Ugh.. Her and holidays. Thursday she texted me at work and asked what we should do for Easter as we usually go to my parents. I said idk let me think about it asked if she had any ideas. She then texted back how she wanted kids split for which holidays with no suggestion for what to do for Easter. I didn't reply.
I think she's trying to get me upset. She's been really stressed the last couple days and trying to get me to be defensive.
Friday she was acting really strange, if I made eye contact she would raise her eyebrows then say "what?" Or bite her lips. She also seemed really depressed. She said she had an appt after I got home from work and she would be back soon with dinner. I got a text later that she wouldn't be back until later and asked me to take care of dinner but to tell the kids she would bring desert before bed. Well she came home at 9 the next morning.
I'm glad I got desert when we were out so the kids weren't too let down about that. They didn't say much, sadly i think they're starting to see it as par for her now but are too young to see what's going on. I held them both for a while and we stayed up a little late and watched some tv before bed. It's so frustrating how insensitive she can be to them. There are other times she's great but it seems to be less and less.
Yesterday morning I woke up really early with a terrible dream about w and couldn't go back to sleep so I got up. W's car wasn't in the garage and the kids had play dates she arranged, one coming to our house, and kids tell me they're at the same time. I cleaned, made breakfast, and texted so I could drop s off a little early and make it back home for d's friend came over. I got a call from an unknown number and it was w. She sounded upset and told me she went to have a couple drinks with her bosses (h&w) and blacked out and they took her to their house (wow, a text might have been nice! What kind of people are they? They know she has kids at home and I suspect OM. Her attitude has changed since she started working for them. In their defense who knows what she has told them. If this is even what happened). She said she didn't remember leaving the bar and it's never happened to her before and kept apologizing but I didn't say hardly anything. Interestingly she said "I feel like I'm 18" (she doesn't seem to be hung over either, weird).
She got home when I was leaving and then got an attitude with me for taking the kids to drop s off. When I got home I took a note I left in case d's friend showed up off the door. W snipped asking me what it was, she must have thought it was for her.
Her eyes were not right, Its hard to describe it, they seemed a little off from each other. Not to mention more dead than normal shark eyes.
Last night w stood in the hall and talked to me while I did laundry in my room. Then she said I guess I will go to step inlaws and you can take the kids to your parents' for Easter.
Idk what to do, I don't want to do that to the kids and I don't want to be asked where she is all weekend. I also think she will go to step inlaws and make me out to be a jackass. I wonder if this is where she would really go anyway. She didn't seem to concerned about the kids:( I thought about asking step mil if w was going but i don't want to put her in the middle of the sitch, I don't want a pity invite (w made it clear I was not invited but I know it's just her, step mil would never do that to me and even invited me up on my own last time we talked) and to drag our baggage there. I think I am going to stay in town with the kids and have our own little Easter. I feel bad but I can't deal with my family and this right now.
I hope I'm doing the right thing standing. I know something is seriously wrong with w but I sure don't want my kids to think it is okay to be treated like I am or to treat someone how w does to me. On the other hand, one day they will know I did everything I could for w and our family.
I don't know if I handled her latest out all night okay. I just took care of what needed done yesterday and didn't say hardly anything to her. This is completely unacceptable, it was hard to keep quiet. Now she's acting as if it were me out all night.
I just want to tell you that you are a really good dad. Make Easter the best it can be for you and your kids. Try not to analyze too much yet as she may change plans again.
I hate to ask this but could she be using drugs? Just thinking about her blackout. Obviously, you can't control that but if she is supervising/driving kids, it certainly matters. And it does become your business.
As for the lack of eye contact and the lip biting, that's her guilt showing.
The running around in replay is really tough. We have to take care of the kids first and foremost, as you are already doing. Personally, I said very little in those months. It was all so pathetic. My "strategy" (if you can call it that) was to hope it would wear thin and sizzle out. It was hard to zip it. As crazy as this sounds my h seems to be done with that portion and I swear, I don't think he realized he was even doing it.
Do you have family who can watch your kids so you can get a break? MLC with young kids in tow is a tough row to hoe. How can you carve out some time for you?
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thank you so much for the compliment, it made my day!
I don't think she is on any drugs unless she took something for her pain. I know she took tramadol Wednesday but as far as I know, from what she's old me, that was it. She usually tells me if she takes something because she has had some bad medication reactions but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't anymore.
Thank you for the advice, I almost slipped up this weekend but then shut my mouth. W sounds like her mother from time to time lately, it's terrible.
I might have the kids go with my parents some weekend, but I'd have to get out of town. W isn't too nice without the kids around.
I think I've decided to stay home with kids for Easter, i'm not going to let her go out every weekend and leave me alone on a holiday and I'm not ready to deal with my family.
Funny, she went grocery shopping again today and she bought a lot of things she would we were married. Last time it was from her childhood. she's making things and getting upset that the kids aren't eating totally forgetting they've never had much of it and that we ate nearly vegetarian for the last few years until BD, but it was her idea when we started.
W is unbelievable, I haven't felt good all weekend and yesterday I was supposed to leave town but was sick. W came in twice and got mad at me both times. Then she came home in the afternoon with s who got sick at school and tried to pick a fight. Just what need while sick.
I canceled my last IC appt because she told me she needed me to pick up the kids. Later she told me she didn't need me to pick the kids up but I didn't tell her I canceled it (why wouldn't i cancel?). She flipped out and said she called the office and knew I wasn't there and was demanding to know where I was for that hour. She was completely awful yesterday.
Still felt terrible last night. I was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep and I could hear w talking on phone through the vent, pretty sure it was om. I went down and knocked on her door and it took her forever to answer (with only short robe on) I told her I could hear her through the vent and she got really po'd then tried to say she was talking to her sister which is a lie by the way she sounded. This is so aggravating.
I ended up leaving town this morning still not feeling the best. She would barely look at me the morning and had an attitude. S got sick again this morning so I'm sure she's also mad her plans are interrupted.
Her narcissism is becoming worse and worse. I can nearly check off every box. It's unbelievable who she has become.
Omg idk what to do.. I know why w was mad when I didn't leave Monday and ties when I still felt sick. She moved out when I was out of town this week. She sent a text to me this morning now I have a 5 hour drive with coworkers. I've also been insanely sick all week. This just awful. I'm trying to stay calm I can't believe she did this to me I feel humiliated.
I am so very sorry. Normal people don't function in this fashion, obviously. Do not let yourself feel humiliated because of her and something you have no control over. She has gone crazy, plain and simple.
I have said the following on Irish's thread. So many men walk away from their responsibilities that, sadly, as a society no one really questions it anymore. We don't really stop to think how broken a man has to be to do that to himself and his loved ones because so many men now do it. When a woman walks away from her kids it really screams and flashes sirens that this is a person in tremendous crisis.
For me to walk away from my kids, I would have to be completely insane. If I had even an ounce of sanity left I would taking my kids with me come h€ll or high water.
You didn't break her but you can't go down with her ship. You have to take care of you and your kids. Drop the rope and let her go.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Why on earth should YOU feel humiliated, when this behavior just reflects badly on your WIFE?
Take a deep breath - I know this feels really disrespectful (and it is). She obviously has been planning this for a while, and she was a coward to not tell you.
Do you know where she has moved? Did she take the kids with her? Furniture? You definitely need a lawyer ASAP to protect your rights as far as child custody goes.
Take the high road - just be factual, deal with the legal and financial logistics. If there is any chance of her returning (assuming you would even want her after a stunt like this) it will be better if you always stuck to the high road. Be firm - don't let her abuse you financially or with custody - but stay out of the mud. No blaming, no passive-aggressive stuff, just "If this is what you really want, I don't think you're making the right choice but it is your decision" and leave it at that.
Your lawyer can tell you whether in your state, her leaving the home constitutes any kind of abandonment - if you own your home, she may be giving up some rights to it in certain states. If she cleaned out bank accounts or took a lot of belongings she may have to reimburse you for those.
I know you feel like you just got sucker punched in the gut, but try to leave the emotional part out of it for the moment and just focus on the practical financial realities, for the sake of you and your kids. Keep what is in THEIR best interests foremost in your mind.
Thank you for the replies and advice. I wish I would have had a chance to read this before I saw w. She texted quite a few times this afternoon wondering when I would be back so she could drop off the kids. She was in a hurry. I took a couple steps back dbing when she dropped the kids off,not bad, I stayed calm and they were truth darts really but I definitely should have kept my mouth shut. She just scoffed at me got an attitude and left.
I broke down after she left and it started to upset the kids so I had to get it together. We got pizza and dyed eggs. Even sent w a couple pics. Tonight d said she wanted me close so the kids are in my bed tonight. Tomorrow I might look at moving them into the bedroom next to mine that was the office.
She moved in with her friend. Definitely not thrilled about that! I only asked the kids a few questions. She didn't take anything with her but clothes, jewelry, etc. the bank account looks normal but I've got to get everything in order.
In her text she acted like I should know and said she sent an email. I've told her I rarely check that email before so idk why she thought I would see it this week. I checked it tonight and she said she wanted the kids Monday after school to Friday morning dropping them off and I could have them on the weekends. The kids told me that too after she left. I'm going to have to do a lot of thinking here. Looks like she wants the weekends to party, maybe the kids are better off with me every weekend if that's the life she wants.
Kml always gives very good advice. She is especially good at the "business side" of MLC. I would get to a lawyer ASAP.
As for her custody arrangement, it's pathetic. Theoretically, when dealing with a sane spouse you want a fair arrangement for you. But, someone who
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Sorry ... On my iPhone and hit submit accidentally.
Was going to say: someone who sneaks off like she did is clearly not sane. So, I could not say I would want her having too much time with the kids. It would worry me. Best to do as KML says and put the kids first.
Thinking of you.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
