Take a breath. We have very bad days, but tomorrow is a new one. Ask yourself if you are the entire blame for your sitch? My guess is no. Not by a long shot. So that must stir some anger in you. Use that angry energy to get working hard on GAL stuff. I'm not saying take the anger out on W, just use it to your betterment advantage. Make sense?
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Something scary happened today. The hanging lamp in the living room fell and pieces of glass scattered around. No one got hurt but someone was under it could have been fatal. I was putting the girls the girls to bed. I ran downstairs. W was there. She was shocked but fine. I started clearing it up. She took a photo and started texting people. one mom another I suspect OM. While I was clearing up, she said if I had planned this, there were other ways to do it. And that I should watch ch House of Cards less often. I said I felt very surprise that she could even think such a thing. She didn't help clearing up at all but phoned her mom. Then said tome that I should leave and let go. I turned on House of Cards. I showed anger at instead of sadness to avoid depression. I am just shocked. Just 2 weeks ago a friend lost her 3 year old while sleeping in a tent together with them. A tree fell on the boy and know killed him. I am scared, worried and frustrated.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
Counselling continues on and feedback has been 3 areas; 1. W to allow me to be a parent 2. Work as a team towards the kids 3. Keep conversations adult to adult based on transactional analysis
I suppose for me it is in one way not being Mr. Nice Guy anymore again. But I highlighted how many times I am belittled in front of counsellour and how she wast sure about the relationship. Only a good friend in the house and a past she has distorted. She claims no connection ever.
Again tough times for me. For us.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
That's one of the benefits of counselling. And counsellors spot games.
You can challenge and it's ok.
I can understand W why you say that and I am listening. Please realise that when you 3xpress x in that way I feel put down. It is easier for me to hear you if you express things in a y way and I feel more respected.
Just my 2c
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
WillDo, about the only thing you have really told us about is your depression and her affair. If she will not agree to end the affair and work on the M, then what are your options? 1) Separate, 2)Keep things as they are now. You have been here since 2014, which is fine, however, you seem to be asking the same questions and not getting very far along.
From an outsider's point of view, it appears that your depression pretty much rules you life, and perhaps your W feels it ruled the MR, as well. If a person feels that they are constantly the underdog, then they either act accordingly or rebel against it. How much of your depression is low self-esteem? How often do you feel that you are the underdog at work and/or other places?
At this point, MPO is that you do what is necessary to get well. That needs to be your priority. If that means you have to move away from her, so be it. It may take a break between the two of you in order to be able to become better. Staying together in this environment is not helping you. She might be using the affair as her escape hatch from the reality at home..... but, I don't know. It does seem that something needs to change b/c the counseling is not solving any of the problems. Once you get away from her, you might be able to find the man you use to be, or become better. She would have her space and eventually she might be able to see you as a man she wants, instead of just seeing the depression.
As I have told you, I understand depression. I really do. I hope you will not see anything I've said as criticism. It is very sad to see anyone living the way you and your W are doing now. I hope that both of you can find happiness in the near future.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I suppose deppression and affair are the highlights of my stitch. I have to say I haven't been experiencing depression for 8 years but it has hsd an impact on my marriage. You can say I struggle to ger out of being passive and get into a conflict.
I am having an issue setting boundries and putting a stance. I want to create a better relationship. I try to be patient Isn't atguing with a WW pissing against the wind. Shouldn't I beilve little I hear as she wants to hurt me.
It is difficult. And I cry everyday.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
