Bttrfly is right; best not to engage as it only hurts you at this point. Plus, by listening you will learn more about how is intending to angle things and that is valuable info. heading into a meeting with your lawyer.
The "woe is me" bit about her having to birth children and carry children made me laugh out loud. Umm, well, she IS a mammal!! What did she think would happen? That she would lay an egg in the sand and walk off?
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I'm not sure if I would can say she is a strong fathers' rights attorney but I know she is supposed to be really good. Hopefully it doesn't come to that though. She also said w's attorney was easy to work with so hopefully that helps. During my first meeting she was asking me a lot of questions to feel me out which I liked. I don't think she's the type that would represent just anyone.
I haven't communicated much with w since the other night, only about kids, bank, and taxes. I didn't realize half the mortgage was going into our joint savings on each check so that was nice to find out, idk why she didn't tell me that before though. We had to file an extension but I'm relieved something got done. I couldn't do it myself without her stuff.
W isn't going on her trip because of the snow but decided to stay in a hotel in town with the kids to go swimming. We have a nice indoor city pool but I'm not going to try to figure it out.
Thank you for making me laugh about the egg, if only I were a seahorse.
Met with my attorney today, some good and some bad. On a good note she told me that a lot of the info w sent me was not true (i.e. state not allowing 50/50 custody, state considering it to stressful, etc) and that the visitation order her attorney sent was out of date. I gave her w's last email and she said "OMG I've never seen anything like this before." It was nothing compared to her letters she gave me at the beginning of this mess. I probably shouldn't have, but I shredded them at the time because they were so hurtful.
My attorney attempted a stipulation for shared custody as w spoke with me about before but the reply was that she was adametly opposed and she never agreed to anything of the sort. Well, I have an email from w proposing 50/50 along with a link to some different schedules. She also stated how I have caused scenes in front of the kids and have been causing a ruckus. I was also informed w was now planning on taking them again this weekend. Just last night she made sure I could pick them up Friday. What a joke lol. I wonder what w has been telling her. Looks like w is going to make things ugly. Now I have to get another retainer for a guardian attorney.
W really is gone. Never in a million years would the old w act this way.
i'm so sorry. I'm glad you have a good attorney. Stay strong for your children. We are all here for you. I am so very sorry you are going through this. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you, It really means a lot to me. I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't found everyone here.
The last few days have really taken a lot out of me, I've felt exhausted from the moment I wake up. I've been dreaming w is back and things are normal, I don't know what to make of that. I guess I still haven't accepted my sitch.
I called the kids' principal yesterday and let him know w and I seperated but no details of course. We've had a close relationship with him as he and the school my kids go to have been great to us. He sounded shocked as everyone else that knows. He said he has noticed s has been more sensitive lately. He told me he loves our kids and it's been great having them.
I have a meeting with the kids' teachers in the morning so I can let them know as well. I just need to make them aware as I can see it's affecting the kids, especially so with s's special needs.
Before I called the kids tonight I texted w about taxes and to ask about her dad. She replied about the taxes but that was it. I don't know if I should have but I sent another text and told her I cared how her family was and to please keep me informed. I know she must be must be really stressed again by the way she looked Monday night when she dropped the kids off. We talked a bit because I gave her the fluids for her car out of the garage because it's very specific and I saw she used the wrong oil last week when she was here when I took out the trash. The snow in the yard melted off today and there were a bunch of butts by the deck and by the front door too so she must be smoking again. She told me she spent some time in the house last week when she was taking care of the dogs last week when I was out of town. I wonder if she stayed here because there was dried up coffee grounds in the machine when I was cleaning.
I also asked w about picking up the kids Friday for this weekend and she said yes, it's your weekend. So idk what the email her attorney was talking about but I didn't bring it up.
I ran into a college friend at the store a while back and texted a bit. He said another of our friends lives here too and are planning on hanging out soon that will help me gal.
excellent. GAL is so very important. You are exhausted because this is mentally, spiritually and physically draining. Keep taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your children.
Sounds like you are doing better than you may think you are.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
You must be so pleased that the kids have a good support network at school. It is so good that the principal is caring and that you kept the teachers informed.
Also, well done for GAL. I'm a bit of a loner but since reaching out to old friends I found that I really enjoyed catching up with them.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
I am so sorry that your situation isn't any better. You did the right thing by informing the principal and teachers of the home situation. At least they are now aware of what is going on and can be more supportive of your children.
You are doing the right thing by speaking to a lawyer and protecting yourself, your children and your financial situation. I know that you didn't want to do this, but there are times when we are forced to do so. Listen to your lawyer and do not engage w/your wife any more about the financial and custody issues. Allow your lawyer to do the job that you've hired him/her to do.
Please take care of yourself and continue to do your GAL activities.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
