New Thread for Help

[Vapo]

Do not worry about it... She is just using it as a convenient excuse for her wayward behavior. If it wasn't that, she would have used something else. That is why you do not trust them with anything they say...

I know you are analyzing your behavior to try and"fix it". You can't. Focus on yourself and let that $hit go. She is beyond your reach ATM. And I would completely ignore anything she says. Let the lawyers handle it.

[GWH]

I agree with Vapo. Remember brother believe nothing they say.

[CWOL]

My WW's lawyer is trying to milk it for as much as she can. My legal bill so far is less than half my WW's. My WW herself does not really understand the legal system but does not trust me so she said she has "full trust in her L.
WW's L sold her on the premise that *I* will be paying her legal bill. However, it doesn't work that way but you better believe she's not going to explain that to my WW. At best her fees will come out of the community assets, but likely she will have to bear her own costs.

[CWOL]

The Separation Agreement has been completed. Waiting for the other side to confirm they took the RFO off the court calendar. Then I have to sell some bonds from our community property to pay her lawyer off (whether it comes out of our joint assets or hers alone we left until the final D settlement).

Theoretically I should be glad and breath a sigh of relief since we won't have to go to court next week and waste another $7K or so fighting over the legal fees. But in reality, last night was one of the most difficult nights I've had since D-Day. The stipulation in the agreement said that WW needs to leave my house within 10 days of me paying her off. Where she has lived for the past 18 years. I am just really sad at what is happening.

What really gnaws at me is that she will be receiving half of my after-tax pay, due to our Liberal state's laws. Only a third of that is Child Support for my son, whom I have 50% custody as well. Where is the fairness in this? She betrayed me, I didn't cheat on her! My L said that this will get knocked down in settlement by 10-15%. However, I just feel screwed by this whole system of "no fault divorce." I feel I am the one being punished, not her.

I know the DB thing is to Detach, but how do I reconcile myself with this unfairness, when I have to write these checks twice a month? Just thinking about it makes me ill. I just feel she needs to receive at least SOME punishment. I am not convinced karma is going to do it. Can anyone suggest a way for me to deal with this feeling? Would IC help? I am taking an AD to help control my rollercoaster emotions.

[J5K]

CWOL,

When you say you have 50% custody is that physical and legal or is it one of the two?

My W is pushing to settle without spending 30 to 50K. I am a nice guy and yes she may not want to work and raise the boys but this week I have been over her, like really over her. I would rather get a D with an amicable settlement between us and just move on.

I think I have also come to terms that I should not take their mother away as it may be seen as resentment. So what, even if I have to drive 4 hours to see my boys, I am still their dad. Her life is her business. I will do what I need to and live mine.

[CWOL]

CWOL,

When you say you have 50% custody is that physical and legal or is it one of the two?

My W is pushing to settle without spending 30 to 50K. I am a nice guy and yes she may not want to work and raise the boys but this week I have been over her, like really over her. I would rather get a D with an amicable settlement between us and just move on.

I think I have also come to terms that I should not take their mother away as it may be seen as resentment. So what, even if I have to drive 4 hours to see my boys, I am still their dad. Her life is her business. I will do what I need to and live mine.

Our temporary separation agreement is 50%/50% on both legal and physical custody. If she really wants to work with you, and you want to save money, you should be able to go to mediation and get it settled for 1/3 of the cost. I tried to get my WW to do that, she agreed at first then her L got her to change her mind. She thinks I'm trying to swindle her. The gall of a WW!

I am a nice guy too and I unfortunately am still not over her (yet, although I'm getting closer every day I read the legal filing she's doing!). I would like my S to have his mother as well, and my WW agreed with me on this, that's why we were able to agree to 50/50 early in the process.

You should have an advantage in your case as she is taking your children from their state of domicile and moving them to a foreign country. If you stand for your rights, no court in the U.S. will make you give up the custody of your kids to a foreign country.

[J5K]

[quote=JimKao]CWOL,

I am a nice guy too and I unfortunately am still not over her (yet, although I'm getting closer every day I read the legal filing she's doing!). I would like my S to have his mother as well, and my WW agreed with me on this, that's why we were able to agree to 50/50 early in the process.

You should have an advantage in your case as she is taking your children from their state of domicile and moving them to a foreign country. If you stand for your rights, no court in the U.S. will make you give up the custody of your kids to a foreign country.

Is there really an advantage if we come to an agreement? If I can get her to agree to 50/50 regardless of the overnights then who cares. I don't want to be the person who is keeping score.

Everyone has their opinion on schools, and where to live, it is how we as parents focus on our children that really make the difference in how successful they are.

I know the laws in Canada and if I can get her to put something in the agreement that she will not go after more in the future then I should be fine.

We are getting our D in Michigan anyway so precedent will be set. (Her action of filing in Michigan shows she does not care about me and just wants to move on. She would have gotten so much more in Canada). She will have to argue long and hard in Canada to get more.

[CWOL]

I am puzzled, how would you even do 50/50 custody across borders with a 4 hour drive? What schools would they go to? Do you swap every month or every week? The overhead would be atrocious.

Luckily my WW got an apartment a mile from my house, in order to be in the same school district which I guess is a very important legal consideration.

[J5K]

Would mean I would move up to Toronto. What I am thinking is having 2 scenarios. One with me living in Michigan and one with me living in Toronto. I just need time to process if I really want to move there after the D. This will at least be set in stone and gives me flexibility based on job opportunity in the future if I decide to come back to Michigan. I would give her the same child support as if I were living in Michigan, I would just get more overnights with my boys if I wanted.

[CWOL]

Would mean I would move up to Toronto. What I am thinking is having 2 scenarios. One with me living in Michigan and one with me living in Toronto. I just need time to process if I really want to move there after the D. This will at least be set in stone and gives me flexibility based on job opportunity in the future if I decide to come back to Michigan. I would give her the same child support as if I were living in Michigan, I would just get more overnights with my boys if I wanted.

That's an entirely different country. Do you really want to move there for the convenience of the woman who fired you from your job as the husband? Also, if your D is finalized in MI, wouldn't you have jurisdictional/venue problems later on in Canada if they disagree with the decisions of the MI court?

I would look at where you think you want to live long-term and the city that will be most beneficial to your career.