I need to detach more.......He went full spew mode calling me a hoover parent and a manipulating controlling crazy chick......I know it is spew but it got to me. I gave him my wekend so he could spend time with the boys...they miss him...nope still horrid how dare i? He is getting worse full rage mode.
One way to avoid spew is to minimize contact. Make kid exchanges short and preferably at a distance (i.e. Stay in the car when dropping the kids off, or leaving immediately on his arrival if he's spending time with them at your place. ) train him to communicate with you by text, or better yet, email.
It's sad, and I know, scary that he's not getting the help for his PTSD/ tbi that he should. You've given it your best shot. If you think any of his family or friends would believe you, you can try passing that baton on to them . But ultimately, you may need to accept that you can't save him while he's focused on you as the problem. Drop the rope,
His family is completely oblivious. They can give two ships about him. We are going to the VA center Monday. After all is said and done, It is in THEIR hands. Seems like he failed his class and he is taking it out on me...Not my pony show...I watched the kids with no inconveniences to him...this all falls on him..I just want to get things written and restrictions noted. I am genuinely worried about my kiddos, they are my concern. If H gets pissed or thinks i am manipulating him...i do not care. He has gained 50lbs in the last few months and is always ill...it is scary
A fifty pound weight gain in a few months is pretty significant. Usually weight gain that dramatic is due to either prescription medications (Paxil is notorious for weight gain in some people, steroids like prednisone, some of the newer antipsychotics do it too), a totally fast food diet, or hypothyroidism. Has he had his thyroid checked?
Not sure about any of it. I am out of the loop on anything health related, he says it is none of my concern. I know he is still hacking up alot and has been for the past few years, I told him that sounds horrible maybe you should get it looked at...i'm good is all he says. I was finally able to sit down and watch concussion today and it so happens H came by just as we started it. He watched it and was very intrigued by it...but said nothing. Tomorrow we go to the VA..am praying that he can get help...but it is up to him whether he takes it...after this i consider myself done ...i have done all i can do..honestly having the eggshells feelings on friday showed me that I am done..I like peace and tranquility...i do not want the negativity
That's great that he happened to come when you were watching that movie. Hopefully even though he didn't talk about it, hopefully the idea will sink in and take root.
I committed a big NO NO last night. After seeing him in therapy(just basic intake) he kept rolling his eyes and mouthing whatever like a true 15yr old I called his mother. Have not spoken to her in almost a year. I flat out said I have done all I can do for this man..to the point of dragging him to the VA he is yours now.I spelled it out flat out to her...he has ptsd...he is in denial..can wear a happy mask with all.. but drops it around me and my sister. He has been lying to me about everything... my mil was shocked to hear his stories. I can't even begin to explain the lunacy in the words that he has uttered to me...ughh He is being agresive with the dog now and it breaks my heart but i can't do anything else. I have parenting guidelines we will hash out..then i am out
I don't see how that was a no no. You did your best to get him the help he needed, and you alerted family members as to what is going on with him so that hopefully they can take over as needed.
That's really all you can do right now, that and try to work out a parenting plan that protects your kids, and get your own financial house in order as best you can as there's no telling whether you'll be able to rely on him for support in the future.
I picked up the mail today since i forgot yesterday...lo and behold the papers were there. Not a shock really but the stuff in it was. He dropped my child support to the most measly amount he could. He wants to to waive service(yeah right) oh and shared custody all while this man has yet again flaked on his weekend..very delusional. I will be meeting with the lawyer to retain her services this week and plan on fighting for the kids and their wellbeing. I would tell him to go to h3ll but i know he is already there...as much as i want to hate this monster i cannot..ughh
Sorry to hear that tfish and I'm glad you already have a L in mind. Mine has been helpful throughout and it has been money well spent for me. Try to treat this part as a business transaction and be reasonable whilst standing up for you and your kids in the process.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
