Thanks Sotho, and thank you for telling that I'm not bothering everyone. This forum is my sanity lifeline at the mo am afraid. After my polite text he sent me a long one saying that I had to attend this or it would go to court. I politely just texted back I'm aware of the process.
He's nice when he wants to be and then kicks off when I don't do what he wants. I don't want this to go to court but then I didn't start this process....he did . I won't let myself be bullied or my children's home and security be put in jeopardy by his selfish actions.
If he can't afford to pay and has to live in a studio flat I don't care. He has done this to us, to me and the kids. As I keep saying love me or not......h didn't think this through when he 'decided' not to love me anymore
Mia, You aren't bothering anyone and that's what the forum is for, i.e., blogging, venting, asking questions.
No, none of them think through what they are about to embark on. All they see is freedom and freedom is just another word for nothing left to do. They don't think about the consequences of their actions.
Take care of your kids and yourself. Leave him to twirl in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Got another text demanding that I turn up to his mediation as otherwise it would go to court and trying to get me to tell him what I was going to cover in my mediation. Had to politely tell him to stop texting me. Which resulted in again him demanding I turn up and saying he was covering child access only 'so far'. Keep thinking have I been unreasonable over access and I know I haven't
Ok have done something bad that has gotten me depressed. Read a forum where everyone trashes any chances of reconciliation. I do wonder why I want to when he's behaved/ behaving so badly.
Yes, I've heard of it and the description that ciluzen provided describes it to a tee. It will take a while for that infatuation to burn out and it needs to die a natural death.
I agree 1000000000% with this, if it doesn't die a natural death it will last MUCH MUCH MUCH longer.......
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I can see that you are looking everywhere for answers in hope that people do reconcile despite an A, I was just like you. It's pulling you further down in your rabbit hole. Have you tried to research mindfulness? I have started it and it's good. Also I went on Google and looked for 365 happy quotes and I read one of then everyday and I feel better.
I know it's hard to shift the focus to something else than our situation but if you can do it even for just 4 minutes, you'd have started the healing & detachment process.
Ok have done something bad that has gotten me depressed. Read a forum where everyone trashes any chances of reconciliation. I do wonder why I want to when he's behaved/ behaving so badly.
You want to stop the pain, you still remember the good times & the "normal" H you used to have.
Take it from someone who has been in your shoes 1. It needs to fizzle out on its own 2. Even if he comes back it doesn't mean everything is all better 3. I've felt more pain AFTER my H "woke up" than during the dark times. That's because I finally let myself feel things instead of DB'ing and detaching.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Thanks twinmom , I just can't get past what he's done. I can't bare the fact that he doesn't love me after all this time and after all we've been through together.
I can't bare the look on his face when he's in front of when he picks the kids up. Yesterday I looked at him and thought he looked completely guilt ridden and old. Did it make me feel better...no I just spent the whole evening crying to a friend.
This pain I feel is unbearable and am seriously worried how it's affecting me. All I go back to is what did I do ( I know you are going to have. Go here job but sorry) . How could I have let my marriage fall apart and make it vulnerable to this. Why didn't I jump his bones more often, organise romantic dinners for just us. Why did I get so involved in work and the kids. Because I never in my wildest dreams thought he would ever do this. I took it all for granted and that is my doing.
Hi Mia, I saw an IC for a while in the early stages as there is a lot to process and the main thing is to get through it with your health intact. Perhaps this might be a helpful thing to consider if you haven't already - either through your GP, EAP at work or via Relate?
I understand your mind whirring and I'm sure we've all been there. It will change and settle in time truly xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I think I need to expand my story . Please don't think this sounds self pitying but I was talking to a counsellor this morning it all came out and I have an idea why I can't get over this.
13 years ago h and I had a daughter who unfortunately died. I was devastated. It was completely unexpected. I never had any counselling over it but had my s a year later. His birth was traumatic and I had severe pnd after for about 18 months. Again never saw anyone about it.
After our 2 nod son was born, a couple of years later I got pregnant again accidentally. I had to have a termination. But it didn't work so I had a very traumatic experience their. After everything we had been through I thought nothing could break us, in fact brought us closer and it did for 19 and a half years. So now he has left after all that...I feel bereft. Another thing I have to get over but this time on my own.
I think about what would have been our daughters birthday and we can't share it now. We can't talk about the dodgy music I picked for the funeral....how we went to McDonald's afterwards. We can't share the lead ups to the births of our children. We have been through so much...and I'm sure others have too...but I think because I never dealt with these traumas it has all come to a head and everything is piling up.
