Let's say you can see that your WW is chatting on Whatsapp. What would No More Mr Nice Guy do? Confront her as it happens? Reminds the boundry? Leaves home as the thought is unbearable? Get A Life and Detach?
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
Let's say you can see that your WW is chatting on Whatsapp. What would No More Mr Nice Guy do? Confront her as it happens? Reminds the boundry? Leaves home as the thought is unbearable? Get A Life and Detach?
If he has made a boundary regarding her chatting on Whatsapp, then he just needs to enforce it.
Did you make this a personal boundary? Is it for all chatting, or just certain people or when you are home, or what?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She does it outside the boundry. I suppose what I did was snooping. I did see she was online. I sometimes think she is foing it in front of me but she switces over and claims she is tslking with her mom or girlfriend.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
I see her urge to ask for space this time round not conflict as she acknowledges what I am doing is not wrong (changes I did), me being there is;it is free communication. In the morning, she said she is being logical but her heart says something else. And in a herapy she bombards as expedted about my past mistakes. I apologiz d over and I ver again.
I can sleep but still wake up early.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
She does it outside the boundry. I suppose what I did was snooping. I did see she was online. I sometimes think she is foing it in front of me but she switces over and claims she is tslking with her mom or girlfriend.
How did you state the boundary to her? What are the consequences if she dishonors your boundary?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I was very direct in words stating to her that She should not contact OM by any means. And the consequence;I left that open ended. I have read your Mr. Nice Guy thread and totally see myself. Though I am who I am.
Again every week I have been on business trips. Less contact but are how we used to be limbo but communicating. Still sleeping in a different room. She has asked if I wanted her to sleep tbere for a while and I said no. I am sure it woukd be used against me later on. Counselling delayed due to my trip. Next session will be a one on one. I will talk with the counselour mainly on what I should do.
The stigma of depressiin is awful. Together we watched Stephen Frys series on BBC about bipolar and it highlighted the fact it is a disease but W has been seeing it as me and the problem of the marriage. This hurts so so so deep. The trust is shattered. Really feel hopeless but forcing the techniques I leanred to cope with the bad feeling.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
