Wow my man. What a journey you have been on... Congrats on finishing the last chapter and writing the next one!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I ran into WW in the street tonight and we had our longest conversation in the last six months, that is a total of 2 minutes. She crossed the street to come talk to me. She told me about sending me some emails about the D and then complained about work yet again, trying to keep it light. I interrupted her to say I had gotten her father's invite for lunch next month and then we parted way. I was on my way to the gym.
I didn't feel a thing, except perhaps a little bit of annoyance, like when you meet an acquaintance for whom you don't have time. I responded to the D emails immediately after getting home.
Enough of this WW thing. She'll be known STBX from now on. I will no longer define her by how she left me, but by her upcoming status as my ex, which is where my focus is.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Maybell brings up an interesting point. I'd love to hear Mozza's answer.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
STBX has lost her job. It was a question of time and even she knew it. She called me 20 minutes after it happened. She didn't seem flummoxed at the time, but I expect that it will sink in. It means she won't be working with OM anymore but also that she'll lose the only social network she hd since she left me.
The hairy part is that I'm her (immigration) sponsor, meaning that I'm responsible until late June for any expense the government incurs for her, namely unemployment insurance in this case. So if she claims it, I will have to repay the government for it. So not only am I paying the apartment alone since she left, but I'll have to pay for their love nest, their meals and activities. It's an amount in the thousands for which I'd have to dig into my savings. Again. The D cost me tens of thousands already. I'd be legally bound to pay it, but given that her parents are well-off, I'd hope that they'll step in. If it gets there, I'll suggest to her that it borders on outrageous that she would make me bear the consequences of her choices once again. If she were with me, sure I'd pay for everything. But she left me for OM. Maybe he could pay... (he can't). Of course, STBX is turning to me to help her figure out her situation, because I'm a citizen here and more familiar with the ins and outs of the programs. Bleh.
Also, much progress on the D front. Ironically, STBX sent the final mediation agreement to the lawyer 15 minutes before getting fired. We've made some progress since then, but the lawyer has proven incompetent again by getting some stuff wrong in the final version. She even prepared the court paper, which we didn't ask her to do (STBX email was ambiguous however). I've some stuff to review and maybe we'll be able to finish mediation this week or next, and then hire a lawyer for the D papers. I expect that the topic of money will be even touchier now.
And tonight, I did research to book a week under the sun in late April with New Girl.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I forgot: it was D8's birthday today! We've been celebrating all week-end, touring friends and family in two cities. And tonight, I hosted three of her friends. I had decorated the house yesterday with yellow and white balloons and pink ribbons. All very cool. When I asked her what she wanted to do with her friends, she said that she wanted me to play with them. Awww... So I did the limbo, DJ, dance, Simon says... The tally of the evening includes two pizzas, one cake, 20 sparklers, one burn, 5 fire alarms and one girly conference in the bathroom. Of course, D8 was really happy about it all and she told me. And New Girl was quite impressed with it all (I told her; she never met the kids) and said I was a "cool dad".
Yesterday, I spent the morning in D4's classroom for a workshop with parents -- only two of us showed up, and not even STBX who is unemployed. I like to see her evolve amongst her classmates - I learn new things about her. Then I took both of them to the doctor at lunch time, which involved bus rides, eating lasagna in the waiting room, and me not eating until the whole ordeal was over at around 3 pm... They behaved very well.
So it's been an intense few days with the kids, and I'm very proud of how it turned out so far. School is off on Friday (Easter) and we'll celebrate D8 again until STBX picks her up at 5 pm. I can't deny that I'm looking forward to some rest on Friday evening! Well, I should be seeing NG...
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Happy Birthday to D8, Mozza! Mine turned 8 as well a few days ago - and I somehow was foolish enough to let her have a pajama party. Your way sounds much better!
That certainly stings that you are on the hook for your ex's unemployment. Are you going to wait until the subject comes up or have an upfront talk with her about it - I say this with curiosity as the person who never has a frank discussion with my ex about anything.
I hope you have a lovely vacation with NG. I find having something to look forward to really helps my mindset. My ex MIL (need to come up with a better name for her) and I are going to take my girls to the big island of Hawaii this summer and I find myself doing a little happy research every night.
Really glad things are going so will with you these days - Mozza!
Did you ever think you could feel so coldly towards someone who you would have given up everything for not that long ago? I didn't.
Good question Maybel and I've been thinking much about it. My conclusion is that I don't feel so coldly about her after all. I still have very strong feelings but I bottle them up. The main one is anger at the moment. I still want her to recognize that she was wrong, very wrong and that she screwed up big time by leaving. On the other hand, I think I'll always have a weakness for her. I loved her so much, I want to believe her, but my head tells me I've been fooled twice already. So what I do is get her out of my head and life. I try not to think about her and for as little as possible when I have to. I do believe though that in the long run, I'll be mostly indifferent to her.
The other reason is New Girl: she's there with me and she deserves the mind share. I never talk about STBX with her and not even the D procedures. The main positive that I hadn't anticipated: less drama for me as well! I talk and think about fun stuff with NG instead.
Originally Posted By: Maybell
I wonder if it's time for an updated tag line for you, Mozza? You've got your fire started...
Ha! My quote is actually my message for those who read me. It's a call to fight our way out of the heartbreak. To let go and free ourselves. That's what I'm doing.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
