Keep your eye on the prize, your kids. You get that and you got the world. I would let the divorce work it's self out and then pause. If you have the kids under your control it might not be smart to destroy their mothers life. If you do and she goes into a downward death spiral that would not benefit your children. I'm not saying what to do. What I'm suggesting is to please consider your children when you go down that road because you never know what will happen. What is your motivation for retribution? ego? justice?
Could her blowing up her life be enough justice?
Jeep please consider compassion for your wife after you have won the divorce. It would be good for you and your children. You reap what you sow. Love your children
Could you tell her you sent the info when you in fact did not?
She would be shaken to the core, and possibly stop the PA.
I'd do this after custody has been decided...
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Damn mutatio, you are making wayyyy to much sense. I had thought this over and over and over. Everything is for my kids. As I said, if it weren't for them her stuff would have been plastered everywhere.
She has no conscience nor any sorrow for her actions. I would like to believe that her past issues created this monster, but that would be a whole different kettle of fish. She comes from a family of liars, and that's putting it so very nicely. Quite honestly, I'm not sure what to make of her. I'm catching her in more and more lies, too. Maybe she really is as imbalanced as her actions suggest, but if that's the case, then she needs to be removed from their lives at the worst or have some sort of supervision.
But, if her crap is just an act - like her suicidal thoughts, etc - and she is doing it for attention or whatever, then she needs to be out of their lives. Those morals/values are totally unacceptable. I'm not sure, but there are indications that she is doing a lot of it for attention. She is a master at playing the victim.
She shows no remorse and doesn't accept responsibility for her actions in any form. Nothing short of a literal kick in the ass will make her wake, and even then I'm not sure. There have been occasions (albeit few and far between) where I have been brutally honest about the kids, to which she almost recoils and shows cracks in whatever is surrounding her. That is why I feel that she needs to really have her eyes opened. She sees what she wants too. But she is being led by someone, and I have a feeling it's her sister.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Calling that bluff won't work, I don't think. I'm not sure her and the OM are still in cahoots. Word spreads very fast in navy med (due to it being a fairly small group) and I'm sure that if I report it wouldnt be long before word got back to her. That's a tight group, and to go that route all ducks need to be in a row. I have everything I need, but I'm not sure I'll go there.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Hi Jeep. It's very clear you are very very hurt ( rightly so ) and I would advise caution until such time as a clear head can prevail
You have all the cards and you don't need to show any of them out of anger.
The kids are all important and that's the focus here. In 5 years time , Jeep could be madly in love with a new fantastic lady and W will be a bad memory OR W may be back home , either way Jeep wants to be able to look back on this time and know he acted as the best Jeep possible
If you NEED to show your cards to protect your kids then that's a different matter but act from the best you not an angry you
Just curious, are you interested in getting some of her mil retirement? If you sink her you may not be able to get that. If the M is over, you have to look at long term benefits now. Also, you are letting her win by you being so upset, and her having a clear mind. I would go after the retirement, that is the biggest win, and let her get promoted so your portion keeps getting larger by the year.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
I agree with Mu, look to your children. If OM is a scum and you don't want you don't want him near them you have a good sanction.
If you are going to blow her career to what end? You will have a deeply resentful WW and after D she will not care. Lies to say her A started at a different point and you are just anot angry xH.
Who knows, I can't see any benefit in reporting at all, if you were to do this would it repair your R? I doubt it.
There is only one window for it and that is now.
What is best for your children?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I realize that each of you are right. I won't report her - honestly I'm not sure I have it in me to ruin her career due to the kids. If we didn't have kids I'd cut my losses and sink her the fullest I can. Unfortunately, due to her mental condition, I'm not sure anything other than a "death knell" will get her to realize anything - in other words, I feel it's going to take a great loss open her eyes. And divorce isn't going to deliver that kind of blow. Remember that due to her past she is at her best running from problems. After all, she is famous for leaving relationships when changing duty stations.
Also I realize how easily she is led - especially by her sister. Remember that those two went through that hell of an abuse together. her sister defines the word narcissist. And, the sister was against us from the beginning. She controls my W like no other - when my W had a miscarriage she hadn't told anyone for a week or so but me, then one of our friends asked on FB about the pregnancy - I responded after getting her ok. Anyway, the sister catches wind and calls screaming at my W about how dare she not tell her first. And then there was the time the SIL told my W that their relationship means nothing - only because my W stood up to her once. Now they are best buds - going to concerts and all that shite... Oh, the SIL is also in the process of getting a divorce. Imagine that.
There are little murmurs starting about those two having a plan for the kids - and the influence is beginning to show. If that keeps up, I fear the nuclear option may be the only way to go.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Hi Jeep74. Only you know the situation real time and you have to make judgement calls based on that. Only advice that maybe needs repeating is , Act in haste and repent at leisure
You are sounding strong and I hope you have someone to bounce off when things happen that might prompt a reaction
Thanks, RD. unfortunately I don't have anyone to bounce things off of when shite gets crazy. Right now, I can't stand her. Period.
Honestly, I never thought I'd ever get to this point. I'm not even sure I'd ever entertain the thought of "us" again. Ugh. Oh well, it is what it is.
I'm gearing up for the fight of my life over the kids. She is being told so many things and spouting off so much about what she will do and what I can/can't do that its crazy. She truly believes that she holds are the cards. Boy will she be in for a surprise.
I've given everything so much thought. Even after all the terrible shite she's done, I can't destroy her. I'm doing what I can just to stay afloat and be strong for the kids. Honestly, sometimes I just wish that she'd just totally disappear from our lives - but the kids love her and I can't imagine hurting them.
Day by day, man, day by day.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
