Sotto- you have truly been intentional in your heart. By standing and loving you gave yourself the gift of integrity and you modeled abiding love for your H in the face of some dark times. These are signs of strength and wisdom. Moving forward you are choosing to value yourself in a beautiful selfless way. You aren't stepping aside but standing for something bigger at a time that is right for you.
{{{hugs}}}
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Sotto, I am going to recommend something that I discovered on one of my trips to your country many years ago and it's called "Fisherman's Friend". They are excellent for a sore throat, but you'll need to get use to the taste of them. I recommended them over any other throat lozenge out there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks so much for your good wishes. I do feel better now. I'm WFH today, but then have a busy couple of days, so will pace myself. Gwen, thank you so much for your kind words - I was very touched by them. If I have gained some more strength and wisdom from this experience, these are gifts indeed. I guess at this stage, I don't feel as though I'm moving on as such - but I expect to be D'd very soon, and I hope to keep moving solidly forward - just in a new phase now,
Yesterday was Mothers Day here. I don't really have any expectations on Mother's Day as a step mum...and I may not have heard from SS last year. This year, he texted me a lovely message saying he loves me lots and he couldn't have asked for a better step mum, which made me cry a little. I had a nice gentle day - bought my Mum some flowers and cooked her lunch. Had some nice hugs and kisses. Also had a nice day out with friends on Saturday, plus a night out with my D group chums and lots of laughing.
This morning, I'm ridiculously excited as my new washing machine is arriving. For a year + now, I have been doing laundry at my parents and last week I decided - it is time. So, I'm going to run a load of laundry later (well, assuming I manage to get the machine connected... ) - simple pleasures....
Have a great day my lovely DB chums. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm glad you are feeling better and I'm sure getting a text from your step son made you smile. Sotto, he's very happy to have you in his life. I'm glad you spent time with your mother and had a very quite day.
Your weekend was a busy one and I do hope you got some much needed rest. BTW, congratulations on the new washer! You will definitely enjoy doing laundry now! They aren't difficult to hook up.
Have a great day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy belated Mum's day Sotto. So proud of your SS for sending you that text and letting you know how he feels about you. It's really hard for boys that age to do that sometimes. He is a good boy and lucky to have you in his life.
Glad you were able to spend time with your mom also, sounds like a lovely day.
Guess what I did Saturday? I bought a washer dryer combo ... this washing machine has overflowed three times already ... once with just a sheet set and a pair of pillowcases ... time to do something to make our lives easier, don't you think? mine comes on Saturday. I will think of you !!!! xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thanks Job and Bttrfly- yes, he's a good lad and I'm pleased we are able to keep in touch the way we do. And credit to his Mum too, for being so supportive of it.
I'm doing okay. I heard from the L this week with the draft financial agreement. It all looks okay and I replied to her on that basis. Once this agreement is signed, H plans to finalise the D. I will receive a welcome chunk of money at that point, and remaining funds when our house sells. I won't be able to buy a place myself just yet, but cash flow will be healthy again.
I've been feeling pretty even about things. TBH, I have lost the 'love' feelings for H. Although I understand MLC and have read widely around it, it just seems hard to retain those warm feelings in the face of absolute 'goneness.' The most I feel able to do is entertain the possibility that things could change at some point, and that I may want to consider possible R if that happened. But that feels light years away and I've quite accepted that our R is over and I shall move on. Though I still don't plan to date for a good while.
I've been pretty busy at work and done some social stuff. Went to a cocktail masterclass last night, which was fun. I went pretty easy on the drinks and glad I did as I still have a headache today. Been at the bookstore and have to pop back there later. I'm out with girlfriends tomorrow night, parade on Sunday with divorce group friends and a happiness workshop Monday.
This week, the divorce workshop organisers asked if I would be willing to train as a facilitator, which I would like to do. But I've told them not just yet. I'd like our D to be finalised and some time passed before I feel confident in my own emotions to be in that role. Nice to be asked though and that will probably be an Autumn thing.
Some friends having a challenging time just now, due to bereavements, health and work troubles. Mine no longer seems to be the life in crisis and I am glad to help others now. As for H, no contact since his birthday, when I wished him a happy day - and he never responded....charming! I just shrug now
Anyway, thanks for reading and hope everyone has a fabulous Friday xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto, You sound very grounded and I like the fact that you are going to take the time to heal before you consider dating again.
Your social calendar is a busy one...but be sure to carve out some "me" time to rest and recharge your batteries. I do think it's a wonderful idea that you become a facilitator when you are ready. You will do well in that area.
I'm sorry to read that some of your friends are having challenging times right now. I do hope that things will get better for them. As for your h, you sent him birthday wishes and you did it from the heart. Now it's up to him to chew on that kind gesture for a while. He may not respond to you at the moment, but trust me, he will say something about it later on. I'm glad you didn't allow his silence get to you.
I hope you have a great weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thanks so much for your post - and for your supportive presence on the forum - I so appreciate it
Just a little update. I had a busy weekend, but was a little up and down. Saturday I went for a night out with 3 girlfriends. There was much eying up of guys and TBH I didn't enjoy the evening all that much. It put me out of sorts for the next day or so. I guess I'm still a little raw about that kind of thing and it's not how I want to be spending my time just now. Still nice to be friends with them, but I'll probably stick to accepting the gentler invites for now.
So, I've been feeling a little raw as 'the end' is approaching now. I'm okay, but I've been feeling some stronger emotions and punching a few cushions lately.
I found an important document of H's in amongst mine and posted it to him. Got a brief thank you email back. It is funny - a while back I stopped using our 'pet' names for each other in emails etc. It just didn't feel right. H briefly stopped using them too - but reverted back and always uses 'his' name for me and 'my' name for him. I find it a little odd really and TBH it grates a little given all circumstances.
I received the draft financial agreement and approved it. We're awaiting a hard copy and I expect to call in to sign that any day. Once it is signed, H plans to finalise the D.
Otherwise, life carries on and I've been enjoying the early spring sunshine, new friendships and other activities.
Take care all & thanks for reading xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto. Sorry to hear your up and down but it's to be expected with the threat of the D any time. I think you handle the sitch better than most and your grace and poise really come across in your posts. Your H is a berk and no matter how deep he is in his fog , some part of him knows what he's losing and maybe that's the reason for pet names Anyway that's way too much time given to his thinking
Stay strong and choose those social outings to suit you , plenty of time for eye candy !!!!!
) - simple pleasures....