Finding myself and leaving my Wife to her MLC

[job]

Irish,
Sometimes they have moments of clarity and they'll reach out to others. It could also be that she doesn't have anyone to pal around w/and needs someone to do things with.

I agree...she's no where near baked up and she's got a ways to go.

Continue has you have been, i.e., moving forward.

[BrightFuture]

Hi Irish, thinking of you today. The first BD anniversary is hard. Hang in there.

[inpain]

Hi Irish

I can only imagine how hard the one year BD anniversary must be. It sounds like you handled the day well.

Your W's sudden interest in old friends is strange indeed and the timing of it too. It seems she is also conscious of the anniversary of BD.

Were the girls affected by the anniversary or did the things you mention keep their minds off it successfully?

Hugs, IP

[mleigh4]

That BD date is not fun. I find on difficult dates, do something new and fun to make it a new memory.

I am glad the day is over for you and I hope you found it to come and go easier than you thought.

I love the R you have with the girls. They sound like they are doing well.

Like Job said, the contracting of friends could just be a moment of clarity. My H has done that a couple of times, then back to silence. It's interesting timing though, right?

Stay positive and strong.

[CaliGuy]

I never thought about doing something good on 'difficult' dates .... you live this MLC nightmare long enough you have more of those crap-anniversary dates in your head and pair them with the old good ones which now have gone bad its like a suck day once a month if you let it take you down that road. I chose to allow the hurt and anger in for 10 minutes then to not let it jack up the rest of my day, Whats that saying "Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad 5 minutes you milked all day?"

As far as her reaching out to old friends ... allow me to introduce you to "Not my circus, Not my monkeys" ... as Job touched on the reasons could be anything, heck she might want informants to report to her so she can justify what she did ... maybe there was an old recipe she needed, who knows ...My advice... you can not wrap your head around this kind of crazy so do not read into it nor react to it.

[Irish M]

I agree...she's no where near baked up and she's got a ways to go.
Continue has you have been, i.e., moving forward.

Hi Job :-) yes I have been through 3-4 of these clarity or popping her head out of the tunnel. Always ends the same way, she makes a fuss then back to run and avoid. Thanks for your support.


Hi Bright :-) thanks for thinking of me. xx I made it through thew day because I put a lot less with less thought into it as many hear have helped me learn the "let it in and let it out" :-)

Were the girls affected by the anniversary or did the things you mention keep their minds off it successfully?

Hi IP :-)
The girls did have comment early morning and got it out of their system. D15 wanted to sleep on the couch to take that night back and own it. The memory of her sitting by the window waiting for her mom to come home and crying all night haunts her. I did let her sleep there as It was her choice and she felt the need to do it. Besides that we kept busy and the day was a good one. May 30 is just another day to us. We own that day.

I am glad the day is over for you and I hope you found it to come and go easier than you thought.

mleigh :-) thank you so much for the support.

The only bad part of the day was the text messages I got from my buddies wives. They did not add her. They are family to me and saw first hand what STBXW did to the girls. Also a little incident that happened threw me off for about 15 mins. see below.

you can not wrap your head around this kind of crazy so do not read into it nor react to it.

Hi Cali, so true, so true. And if you read below i think I did good in shaking emotions off.
Good hearing from you.


Timing for her to reach out to the wives was weird. Weirder was this event. STBXW works in my town. She moved 45 mins away to be with OM. on the 30th, I was at a light and looked to my right. There she was. The angle her car was positioned in a way I could not see her face . Only saw her arm. My heart started pounding. Arms grew weak. I haven't crossed paths with her, or saw her since she bailed out on mediation in January. The light turned green and I drove. We were heading in the same direction. I tried to stay back but in her lane the cars stopped and I had passed her. I avoided to look. I have a Jeep that no one in my area or cities surrounding have. It is very noticeable. As I pulled in front of her she sped up as if to drive side by side. I avoided it and drove off. Weird day but it still did not bring me down.

I got home and shook it off.

the next day I get a text message asking me to "get out and stay out of her life"
?? what? I respond and say I am out remember you chose this.
she then responded that she can contact who she wants.

I figure one of the wives told her that they were not adding her as a friend and I am to blame.

I said to the wives if they want to add her go for it. I just don't want to hear any of the crap my STBXW has to say.

I text my STBXW " add whoever you want its up to them to add you they are adults. However I better not hear your crap about the kids or me to justify your behavior. they will see through it."

STBXW replies. I will send this text to my lawyer.

what?? lol I guess she sees that as a threat or controlling . no clue. I reply. please do. I'm sure they enjoy you wasting their time. take care.

She has completely lost it and I won't let it get to me. Went that evening to watch a sunset by the lake and filmed a time-lapse of the sun going down through pink and purple clouds. was amazing.

hope all is well in everyone's lives

hugs to you all.

Irish

[CaliGuy]

Irish

Man my STBX could have written all that. I will tell you how I started handling it all, and maybe you can look back at this as a learning point hopefully it can be as big for you as it was for me

Was a response even needed by you? Sure it's nice to try and truth dart telling her she did this... But you've done some homework... That's guilt and pressure right so nothing good was going to follow. Next time ... Don't reply, at all... I have gone over countless texts without replying as no reply was needed. Was not punitive it was simply me refusing to waste energy on Simone who chose to leave and enter her crisis .... They don't need us in there so don't feed the hamster

[inpain]

Wow Irish, your WAW is sadly still clearly very messed up! Fancy texting you to stay out of her life when she was the one chasing in her car! She seems to still have some kind of anger towards you in her MLC world of it all being your fault.

I like Caliguy's idea of not even replying next time. Sounds like the best advice to me as she just seemed to be wanting an argument. Let her ride on her roller-coaster alone.

Hope you and your girls are well.

[Irish M]

Cali and IP , you are both right . No answer is better.

It seems my STBXW has claimed with the tax man that she lives alone, with the girls, at my house address. I must be in a different realm because I live here with the same 2 daughters alone . No STBXW around lol

Huge child benefits were paid out to her. False claims ect. I cleared it up on my end.

If that wasn't enough crazy, I had an appointment for my D15. STBXW should of been there for this interview as witness and support. My D15 was so nervous about this interview she had asked me if her mom would be there and it will just mess her up seeing her mom.

A week ago in the text exchange I asked my STBXW if she will be present. No reply no comment.

The interview was schedualed for 9am yesterday. I get a text at 8:58am
STBXW will not come. I relayed the message to my D15 and she was relieved. Less stress. After the interview D15 says to me. " mom could of advised us way before this morning. She waited for 2 minutes before. I lived a week of stress about my mom. Could of been avoided. "

I didn't reply again to any of her messages.

I receive another one.
Asking why I dont contact her mother. I'm keeping the girls from their grandmother. Ohhh i wanted to reply. I disn't. I have been replying to these texts and always repeating myself. Let her figure it out.

I'll reply here to get it out of my system.

Your mother has cut the girls off since aug 2 2015
No birthday , XMas or anything .
She is the adult and she broke their trust and respect . If she wants it back she will need to earn it . Entitlement won't work here.

That felt good :-) I need to do that here more often

[bttrfly]

Hey Irish
{{{hugs}}}
Yes vent here ...
Xo