As the wheel turns(in his rotisserie oven)H actually showed up for S17's university dinner. He has gone deeper into his hidey-hole. No calls. No messages. I must have caused all the thunderstorms lately and pissed him off. Dang I am just so evil. As for me..I need to work on my poker face. My H always tells me why do you always look mad when you see me? I would love to say because you are douche but I guess that would put me further away from my goal lol. I need to work on my neutral and cheerful disposition.Having a resting b!tch face while trying to work on me and my M is not good. I plan on going to a ptsd support group soon. I need to get as much info as possible and set my S's up with a counselor
I'm glad your h turned up at your S17's university dinner. As for him going deeper into the hole, you didn't cause it. They tend to pop out and emotions remind them of what they had and then the scurry right back into the role. You aren't evil and if he's saying that you look mad, that sounds to me like projection and guilt on his part.
Keep the focus on you and your children. Leave him in the rabbit hole.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
well I failed...My H asked to come see the boys I said ok. The boys have been acting up so I thought it would be nice. He then proceeded to tell me I will be emailed the divorce decree this week? WHAT?? never received anything before this I told him I would not sign...spew spew spew I validated the best I could. He said why can't you let me go. I said I love you and owe it to my boys to fight for us. After discussing some things..he agreed to therapy at the VA. I have no clue if it will help us but if it helps him then I can live with it. I told him that on our 20th session I will sign the papers...How bad did I screw this up?
Me too. I think there is a fine line between patience and action. No sense spending years on the sidelines if H is willing to try to face this situation. Good luck,
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
I'm glad that he's agreed to therapy...but don't be surprised if he comes back after the 20th session and reminds you that you need to sign the papers. (I hope that I'm wrong about that.)
I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and hope that the therapy will help him. I hope that he wakes up enough to realize that he needs to be at home w/you and the boys.
For now, listen, validate and just be a friend to him. If he wants to talk about his therapy sessions, then listen, but don't offer advice.
Continue to keep the focus on you and your sons. Allow the man upstairs to do his work on your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am quite certain he is going to bring it up every session but for now I will take it..I know he is done..his family is funding his happy life yay Same spew we are not compatible..i forgive you but...blah blah blah. He always said I will not be like my bros and depend on mom and boom there he is. The therapy is more of a make sure he treats my boys right while with him. He told me he is just going so that I will sign and yes that is sad but these are ptsd trained therapists and might be able to get him the help he denies he needs. After that I can say I gave it a 100%. My heart breaks but I cannot force him to feel when he is numb.
Do NOT sign any divorce papers without thorough legal representation. If he wrote them up I'm pretty sure the terms are not favorable to you or your kids.
I agree w/kml...DO NOT sign and/or agree to anything w/o a lawyer reviewing the papers, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Same spew we are not compatible..i forgive you but...blah blah blah. He always said I will not be like my bros and depend on mom and boom there he is. The therapy is more of a make sure he treats my boys right while with him. He told me he is just going so that I will sign and yes that is sad but these are ptsd trained therapists and might be able to get him the help he denies he needs. After that I can say I gave it a 100%. My heart breaks but I cannot force him to feel when he is numb.