WOOOOAAAAAAWWWWW.... What got into you today? I want the same what you ate for dinner or breakfast.
It was so great to hear it all ^^^^^^ ... made me smile, really happy. What a way to cheer me up.
You are totally right, thinking about things with this perspective is actually very possible, he even call himself an idiot these days.
The key for success is be confident, no masks, spontaneous, happy, have fun, laugh, be flirty, mysterious, lovely, caring, distant... shoooo... what a work, maybe some glimmer to shy the night out, LOL !
Going back in time, that is exactly why he fell in love with me the first time around. I was all that!!!
Thanks NYGal, you are awesome. And by the way, my horses are going very slow... Piecing??? I think we are not there just yet. Better not have my hopes too high, but it is also good to go for as you say. What I have to lose anyway?
Pink, You aren't piecing yet...but if things go well, it could be in the next few months. For now, be the woman I know you can be and take it one day at a time w/no expectations and stay positive. Your relationship w/your h began as an acquaintance then friendship and so on. This is where you need to go back to is the beginning and work up from there. Both of you are not the same, therefore the relationship can't be the old one.
You've got this. Keep the faith and be sure to stay positive!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
hi Pink. I am not sure I have posted on your thread yet, but I have been following along.
NyGal and job both gave some great advice. You know what is right for you and your xh. I had to stop phoning my sisters as they were both telling me to kick is a$$ out, and they knew that was not what I wanted.
You've put in some hard work the last few years so I sincerely hope you and xh can reap the benefits. Hang in there a little bit longer, my friend.
Me 47 H 49 S18 S15 M 21 BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16 Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16 BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16 Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June H leaves 5/7/16
FOR ALL MY LOVELY WOMEN... HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY !!!!
THE EMPOWERED WOMAN
The Empowered Woman, she moves through the world with a sense of confidence and grace. Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdow. Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation and the life she leads is of her own creation.
She now understands what it means to live and let live. How much to ask for herself and how much to give She has a strong, yet generous heart and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart. Like the mythical Phoenix, she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence, unfettered by the things that once posed such resistance.
Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly. She hears the wind rustling through the trees; beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly. She feels the softness of her hands and muses at the strength that they possess. Her needs and desires she has learned to express. She has tasted the bitter and savored the sweet fruits of life, overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.
And the one thing she never understood, she now knows to be true, it all begins and ends with you By Sonny Carroll
Aren't we just beautiful??? Love to be a girl...a woman...a mother...sister...grandma...aunt...love being loved and being this box full of surprises... love my strength and my weakness... I love my confusion, my laugh in the morning because silly stuff... Love to be a wife... the confident... love to be girlfriend... the nurse for all the world... love... Oh Mine... I just love to wear a skirt... I just love to be a lover...
You have gotten some great advice. I say, just keep being you and traveling your path. Something tells me your answers are coming soon, I say let them unfold. Let your H give you those answers, his way, on his time.
In the meantime, keep doing your thing! I believe in occasional invites, it has worked well with my H, so certainly do the coffee. No matter what happens, you share children and will forever be in each other's lives, so important to keep that friendship.
And thank you for the long posts. It helps us all to read the emotions and know not only what your H says, but what is in your head. We are walking with you Pink!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Pink, When I read what your h is saying, it sounds to me like a man who has hit bottom and is finally not only smelling the coffee, but also taking a shower in it.
I understand fully your reactions. How could you feel anything else, after all you have been through?
I guess I would offer this: what is it that you really want Pink? Do you want to try to build something new with this man? He seems to have changed a lot. He seems to really be trying, but only you know for sure, as you know him well. I would also offer this: do not let fear stifle your gut instinct. Deep within you is the answer. Fear can ofter stop us from accessing that answer. Overall I am awed by your grace and courage. Keep facing your fears, Pink. We are all here with you. God didn't bring you here to drop you now. xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
First, thank you for all your kind words and advice. I am empowered by your support. I feel cared for, every time you write that you are cheering for me and my family, I feel I can suppress my fears and battle another day. I am learning the real meaning from the God I believe. Live with one another, love one another and find happiness in one another. He was so right when he said this.
Job - I will take it slow, I did not walk the unpaved road just for fun. I have been learning the value of every minute in my life. The choices at each step I take and the importance of being patient. It's a grace that is given to us, we just need to accept that moving slow is not wasting, it is building.
Melweb - you are right to cut the "R" talk with some people. They care for us, they picked us up too many times, they saw our tears and felt our pain. So it is just natural that they want us far from the fire. For them, we came out from the flames with some wounds and they don't want us to go right back in and maybe this time have the wounds we can't repair.
It is my time to shut, reinvent friendship.
Mleigh4 - thanks for walking with me. It has been a long journey, but I already feel good for not letting go on something that defines me... the value of my family.
Things are always happening between my XH and me. After so long time he still brings the R talks. It's inevitable with him. He has this need to tell me things about his feelings. The one statement that is standing up right now is "I always loved you with all my heart. The one thing that did hurt me the most is that you did not allowed me to love you."
I think that our sitches have all the same base, we are the LBSs, but the core problems vary and in my case he genuinely thinks and feel that I pushed him away, and if I am very sincere, I know I did. I actually realized that I was having an EA without even knowing and at that time I really pushed my XH away. I was tired of his behavior and I did let it go.
Now, he needs to repair all what he did to our family. But, I can't be oblivious to my own faults. So we need to do the dance around each other. He needs to built trust with me once again and I need to make him feel he can love me, that I accept his love.
It's not very easy, but if our love was strong to keep us together for 18 years, then maybe we can be blessed to care for each other again.
Bttrfly - XH has been changing, not there yet were he can really give himself. But, I actually understand it is a big, huge challenge for him. The poor thing had a terrible childhood. He was abandoned by his mother when he was three, then his father died when he was eight, then his stepmother got rid of his older brother when he was 11, then his second brother when he was 13, then him right after. Joined his biological mother and step father, a military man that used to drink a lot and spanked him too many times. XH put himself through college. Built his path the way he could.
From all that this man still chose to be a good person, a decent human being. For many years I cared for him, gave him what no one else gave his entire life. Then, our kids became teenagers and I believe he was not prepare to face the challenges of their age. I do not have bad kids, but the hormones were and are all over the place and you can just love it, or you will hate it.
XH got overwhelmed with life and it's problems, start getting more and more selfish. I got tired of his selfishness and the bomb exploded.
He says a lot to me these days that he needed to lose everything to find out what he had. So yeah, he seems like a man that hit bottom. But he grabbed God's hand at some point. I kept repeating that I always had only one to lean on, and that was my faith, my God. By example, I showed him he could trust in his God. I said many times to him, that God's hand was right there, waiting to be grabbed, that he could just stretch a little and grab the tips of his finger and the mud would be the marks of his learning.
It's happening to him. I do not know if we will be ever together. I want to. I wish for it. I pray for it to happen. I came to my senses and found I have an unconditional love for this person. I can forgive him. He is part of my soul and part of my skin. I care deeply for him. I decided to fight for it because I made a clear choice to love him.
Inside my heart I know it is still possible. I also know that the dance must be slow and one step at a time. I know I can't open a lot, but I need to let him feel I care for him. I know there will be games involved. Not dirt stuff, just pure nature games to get the pieces together.
The coffee is a good idea. If it is casual it is even better. I will need to deal with my fears in the meantime. But one thing keeps me giving hope... he is not running in the opposite direction, he expose himself to me. XH does not need to put himself in this kind of situation. He can easily just ignore me, do not talk to me, or even come around. Our kids are teenagers, then we do not need to have all this convo we normally have.
He is allowing me to be in his life and his space. There should be a reason.
What is really fun is that the more he comes around, the more I feel empowered to be better. The more he says he loves me, the more I feel the energy to be beautiful for him. The more he says I did not let him to love me, the more I show my affection and look him in his eyes, just the way it was at the beginning.
His DB is working wonders on me. I am falling in love with him all over again. I just hope it is the same for him and he is realizing he can love me again.
And that is the definition of the DB, you need to dance. If it does not work, then you will be good with yourself that you did what you did because of love and it can never go wrong if that was the purpose.
I am already so happy I am back into my own skin. I feel like I rescued someone that was long being missed. I feel good with myself.
Love you all and I am very thankful you are part of my life... part of my journey.
Glad you like the poem, I loved it. I love writing and I write poems myself. You probably figured by now, by the length of my posts.
Wonderful post Anjo , really beautiful to read and you have realised what all of us could see , the love you have for XH !!!
I like to think I'm you biggest supporter and I've so wanted to call you and to say be patient and let XH live his life. I wouldn't call because I've already fallen for you and I always believed that XH will try to come home and then my heart would be broken !!!!!!!
You description of what happened to XH is spot on in my opinion , he struggled and got lost. He is coming out of MLC slowly and Pink needs to relax and let this happen. You've found yourself and again , a lot of us on here could always see the person you where , passionate , daring , caring , loving and the list goes on
Life is tough with kids , hormones and all that go with them is really taxing but your a great parent and you cope , then you deal with all the issues
It's wonderful to read your post , you seem confidant and happy !!!!!
Take your time Anjo , there is still a way to go but you will get there , and " there " will be what your heart really wants
Hi Pink, I agree that was a lovely post and I would encourage you to enjoy being in your own skin - and if H continues to peek in the door and you want to engage with him - go for it. However, go light and gentle - both on yourself and on him. Protect your own heart, and try not to expect much from him either just now. Take what you get, enjoy it and keep moving forward I say. No need to make any big decisions about XH just now - but to gently build a new friendship with him might be nice if that is what you both want.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
