The wedding is over thank god. I've been good with no contact. Talked to him a little today in the phone about the boys. For the first time I didn't bring up R talk or OW. I plan on keeping it up!! Someday he'll realize he made a mistake or maybe not.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
So he texted me and asked if he could bring me a check and pick up his sweatshirt. Mind you, the others times he would stop by things would lead into kissing , etc. So I think he may have been testing me to see what I would do. I kept my distance, we had a nice convo about nothing important. When he left I gave him a quick peck on the lips! I was so mad at myself! Of course I'm sure he didn't mind but he said " was that appropriate". I said no, sorry and maybe you shouldn't stop over for awhile. He's with OW still. I have to stay strong and see if this rebound relationship runs its course or I finally move on but deep down I still feel like he's confused or maybe not, maybe just wants to keep me strung along. Anyway, that was yesterday- back to no texting or calling today! Any advice? Jokes? Rants, etc...
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Hi Tam, I think that sounds fine - and yes I think he probably is trying to string you along. He has been cake-eating thus far and you have let him. I'm pleased to see you with more healthy boundaries and It's always best not to offer the reassurance of - yes I'm here waiting. I wonder whether with his 'is that appropriate' he was seeking a response from you that might give him that reassurance? It's best to truly and solidly be moving forward with your own life and plans - for you! There is nothing to lose if you do that. He may or may not turn back, you know?
It sounds like you did well in the main part, and maybe next time proffer a cheek if he seems to be moving in for a kiss, or if a hug - hug him like you would your grandpa. And yes, now you have suggested he may not want to drop by for a while, go completely dark and plan some nice GAL for yourself.
You're doing really well & take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I was wondering what I should do in this sitch. I've been doing NC, going dark. My x texted me that one of our dogs we used to share is getting spayed tomorrow. I just replied "give her a good luck kiss from me". My question is to I leave it at that or do I say "I'm trying to move on like you have so please don't text or call"??
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Hi Tam, I think you did just the right thing - breezy, pleasant, minimal. Contact like that from him is a baby step. No need to send him a 'no contact' message. The main thing to work on is receiving, responding, letting it go and moving forward.
If you are in any doubt, re-read the last resort technique as this is what you need to apply. And if you feel the urge to initiate anything - post here first!
You're doing well xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you! I am doing better day by day! Taking my power and dignity back.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Good for you and just to clarify what I understand to be the difference between the different contacts - dim, dark and NC.
NC - is where you have applied a boundary - Please stop contacting me, and then you don't respond when he does.
Dark - is where there is no boundary, and you just don't respond when he contacts you.
Dim - is where you generally don't initiate contact and respond minimally/sometimes when he gets in touch.
I think dim is the most commonly seen on the forum. Though posters like Dawn have gone dark (after D) to emails from her XH saying I miss you etc when he is living with OW. Dim sounds okay to me for you though....
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Dim is a hard place to be but it's probably the best option...
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
I'm right there with you! Here's to hoping we have some luck on our side!
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
