Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[rich4j]

Geez...the days are just getting harder and harder being under the same roof.

I have stopped posting as much but I need to more as its good therapy.

My STBX came back again from another weekend trip as she/I try to not be in the same house during weekends.

Her venom was toxic this time as she came home saying she had a knot in her stomach walking in the door seeing me. Nice! How are you on Valentines day!

As some of you know, I have gone back n forth on her having anothter sweetheart in the town she continues to visit but I think I have finally gotten to the point that I DONT CARE.

I read alot of posts of some of you that at least have one foot in the door which is a good sign and a few who are in a similar sitch as me with D papers being filed , an angry WAW under the same roof and having kids in the picture

She actually came back from her trip again and asked when I was leaving, why I wouldn't get a temp apartment, what is taking my L so long etc....

And went into a rant about how this was all my fault again and had the nerve to actaully say I had manipulated her during our relationship. That floored me...I asked to explain and she said with certain things like thinking about us putting an addition on the house, I would somehow manipulate her into thinking we couldn't afford it, it would be too painful etc.... That....crossed the line for me....and declared she had entered the world of nuttie and cut off the conversation

Things are so tense that I actually have crossed over the river to the side of the bank where I want to go and have a start fresh. I only look to protect my daughter and ensure she is way above all of this and we can shield her heart from being hurt. Makes me cry even writing this...about her as I spent a great weekend with her. Makes me resent my STBX soooo much when I think about my daughter. I took my D to lunch today and watched all the other families again with mom, dad, kids and made me super sad. I tried to refocus on having fun and conversation with her as she is precious

I know once I am out of here, and have my custody aligned so I can spend quality time with my daughter that things will be OK. It will be quiet , a bit lonely, but everyone gets a fresh start and that is what I can only focus on now

Vent over

[Thornton]

Rich,

Your W is baiting you. She wants you to react so she can justify her anger. Dont take the bait. Calmly walk away if you feel like you are going to get sucked in.

Hang in there, I know how guilt ridden you feel in regards to your D. I went through the same thing during my D from ex-wife (not my current WAW). It killed me to see my little 5 year old daughter hurt from our seperation.

Keep being the best dad you can for her.

[keefa]

right there with you rich4j,
One of the things that amazed me to the point of turning myself inside our researching every possible angle. Transactional anaylisis, narcissism and so on. No point. Just stick to the rules and go 'meh'
I know its hard.
This weekend I am being threatened with legal action for keeping 2 of many of my boys coats at my house. Again I just let my inner monologue go 'meh, whatever' and carried on. It is hard especially when we are fighting a hundred other battles too...

[rich4j]

This weekend I am being threatened with legal action for keeping 2 of many of my boys coats at my house. Again I just let my inner monologue go 'meh, whatever' and carried on. It is hard especially when we are fighting a hundred other battles too...

Keefa- I will say some of you on the board have a much tougher go at it than me with some of the nonsense and heart wrenching things I read. Those are such "little balls" in the stream of life...geez. coats? cmon!

I just want to get out of this fog and transition into a new environment. It will be lonely and I know when I need to leave the house (if that is what happens which seems the most undisruptive to my Daughter) I will have a super hard time ......I tear up thinking about it and seeing my D sit in the window that her and I often look out of together. It rips me apart....

[keefa]

I agree but just it's like faking it till you make it. GAL.
I think about my journey since BD. yes it feels just like a fog. It is surreal when or if I stop and think about it. My inner voice says ' this is just mental'
I am still in a real state of disbelief that this could of happened and that my W, of all the people in the world I would have put last to have ever done this. But what can I do ? What gives me the absolute best possible chance of recovery and change from the negative to a not so negative and even a positive ? I was genuinely looking at a box of tramodol just over a week ago. A friend threatened to call the police to my address if I didn't answer every half hour. This I know sounds very dramatic and attention seeking. It is not. I had my boys this weekend and it felt like Christmas. it changed so quickly. It has changed back again this week to a negative but I feel strong and this too will pass.
My point is things will and always have changed. Sometimes worse, sometimes better. Your now is not your forever. What ever you feel or think, it will change. All you have to do is figure out what tiny little things help you get through.
Mine is walking the pooch, being mindful of nature, seeing my boys of course, Running, (I hate running but it is good routine discipline to do it) catching a rugby game, painting the house and so on.
there is hardly 5 minutes when I don't think of my boys and what they are upto but if I am honest with myself, I know they are ok, going mental somewhere with cars and light sabres and so on. It hurts but I have to keep moving forward. I have to. Or I won't be the Daddy I want to be. I won't be the person I want to be and that is all I can do for now..

[ciluzen]

I agree but just it's like faking it till you make it. GAL.
I think about my journey since BD. yes it feels just like a fog. It is surreal when or if I stop and think about it. My inner voice says ' this is just mental'
I am still in a real state of disbelief that this could of happened and that my W, of all the people in the world I would have put last to have ever done this. But what can I do ? What gives me the absolute best possible chance of recovery and change from the negative to a not so negative and even a positive ? I was genuinely looking at a box of tramodol just over a week ago. A friend threatened to call the police to my address if I didn't answer every half hour. This I know sounds very dramatic and attention seeking. It is not. I had my boys this weekend and it felt like Christmas. it changed so quickly. It has changed back again this week to a negative but I feel strong and this too will pass.
My point is things will and always have changed. Sometimes worse, sometimes better. Your now is not your forever. What ever you feel or think, it will change. All you have to do is figure out what tiny little things help you get through.
Mine is walking the pooch, being mindful of nature, seeing my boys of course, Running, (I hate running but it is good routine discipline to do it) catching a rugby game, painting the house and so on.
there is hardly 5 minutes when I don't think of my boys and what they are upto but if I am honest with myself, I know they are ok, going mental somewhere with cars and light sabres and so on. It hurts but I have to keep moving forward. I have to. Or I won't be the Daddy I want to be. I won't be the person I want to be and that is all I can do for now..

Keefa,

I've been following your posts and this is a very healthy change in tone. You are growing a great attitude and it shows. Yes, there are going to be some really down times ahead; times you'll want to curl up in a ball. But it will pass. Changes happen minute by minute. You are doing great.

[rich4j]

Curling up in a ball sounds just fine sometimes. Keefa..feel for ya and if you were closer (sounds like you are UK based) I would catch a rugby game with you. I played back in college in the states Kids can keep us going and that is what I wake up every day and am thankful for...and my dogs! :-)

Those that have followed my drama ...there has been allegedly no A. From reading and posting over the last few months I doubted this over and over again as she was not the type of person to just throw in the towel but then again maybe I didn't know her well enough.

I have flip flopped from caring/not caring to caring/not caring weekly in terms of an affair. Why do I care at this point? Pride? yes. Do I like more pain than I am in ? No

But I guess for some of us we need answers. I kept digging and have found she "at least" has had an interest out of town where she has been at least hanging out with when visiting her hometown friends. It seems to not have started until we were in a bad,dark place but I am confident it was part of what she needed to kick me to the curb. And continue the blame game of "I wouldn't be dong this if it wasn't his fault"

[keefa]

Yep snap again rich4j, had (am having)the same. This has been said many times but man the spookiness of how often the same scenario's play out !
'M was over so i've done nothing wrong' ' this would have all been sorted if you'd have moved out months ago' and so on. My answer now ?
'Meh'

Thank you ciluzen. I'm not sure I am convincing myself just yet but I will keep going.
Some days you're the fly, some days you're the windscreen! (windshield!)

I love my Rugga but also play a little hockey too!

I found the A after picking up an old cell phone. I had an uncomfortable feeling something wasn't right for a while before BD. She actually swore on our boys lives that nothing was going on. I believed her. She had an Iphone, She had used it for the last few years although the contract was technically in my name.
She went out shopping but had asked me to cancel the contract and sell the phone as she had bought a new one in her name. I never found out why, just figured she wanted a new phone. I decided to give it to our eldest as a treat for school work etc and was waiting for w to return so we could chat about it. I decided to turn it on to check there were no family pics, birthday christmas memories etc before factory re-setting it. Ding...there were all the sexting pics, naked pics of him and pics of W with legs apart etc. Stuff i'd begged for to send to me but she'd never done so despite seeing her give birth twice etc. All the sex conversations, meetings and so on.
BUT.....guess what....yep she denied it and maintained had done nothing wrong.

[G8r]

Man O'Malley, our Ws must consult each other before they return from their trips. They say almost the same things verbatim and blame us for everything. I have my faults but the M didn't crumble because of them. I think (and I've told my WW as much) they need to have a long look in the mirror.

Stay strong and try not to get suckered /baited into an argument. My WW needs that fix almost as much as she needs her fix of the om.

[rich4j]

I sit in my house this afternoon working as I usually go to an office and my STBX is playing music, having kids over after school, and it actually really gets my goat.

Why do I have to leave the house? Yeah....it would be easier for my daughter in the short term as her mom does usually get her from the bus etc..but I can do it too. Just PO'd.....I really want her out of the house at this point in the longer term. Need to sync with my L