Well we've met and it was interesting. We sat to eat and I mentioned that I realized by being trying to be overly fair I had messed up the calculations. I asked if she knew I would always try to be honest with her. She said yes with tears in her eyes. We quickly agreed a division which was the same as in December. After that it was mainly me telling her stories of S and work, always smiling and listening when she complained about her R with S. I didn't ask after her life and she must be aware I don't care. She was wearing a new outfit (she always loved the sales) and she went on about the clothes she had seen for me and how she had almost rung me! I laugh and changed topics. After paying for the snack we walked to her car, her linking arms and saying she owed me a dinner, me deflecting with a non committal laugh. At the car she hugged and kissed me, asking did I want her to get me anything from the sales. No thanks. I feel sad and wistful but she's back home to OM and me back to NC. I'm still in love but I know who and what she is. Nothing I can do there. Tomorrow out for a match with S and then movie and a dinner with a friend.
Scrant, it sounds like you handled things well & I admire your self control. It is interesting that I think your W does still want to retain some control here. Ie: she is living with OM, but still wants to be able to buy you clothes? It's hard for her to think of you buying your own clothes....or maybe someone else buying them for you? I know - I'm mind reading.
Also, linking arms, hugs and kisses - saying she owes you dinner. Again, I think it wanting to maintain some control and not completely 'lose' you.
But I guess it's all immaterial while she chooses to remain with OM. Best to just keep looking forward my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Did some GAL this weekend but suffering a reaction to spending a pleasant hour and a half with her for the first time in two months. Despite meditation found my thoughts going back to her constantly and feeling so frustrated that she won't come back to me. Stupid really and I know I can't do anything but it just felt so normal to have her sitting and smiling with me. It really is crazy to expect her to change when she has cheated on me twice with OM! I know I have to look forward but I feel in limbo, waiting for her R with OM to fail. I've tried to be strong but I feel like I'm not making progress, I've started speculating about the future by myself and can only see loneliness. I don't want to be her best friend but it did feel good being with her again. Sorry for venting, time to go back to NC.
Hi Scrant, I think it is always tough to spend that time with someone. It feels so intensely familiar and 'right.' The feelings will pass and I would encourage you to sit with them, accept them, meditate and know that you will feel better again - perhaps even just in a day or so. Of course nothing is 'right' about being in her company, given all circumstances and you know already that you don't want to be 'third point' on this triangle - and I would agree that is to be avoided at all costs.
People often say that NC is for you, and I agree that it is easier to find peace when your WS isn't 'in your face' on a regular basis. Sitches like mine are somewhat easier, when there is less need to have contact and kids are older or you have no kids. Just remember this too shall pass and above all, don't be driven by emotion to do something. When you feel in the grip of strong emotion, do nothing is always best.
Take care and I hope the week improves for you. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I've tried to be strong but I feel like I'm not making progress, I've started speculating about the future by myself and can only see loneliness. I don't want to be her best friend but it did feel good being with her again.
I think you handled yourself very well. What you don't know is how she was feeling during and after this meeting with you. When the LBH has a chance to show his positive side (charming, smiling, upbeat, in-charge), it can pull at the heart strings of the W. The LBH may never know about some little way he looked, smiled, said something, etc. that triggered buried emotions in her. And this is a good thing to leave her thinking of you with fond memories.........that can lead to fond desires.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for all the positive thoughts, it certainly gives me a boost.Today W has emailed twice. First she's been through the accounts and has recalculated in her favour, nothing too major but meant I had to do the same to redress the balance. Both her and my emails were cordial enough. She said It was nice to see you and see you have done so many things... and finished by reminding me she owed me dinner and saying we can meet up when I want and lots of kisses.The other email was about car insurance and S. Again she finished with in keep in touch and kisses. I replied by saying it was nice to see her too and than dealt with her questions and take care. I feel she was pleased to see me and now wants to keep me more in the picture in the friend zone. I won't do that.
w still confused over finances so I had to ring her to clear it up. I mentioned I had spent the morning fixing the dishwasher. Her reply was see I've been good for you. Now you cook and fix things, you're a different person. I've been good for you and when we can we meet up so I can buy you dinner. I just avoided with a laugh and then she asked was I busy. Yes pretty much. Oh bye. Talk about trying to convince herself that leaving me alone and heartbroken was the best for everyone! Not to mention her son.
