My xh told his mother that I was like his father. I don't know where he got that idea because I've not been married 5 times and had affairs in between the marriages nor did I abandon the family. I don't drink, gamble nor steal from the company I worked for.
So, the only thing that I can think of is that I told him he had to work a job and not lay around thinking he was King Tut. That he had to pull his weight in the marriage and work. Unfortunately, h is doing much of what his father did and he can't see it and he hated for anyone to say that he was just like his father.
As you can see, my xh's view of the people in his life was very off kilter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Cali, 2Times2Many, Sotto, Babe, Mleigh and Job for the posts. Cali - I know, I know-I wish my mouth came with an auto zip feature.
Really, I heard some outlandish stuff yesterday. Lots and lots of illogical thinking/rationalizations. At the top of the nutty conversation list was him saying that his parents weren't "really married" when his father was cheating with ow?!? I zipped it on that one. His father probably justified it that way. But I am sure that would be news to his mom who was wearing the wedding ring and home raising their two kids under 20 months of age. And, there was a time my h knew very well that this was slimy, selfish behavior.
I did shake it off. Spent the afternoon with S12 and then went for a sunset hike by myself.
He's been pretty cranky today in that irritable way pre- BD. Good times over here!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I remember a couple of years before my ex's affair, he told me about a client whose husband had a MLC and dumped his wife for an OW. Now a few years later the husband was remorseful and begging to be taken back, but the LBW felt that there was too much water under the bridge and she could never trust him again. At the time my ex felt it was so sad that this guy had messed up his marriage.....yet that didn't stop my ex from making the same mistake a couple of years later.
Something about MLC just turns their thinking upside down.
He's been pretty cranky today in that irritable way pre- BD. [/quote]
Job; read and learn that the MLCer cycling before they really get out of the tunnel. Is that true when the fog eventually lifted, the behaviors of crisis stages can all mix together, we will still see angry, denial, withdrawal, outlandish actions and most of all - depression ?
He's been pretty cranky today in that irritable way pre- BD. Good times over here!!
It must be in the air, w has been the same way the last few days. I can't believe how much of what you describe of your h is exactly the same for my w. Since you are ahead of me in this mlc with live in spouse madness your threads have been extremely helpful. Especially on those days I want to throw in the towel. Thank you!
In addition to your h, I can't believe how much of what others have posted above that I've heard. Straight from the mlc script.
HaWho, Your h could be thinking about the upcoming family visit and is trying to rationalize the sleeping arrangements and his behavior. Keep in mind, this visit is a real stressor for him and he doesn't know how to figure out what he needs to do about it. It's not your problem, so let him spin for a while.
Also, we have another "family" holiday coming up..Easter! That also may be affecting his mood.
Hang in there! He may be all over the map until the family visit is over and done with. Chalk it up and anything he says or does, take it w/a grain of salt.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Maybe that is the case Job. All I can say is pre MLC h had a moral compass that pointed true north. Now, that same compass is like a windsock. It's par for the MLC course, as we all know.
So here is something kind of cute. My little teenager snuck out late Friday!!! Here is how he got busted.
I fell asleep around 11PM. At 11:45 the dog was growling at something outside the front door. Dog persisted and I heard, what I thought was h opening the door, to see what was going on. But 2 minutes later S12, ever vigilant and watchful comes to me and whispers: "mom! Dad went out!" (Love how he rats him out!!!)
Then within minutes S10 came in sick with a stomach ache. So I was up and down the stairs a bit after that. H did not emerge from the dorm room. (S12 had gone to his room and h scolded him teenage style- "WHAT?!?").
In the AM S12 says to h: "you went out last night!" H: (defensively) "for 10 minutes. Did I wake you? (Looks at me.). Me: "yes, but S10 got sick anyway."
So, fast forward to last night S12 was terribly sick (still is). At 11PM I go to leave to the store to pick up some items for S. As I am leaving h calls my name in a questioning fashion. I tell him I need to run to the store. He asks if he should go. I say no thanks (honestly I just need the items fast and who knows what he'll come back with). But before I leave I do say: "will you be here or are you going out?" H: "are you kidding?" Me: "no. S is sick and someone needs to be here." In a gruff voice he says he will be home. He knows I am calling him out on his sneak out.
Today he is walking around indignant.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
OMG! That is too funny. The more they try to sneak stuff, the more they get busted! I love it that your son caught him! It's too bad that he could get back in w/o banging on the door! LOL!
I do hope your son feels better soon. Maybe he can pass the bug on to your h! LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
HaWho, I.m sorry… I’ve been reading your thread like a fiction story… This is just so unreal…Your H’ actions… It is like he is an adult, thinking about the kids, and… he is not an adult… So bizarre… I think I’m grateful that I don’t have witness this with my H… I’m sure there are a lot of stories to tell…
I’m, cheering for you, HaWho! Hang in there!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
