Ahh, how quickly life changes. It looks like I will be signing the divorce papers this week. Here is the back-story:
Yesterday, d21 had a "Gender Reveal Party" for the baby she will have in August. 15 people family, friends were there. The baby was revealed to be a girl - everyone is very excited.
W and I both attended. As I was about to leave when W pulled me aside to "talk". We had issues to go over on the divorce, so I agreed.
W asked me why I had not signed her attorney's stipulated divorce papers. I shot out that I am mad about how s14 is being treated in the divorce - I told her that after the knife wielding incident, W told me that I would have s14 in March and April, and we would take a look at this in May.
I then told W that after my spine fusion surgery, I could have used having s14 around my place to help out. And then I told her I would not accept her asking for sole physical custody of s14.
W told me that she had not read the divorce agreement, and that she wants me to have custody along with her. And she also told me that she has not held s14 back from coming to my place - this was totally his decision.
Then came the bombshell. W told me that she needed me to sign the divorce papers ASAP - om is dying. And he has agreed to marry W and give his sizeable pension to her. But he was in the hospital twice last week. She needs the divorce done now.
Om is a 44 year old guy in good shape. But he did have a heart attack last June, but he continues to play baseball, so my response to W's news was "he's in good shape, he's not going to die any time soon."
W responded that om doesn't have long to live. And W really neeeeeeds this pension money to put a roof over her head, and in case any of our children need a place also.
I don't have any retirement assets. I can't pay W any alimony. So I understand her strong desire to get om's pension money. W still does not have a job.
We discussed the money W allegedly stole from me for d20's private school tuition, and W agreed that half the amount could be applied to child support. So it looks like all of the major issues are dealt with.
I don't believe that om is really close to dying. But it does make sense in putting together some of the information the children have told me about W and om's relationship. S14 told me W doesn't even like om, along with stories that he is racist, and has insulted d21's bf. I don't think W would put up with this unless there was a strong incentive for her to do so - like om's pension and his health issues.
So I am acting as my own attorney (I've done a handful of divorce cases, as well as attending the major divorce conference last year, so I've got enough background to do this). I will contact W's attorney today with the details of the changes I need and see if we can get a final agreement this week.
She's lying about the OM's health. He probably cooked up the lie. Stop enabling this horrible behavior. Take the lead in this whole situation and you might save it, if that is what you want at this point.
Golly! As you say it all sounds a little questionable. Cirrhosis perhaps? I had some contact with a guy who was in the later stages of this. He didn't look too bad, was only 35 and died a shortish time after.
I've also had dealings with a guy who lied about his partner having cancer in order to take some time off work (and earn freelancing income too.) Oh, the joys of working in HR!
Who knows what is happening, but I guess you can move towards D at a 'helpful' pace, ensuring all aspects are resolved to your satisfaction.
Sorry things are still headed in this direction, but it's good if you now feel the main areas are resolved.
Take care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Well, no, he can't will her his pension.... They have to be married for that. And it's actually probably better to go through with the divorce, if everything is worked out, and have the ex with some money from OM..... Means she can contribute her share to S14s upkeep and is less likely to be a burden on the kids later.
I think you have to be married at least 15 years,to get a spouse pension.I may be wrong but I was entitled to an equalizing of pensions because of the long term marriage.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
No, if you're divorcing there may be such provisions but if you're married and your partner dies, the spouse can get benefits. If the person who died was already collecting a pension though, it depends on how they took the pension. Usually you can opt for a higher amount that dies with you, or a lower amount that still gives your spouse something when you die. (Note for non American readers, we are talking about private pensions here, not your "pensions" from the government that are equivalent to our Social Security).
Incidentally, it's my understanding that there is not a minimum time to be married to collect Social Security survivor benefits, although if your spouse dies of a terminal illness shortly after marriage, they may investigate to see if it was a real marriage or a sham to get benefits.
Just to clarify though, if you are divorced you need to have been married ten years to collect social security benefits based on your ex. But if you're married there's no formal time requirement.
