Sounds like your h is still playing the "frat" kid. I do hope that you and your son are feeling much better now. Try not to allow those crazy thoughts/questions to float around in your head. You are giving him entirely too much free rent in your brain! Just imagine this...he's got so much stuff in his head that it's all twisted up inside of there are no exits for the stuff to go away. His brain is working on over drive while yours is only got questions floating around in there. You do not ever want to have your brain filled w/the type of things he's got going on in there. Whenever those thoughts/questions come to mind, snap a rubber band on your wrist. There is no rhyme or reason for what he says or does at the moment.
He's got to work through each and every aspect of his outer self improvement stuff before he'll come to realize that you can't stop aging. It's all part of the process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job! We've all missed you. Hope you are okay and that you just needed a break from this crazy MLC bubble.
Ok - thanks for the advice. Got the memo - there is no understanding crazy.
Nice to hear from you!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Yeah, mine is now a cooking expert apparently -- when he lived with me during his MLC he also was a big fan of putting dishes beside the sink, often on the counter ABOVE the dishwasher. Then he would complain that there were dirty dishes everywhere and the counters weren't clear. HW 2x is right, you have an amazing amount of patience. God love ya girlfriend. I cannot even fathom the Christmas tree reasoning...
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Bttrfly - thanks for popping in. Regarding the Christmas tree, probably he is communicating with the mother ship.
Oh and it just gets nuttier. On the way home from S10's game I am checking my email. I look up and jump up when I see that h is sharing the left lane with this black pickup truck and the pickup truck is literally within 1 foot of me. H is half in the breakdown lane and the two of them seem to be battling for the lane. I freak and tell h to let the guy go. H does and then the fun really starts.
The guy in the pickup truck gets in front of us and starts to start and stop almost like he wants us to hit him. And the guy is a good driver. He bobs and weaves all over the place. I tell h to get in the right lane; he does. The pickup truck guy slows down and starts to swerve into and out of our lane again. I tell h to pull over completely and I grab my phone to call 911. We pull over and pickup truck guy blocks the road in front of us. We are in front of an exit and maybe he is thinking we will exit and he will prevent us?
Maybe pickup truck guy sees my phone up (as I am going to take a pic of his plate) because he pulls off the exit. He was a white haired man and I think these are probably two men in MLC who are willing to kill themselves to prove who has more chutzpah.
A few minutes later when it is all over I tell h I would have appreciated it if he had driven defensively as I was the one closest to this nut job. H says he was. I said: "I didn't see how it all started." Honestly, in MLC he is a space cadet driver and who knows what he did to this guy. At times he has driven like a racecar driver. By the time I was aware of the situation S and I were sandwiched between two lunatics. When I looked up from my phone h was not giving way to this nut job. And if he were driving defensively he would have backed down.
Then I say: the guy wanted us to hit him. And I say it is best to steer clear from these types. H starts yelling! He tells me I don't know what I am taking about and I should just stay out of it?!? (Umm - well, I was the one who was almost smushed so how exactly do I stay out of that?!?)
Then I ask (shout out to Mleigh): why are you yelling hysterically while I am just talking? He yells back that he is not yelling at me.
S10 asks us to stop fighting and says he doesn't like it. We never fight in front of them and S10 is a particularly sensitive boy. I turn around and stroke him and say it is okay.
Then h says the solution is that I should drive myself from now on. I calmly say: that's really mature. He says it again and I again re-affirm: that's a mature solution. He says confrontation is a good thing. This is all too stupid. Great. You confront each other and we all die in a car crash.
We get home and I go upstairs and just start to cry. I was really scared. I was afraid these two were going to kill me and s. Both kids come up and check up on me. I tell them it is okay but I got really scared. They are super sweet.
I shake myself off and go to drop off my vacuum that is broken. The repairman asks my name and without missing a beat, I give my maiden name and it feels great!!! I have not used that name in 16 years.
I come home and h is in the living room and syrupy sweet. He jokes and is engaging. I am pleasant and cordial. But, I think to myself: you are so nuts that you would have sacrificed me out on that highway to assert your manliness to a perfect stranger. Real men protect people, especially their families. Losers act the way he did.
I am so mad. If he wants to drive like that, he should do it all on his own.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Yuk. Reminds me of a time when my Ex was having his crisis, we were driving with the kids to a ski vacation. H's best friend was also driving up with his family in a separate van. H was speeding and driving so aggressively that even his friend (a fast driver himself) commented on H's driving.
The simmering rage of the depressed MLCer. I bet my ex doesn't remember any of that.
I am so sorry you went through that and grateful you were not hurt. Road rage is no joke and definitely something to avoid. I have always thought of it like people get in their car and all of a sudden other vehicles are just metal, not people, children or families. I have seen the nicest people turn angry when driving. Remember the goofy video in driver's ed? He would go from goofy to an angry racecar driver when he got behind the wheel.
I applaud you for letting H know that upset you, it was not cool, especially with you and your son in the car.
My H is an aggressive driver. He could be the biggest jerk and it got worse near his MLC. He would tailgate and speed up when cars were merging in front of him. We had many a fun fight, especially when our child was in the truck. I would ask him, why can't you just be nice and courteous? The same old lady you are tailgating right now, you would hold the door open for? He just didn't get it. It got to be where I would offer to drive, to avoid the drama.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Im also grateful you weren't hurt, and am also sorry you had to go thru that. I don't know how you were able to stay cordial after. My Italian temper would have gotten the best of me! How do you feel today?? When I read that you were crying I wished I was there to give you a hug. {{{ hugs }}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
My word! MLC and road rage do not mix. I'm glad everyone is okay and I'm glad you told him just how you felt. They do tend to get a bit challenging w/other drivers at times and it will scare the heck out of you. They aren't thinking like adults by as 16 yr olds challenging the other drivers, not thinking about the consequences of their actions.
As for yelling, they don't even realize that they are doing so. You can be talking to them in a very calm voice and out comes the ball field talk from them because they are so emotional over what just happened.
I do hope today is a far better day for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow HW. I'm so glad nothing serious happened on the road and that you and S are okay.
Based on the comments, that road rage, angry, aggressive driving stuff is apparently common with MLCers. What a disturbing thought ... two MLCers battling on the roadway. Scary.
My H started that angry driving stuff a while before BD and still does it. He weaves in and out of traffic, complains about having to sit at stop lights, drives like a bully, curses other drivers (which of course they don't hear, but I sure do.) When he was here with the assistant, we were all coming back from dinner and he was cursing over just about every driver on the road. I commented in a joking way that he sure seemed to be running into a lot of bad drivers and that I thought they came out while he was here just to p... him off. Assistant cracked up laughing and H settled down.
I'm glad you asked H why he was yelling at you. I agree that Mleigh4 was right ... just ask the question.
Hope your Sunday goes well.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the kind words. In MLC has has often been a moronically aggressive driver. The difference with yesterday is he met his match. Usually people just get out of his way because they are sane and recognize that his not! I have always told him you don't know who you are messing with and that sure rang true yesterday. Lunatic # 1 met Lunatic # 2.
So last night after I went upstairs (about 9:30) I heard h getting ready to go out. Ugh. Back to the sneakout. Love how he waits 'til I go upstairs. S12 was in the living room and I heard h said "bye I am going out."
In the morning as I am making breakfast h goes over to the boys-very affectionate, nice, etc.
I ask: "did you have fun last night?" He startles a bit and I think he has no idea that I know he went out. He shrugs and says it was ok. I say "oh that's good."
I have to vent. Today I want to throw him out and change the locks. I really do. Between the pots, the wreckless driving incident and the sneaking out I just want him out.
I know this is MLC. But I cannot believe I am one of those women who has such a bozo as my h. I cannot believe this is my h. He is such an utterly unattractive person.
He leaves in a few days for that trip he planned. Where this sort of thing used to have me spin, I cannot wait for him to leave. I know I should have more compassion but this is all so exhaustingly stupid. Just when I think he can't do anything more immature he pulls a rabbit out of that MLC hat.
Oh man, may I have the strength to make it until he leaves. I feel like I am going to blow at him. When he leaves for the trip I imagine myself taking his stupid dorm room and dumping everything on the front lawn and writing a sign "FREE! Take what you want!!"
The thing is I was sensing that he had woken up enough to realize the silliness of what he was doing and so realized that it was not working. Replay is awful!!!
What a bozo.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
