The other thing Scrant is your W will keep wanting to create the dynamic where you remain in the picture. She wants her 'plan B' in place. So any time you go pretty dim, she has a little prod and tries to make sure you are still 'on the hook.' I notice in many sitches, once the WAS has established - yep, still on the hook - they are reassured and go back to business as usual. However, if you aren't apparently 'on the hook' anxiety grows - as this wasn't how it was supposed to play out. You weren't supposed to get your own life, leaving her on the kerbside.
As you say - do bear in mind the length of the road and also the fact that there needs to be a pretty seismic meltdown in the WAS circumstances in order for them to 'turn toward home.' I've read phrases like 'school of hard knocks' 'flat on their faces' 'broken.'
Whilst your W may be having some little wobbles, I don't believe she is in that place yet. If she gets to that place, there is no mistaking it for sure. Stay your course for now xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi. No things have gone quiet. I had a great GAL weekend. Spent most of Saturday out with people while S did things with his friends. Sunday I went out for a drink with my sister in law and her friends. No W talk so that was fine. W hasn't been in touch and I haven't got any reason to until the beginning of March. Who knows what happens when she goes silent? I was surprised by her message last week but not going to chase. I can only keep working on my life.
Quick update. S has been to the dentist to fit some braces. W phoned flat to ask S how it went and see him. I was tidying in kitchen. He told me he was going down to see her as she had asked to come up. He told her he didn't want her coming into the flat and I was here. While he went down she texted me asking if I couldn't stand seeing her. Haven't replied and to be honest after her miss you text the other day I don't know what to say if anything.
Don't know if replying will help me or just to ignore the message. If I reply I really don't know what to say without making things worse. Sometimes inaction might be best.
Hi Scrant, I don't see a problem replying - if breezy and busy
Hi W - no, S just wanted to come down to you. Great he's underway with braces & take care
If you ignore, I guess there is a risk that she will think - Oh, he clearly can't bear to see me - and might you look churlish?
TBH, I wouldn't sweat it too much either way - but if you do want to reply I think it's fine on the basis - ie: giving the impression that you wouldn't really waste too much energy on her coming up or not...
JMHO of course xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks Sotto. Finally I sent this:Hi. S wanted to come down and see you. The braces look good, don't you think? Take care. Her response was I said I would go up and he said no because you were at home. I saw him with all the neighbours staring. The braces are almost invisible. It looks easy to wear. Goodnight. Don't know what to make of that.
Hi Scrant, I don't think this needs a reply. I'll offer my perspective on what she said below if that helps at all....
I said I would go up and he said no because you were at home. (She still wants to maintain a 'friendly' (we're all okay with this) relationship and was thwarted by S's discomfort. (And what your S feels and says to his Mum is up to him.)
I saw him with all the neighbours staring. (She felt people were watching - maybe they were, maybe not - and she was embarrassed, unhappy)
The braces are almost invisible. It looks easy to wear. Goodnight.
I think your W is 'living' the path she 'chose' with that exchange today. I don't think anything further is needed from you.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
The last few contacts have left me really unsettled. Don't know how to interpret her actions. Miss you then a surprise visit. I know I have to concentrate on me and S but I don't know what is going on in her.
