Eyes forward Sotto..

[bttrfly]

Good questions - found some birthday and mother's day cards yesterday. Of course, they left me sobbing quietly in my room with the door closed, praying son wouldn't hear me.

I just packed up a bunch of photos and cards into a box and put them in the closet. I will deal with it down the road. I cannot face it now. I am trying to just go with what I'm most decisive about and leave the waffly stuff till later, when more time has passed and I feel stronger. Does that make sense?

I've been dealing with these questions also. I wanted no photos to remind me, but then I thought, well, that's not really what my life has been for the past 26 years, and what about S? What kind of a message would I send if I got rid of all dad's photos? I have wondered what it would be like if I didn't share my living space with someone still tied to H. I think the answer to that for you will come in time. H and your marriage was a big part of your life for a long time Sotto, so you may find that it makes sense to honor that by keeping the things that mean the most to you. Knowing you, you will figure it out with your usual grace and in the appropriate time as you continue your journey.

What kind of a pup are you going to get? My boy is an English Springer. His grandma won Best of Breed at Crufts. His daddy was flown to the states to a lovely woman who adores him. My fur baby is a combination of good New England stock and great "Old Country" stock as well. I would have been happy with a rescue, but H wanted a puppy, purebred so he knew the lineage, and a springer. This was especially important to him as springers have epilepsy and rage issues in certain lines.

Keep me posted on the puppy watch!!!! So excited for you, if you do decide to get one. I couldn't imagine life without my sweet furry boy.

xoxoxo

[Sotto]

Thanks Bttrfly- I was thinking of a dog who is little, calm and friendly. Those are my three descriptive words and I don't really mind what kind of puppy if it fits that description. Maybe a rescue dog? Still, it's not a plan for just now as I'm still renting.

Ugh, I have a sore throat today and feel a bit under the weather. Luckily I'm not working until Friday, so I'm going to try and recharge before then as I have a few social plans over the weekend.

I heard from my L today. H agreed to my proposal, but there is an aspect of risk that I'm keen to tie up. I'll get back to my L and see if we can agree on a form of wording that covers this.

The letter from his L said he wants to get the financial order agreed as soon as possible, in order that he can apply for the decree absolute. That part makes me feel like not rushing really, but it'll be hanging over me until I respond, so I guess I'll just get it sorted. At least I don't need to watch the postbox for the absolute just now. I've been conscious of doing that for the past week or so. I had this horrible thought that maybe OW proposed on leap year day - ugh - but it doesn't pay to dwell on stuff like that at all - I know that much already.

So, a bit mixed, but good that H agreed the financials. I still won't have funds until the house sale, which is a bit of a pain - but it is what it is I guess. I'll get there.

Hope everyone is having a good day xx

[job]

Please take care of yourself. Sounds like your immune system is not up to par right now and that means pampering yourself.

A rescue pup would be a wonderful idea. I know you aren't ready to get one, but it's nice to think about what you are looking for, which I can see you've already got some good ideas as to what type. Small is a good idea, especially if you dad is going to share in taking care of the little one.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

[rd500]

Hi Sotto. Another step forward. It's tough when the reality has to be faced but it's also a step closer to the future

You've come far in a long tough journey You've kept your head held high and faced this with incredbe strength I know you don't think you have but from the outside your one of the bravest souls on this board I do appreciate you have your struggles and fears but strength is about how you face them and your a shining example of how to do this

Your a good person and even though I wish you hadnt needed to find this board for my own selfish reasons Im sort of grateful you did. Your advice and encouragement have helped me through many a tough day and thank you.

take care. Rd

[mleigh4]

Hey Sotto. Tackling those mementos is hard. For me, it seems things stay put, until one day, I look at it differently, and decide it's time to put it away. It's weird, things I pass by everyday, will suddenly stand out. It's part of the process I suppose.

Take your time and do what feels right. Even if it's just packing it away out of site for now.

Hope your day is bright

[Pink17]

Hi Sotto,

You do everything with such grace, I kinda envy you in a good sense.

Sometimes I am such an emotional mess I wish I can be bright like you. So, no matter what direction, you have been a mentor for many of us.

It's hard to move on, when I see or talk to people that are way past what we are crossing now and they are actually better then in their old marriage, it gives a little hope we will be Ok.

I guess we have to let time to help us on the healing process, what is another roller-coaster on itself. Some days are very good and we feel like we can tackle any challenge, some others are filled with memories, what ifs, just some pain.

But like Sotto says - Oh well, let's live another day and move forward with our lives.

You rock Sotto, love you lots beautiful.

XOXO
Pink

[BrightFuture]

Hi Sotto, I still keep the things from my H, the cards, some items he gave me, the clothes he bought me, and I also wear a ring that he gave me on one of our anniversaries. I don’t wear the wedding ring. Well, it is not exactly the wedding ring, he gave it to me after 4 years of marriage. He just thought that I didn’t need a ring, since it was my second marriage. He never wanted a ring himself and I respected his wish. I love this ring though, it has a pink diamond. I’m planning to get it resized and wear it on the right finger.

I don’t know why, but all the items (including the cards) do not bother me anymore. I used to cry when I opened one of these cards from H, where he was telling me that he loved me so much. I don’t open these cards anymore, I know they are there, and that someday I will be able to read them without sad feelings.

Pink’s post made me think…

You are pleasant with him, more like business like. Who knows if in his head he thinks that you were so done with him and it is something that he may try to avoid because he will be rejected in many ways.

Reading an email or text is not really enough, there are interpretations and the guessing game there. What for you may be polity, pleasant, positive, validating... can be for him that you just take care after business.

This is exactly what crosses my mind quite often. And in my case, just like Pink mentioned, neither of us gives each other a closure. I’ve been thinking about the temperature check as well, but I’m like you, not eager to put myself out there without any indication of H’s intentions. As far as I can tell, he is still dead set on his decision, even though not filing for D and giving me the mixed signals, especially lately.

I think I’m like you, gradually accepting the reality and trying move on with my life. Take care.

[Sotto]

Ah, thanks Guys xx RD, I don't think I'm that brave really. I think I'm a bit of a 'runner' and it is more comfortable for me not to see H. I think I'd be a big scaredy and fall all to bits if I did have to see him. Plus, I think I'm pretty lucky in that we don't have much contact and what we do is pretty pleasant in the main. I notice if I push a little on something, I get some tetchy kick back, so I've learned to sit back and let things unfold.

MLeigh and Bright, thanks for your comments about 'the stuff in the case.' I had a burst of activity on that and feel happy with the stuff that has gone to charity - a bit lighter. I'm sure I'll have another go at some more stuff soon.

Pink, thanks for thinking I have grace. I think I've just reached a point where I'm truly letting go. H is clearly still together with OW, and seems set on finalising the D. I've accepted that. I have my plan - no dating in 2016 - and the door remains open a tiny chink. After that I'll review. TBH, I don't really feel like 'standing' anymore. I feel I have little love for H and can't really imagine us together again. But I also accept, I'm operating in face of zero interest and encouragement from him....and if that ever changed - IDK.

Nice Guy at work is somewhere on the scene still. We are friendly and he seems a little interested still. I don't know his D circumstances. Only that he has been D 1-2 years now and his ex is dating someone who drives a fancy car. It appeals to me that he hasn't jumped into a new R yet. I know some of the ladies at work are hoping he'll get fixed up. Again, I'm working on logic on this one and accepting it's too early a stage for me just yet.

Other than that, I'm still under the weather and have drawn back from activities for a couple of days. I get fairly regular throat problems (linked to stress I think) where I completely lose my voice. It's like an infection flares up and when it does, it's pretty frustrating and there seems nothing to do but rest. I am working tomorrow though - but will try not to speak much!

Thanks for dropping by and posting my friends xx

[bttrfly]

xoxoxoxox
that's all
oh and this: {{{{{{hugs and soup}}}}}}

[Butterc]

Sotto, it sounds like you're moving on with grace. You're leaving the door cracked yet standing in your truth.

Rest, take care of your lovely self. Besides soup, Vicks is a throat soother.