my wife can't decide (II)

[WillDo]

And this is not depression. It is sadness. I am able to control myself. When in depression, I can't get out of bed.

As I said before, W was supportive during my illlness. Now she is critical of my illness. W says it is not in my hands, but regrets being a carer. That hurts.

[sandi2]

What I am trying to say is that you write about your problems with depression and her affair. It is not getting anywhere. Maybe we can try to focus on some healthy activities you can start. Some activities that would be good for the mind, spirit and body. See if we can make a few steps forward for yourself.

Tell us about your life outside of the M. What do you do for fun? Do you belong to any organizations, church, club, group, etc. Do you enjoy any hobbies? What type of work do you do every day?

Help us get acquainted with you. What were you like as a teenager in school? Were you shy, popular, in sports, a geek, a leader or a follower, etc.

You said you had problems communicating. Is that with one person, everyone, a particular type of communicating, or what? Have you ever gone to a class that teaches how to communicate effectively?

[WillDo]

I see what you are saying.

I would be regarded as a geek. Into his studies and trying hard on whatever I do. Communication hasn't been major trouble however assertiveness has been and I did take course about it. I feel the guilt of saying and/or doing things regarded as bad.

I will expand when I can squeeze in time.

Thank you!

[WillDo]

I should speak about myself. But I have nowhere else to go. I know at least somebody will listen. We were on holiday for 10 days. Went well. Even once was called "hero of my life". When we came back, I said I would sleep at the martial bed. She mumbled but I still slept. Tonight went to bed and then after an hour woke up due to jetlag she was not there. She was in the other room. Well sue is right now. She said she couldn't sleep and that I was snoring. I said it will be harder to sleep in that bed. Just nudge me. She said she woukd cme back middle of the night.

And sadest of all, I know she is playing with me. She is probably go yo a concert with OM. I had seen the tickets. She says she will be at yoga but will come with an excuse to get back late.

Really I want to scream out. This is the only place I can ket it out. I have tons to at work, tones to do at home and I can't sleep again.

I read the MLC chapter from the book and tried to hold on Deception is all around me.

I just needed somebody to listen. Thank you.

[Phoebe]

Hi WillDo. I'm so sorry for difficulties you have been having. You have been betrayed by someone who is very important to you and it is such a violation of trust.

I can relate to the feeling of being surrounded by deception. I struggle with wondering how much of what my H has said to me over the last couple years is truth vs. fiction. It really throws your entire life into question. In part, you wonder how it is that you could have possibly missed all the lies as they piled up.

Hang in there, WillDo. Do whatever you can to take care of yourself right now.

[WillDo]

Thanks Phoebe. I try to remrmber the good days and act as if things will turn around.

I rememered an incident before we went to bed. One of her school friends filed a divorce. We had no idea they had issues. Sad to see marriage break. She didn't comment much apart from saying you can display a happy family just like ours.

I stll don't know whether to confront the affair in front f the counsellor. Her resentment could grow.

You know what I felt it before. I feel like an anxious school boy going to school. Anxious of worrying who he will become.

[WillDo]

I was curious when she would talk about the concert. She just sent a text that she found a spare ticket. She called and I said "Are you saying the truth" Then I twisted I was talking to a friend. She said she was tired of my paranoia. I did see the ticket in her purse. I didn't say and stick to the story that I was talking to a friend. Well I had to think of a friend speaking my language. So I lied to a lie. I feel awkward.

[WillDo]

Should have I told what I know? She must feel guilty. She says I made her lose her motivation. Add things like she doesn't have to get permission and that she earns her own money. Do I put her under pressure?
She must feel guilt. She is lying. But putting pressure on me.

[WillDo]

I just needed her to feel bad one way or the other. I don't think she feels that bad. She had scheduled it long before. I don't want confrontation. Especially based on me going through her things. I will wait for her to come back from the concert and be comforting.

And again I am vetting. I have nowhere else. It has been tough keeping my mouth shut and putting up with hurt.

I want to save the marriage.

Again thank you for listening. I know I don't make sense and can't cope with anything.

[WillDo]

She says I made her feel bad. I feel confused and now worried. We had a good holiday and again things are taking a wrong route.