guys don't get along.
The only chance you have with MLC is giving LOTS of time and space while you move forward. Sometimes when you take the pressure off them completely they slow themselves down.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
no i was not yelling. I actually would go in smiling happy and she would just tear at me.I am going to start getting things situated for divorce and let go. I just have a deep issue with his anger and all the guns he has recently purchased. I just want to protect my boys and have no clue how
MLC is not recognized in the medical society as an illness. As for the therapist, I'm going to suggest that you find a counselor that you can meet up with (only you) for now. Why? Because a MLCer will only hear what they want to hear and because their brains are scrambled due to depression and issues w/those endorphins, they will give up entirely too easy and trust me, they can spin a story that will make a professional cry and be concerned about.
You have to drop the rope (this is not giving up), give him plenty of time and space to choke on and start living your life as if he's not coming back. You have to look out for you and your kids and just leave the man to do his own thing for now. Focus on YOU! You are the only one that can take care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally right now. Seek out a counselor that will work w/you in a safe environment. BTW, I, personally, do not think your therapist was very good and to say what she did about reporting you to the authorities about your cutting episodes years ago was a low blow.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have my own counselor and she is great. She was extremely upset at what happened at marriage therapy. I am looking into buying a house and paying 1/2 what i pay now in rent.That would be a big relief. I guess i sound like i am spinning...that therapist threw me off my game.
I am exercising and being the best mom i can be. I am going to take some classes soon. JOB- you have been missed. Thank you for your wise words KML- I agree with what you are saying HaWho- I am going to give him the space he needs
Apparently she was seeing him privately, is that not something that she needed to disclose?
Have you looked into the program (I think) called HARP? It's suppose to be an easier way to secure a loan for a home.
I'm glad you aren't allowing the other therapist to discourage you from continuing on w/your own therapy. Well, if she was seeing him separately, that could explain what she mentioned in the session. She judged you and the relationship prior to you attending the sessions.
Now, it's time to focus on you and it sounds like you've got some great ideas for GAL. Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will look into it. i think I will have my brother help me and have it under his name until the divorce goes through. My therapist feels I have come a long long way, I see her monday and am feeling alot better today. I think I am going to go dim for a bit. No dinner invitations will be accepted. He can pick up the boys at the door. I blocked his calls. He can message and ask to talk to the kids. I need time to heal and grieve. This MT really broke me. She was judgemental and quite unethical and threw my gains out...saying I am the same the same person from last year. I did not feel the need to defend myself to her, but I did enjoy calling her out on her lack of experience.
I am excited