I love pugs! They are so cute and they don't get very big.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
There really hasn't been much to say about this new chapter because it's been quiet and nothing much has changed, until a couple of days ago. I came home from work to find his car parked in front of my house. I knew he was stopping by to see the kids and the puppy so that wasn't really an issue. The issue was when he was sitting in my bedroom, on the computer. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he was working on a freelance job. He doesn't understand boundaries or a respect for my privacy. And then came the spew..... And he left in a rage. And then came more spew via the phone, which continued through his texts. And history has been rewritten once again. I'm not angry as much as I am frustrated. I had hoped that this separation would be quiet and easy and give me time to clear my thoughts. I can see that I'm in for a bumpy ride and honestly don't think that I want to revisit this journey. I barely made it out alive the last time and I just don't have the strength to do it all over again.
I'm sorry he took it upon himself to go into your bedroom. Now that he's done that, time to put a password on your computer. It's unfortunate that you can't trust him to do the right thing and stay in the other parts of the house, but he'll have to have some boundaries. BTW, I'm not surprised that he spewed because he was caught doing something he knew he shouldn't have been doing. Don't respond to his messages. Just leave him to be by himself and fight that internal battle. Eventually the fire will die down and he'll get back to being the calmer version of his childish self.
If you need to enforce your boundaries...do it. He'll either honor them or he will have to face the consequences of not being allowed to come to your home unless you are there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Mirepoi. Just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing.
FWIW, I don't think you are nuts at all for making h move out. We put up with as much as we can, but there comes a point where our (and our families) mental and emotional health has to be the first priority.
I have a similar issue with h thinking he can wander around the house at will when he's here. Generally, he's pretty good but will sometimes say, I have to go downstairs and get so-and-so. It's hard not to follow him and keep an eye on what he's actually doing but I don't want to look like I'm a prison warden keeping tabs on his every movement. It's really sad what they do to our trust in them.
The potential of h and his brother both living with MIL is interesting. I can't imagine that will go well. I would think it would be incredibly difficult for 3 people who have lived apart, living life in their own fashion, to mesh into a compatible living arrangement under the same roof.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
I came home from work today to find H parked in front of the house sitting in his car. He said hello and acted as if everything was normal. I said hi, and continued to walk into the house. The kids said he had been sitting outside for about an hour.I don't know what to think anymore.
2times, Oh to be a fly in the wall when the three stooges are all living together again. My MIL is a very manipulative woman who also lies a lot and I can only imagine the chaos that will go on.
Thank you for not thinking I am nuts. I don't want to grin and bare it anymore, I am tired and I am getting too old to ride this crazy train.
Job, Legally this is his home too, which is why I have tried to play nice and not file for a legal separation. Unfortunately, if the stupidity continues I may have to go forward and just do the paperwork. I can't really afford to hire an attorney. I looked on line to see if I could do it myself but I don't understand all of the legal terminology and I dare not ask my son for help because I don't want him in the middle of this.
As you pointed out, legally it's his home too, however, that doesn't give him the right to use your computer w/o asking, since it is in your bedroom and he currently isn't living there. You have several choices, if the bedroom is your sanctuary, then put a lock on the door, but if you prefer not to do that, then password your computer. Be sure to put all of your private papers, documents, etc., some place safe that he will not get into. Yes, I'm being serious and no, I'm not being dramatic. These guys get curious about us and want to know what we are doing and they do look around.
Have you checked your computer lately to see if he's installed anything on it? He very well may have just been using it for work, but I bet he also was checking things out to see where you've been, etc. Be sure to clear out your cookies after each use. I went down this road many years ago and I'm only trying to warn you of what they can and some of them will do.
You need to think about what boundaries you could put in place about him coming there when you aren't home. BTW, where you expecting him the other day, i.e., he was sitting in the car for a long period of time. Maybe a schedule for visitation, or at least he give you a call to see if it's okay to stop by.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sweetie, you can't afford NOT to have an attorney. You have child support and property to divide (also consider if either of you have pensions or retirement savings). Also if he makes significantly more than you there may be alimony to consider. Also if your H is not paying the bills right now you can file for an order for temporary support. You need to at least learn your rights and find out what you can expect.
