Is there any point really?

[peacetoday]

It seems like you got a lot out
and yes your H has given up a lot

and it is not your fault
you could not have prevented his MLC
you are doing all the right things and your kids will see and know that
they will grow up strong knowing how to face challenges in their lives

It will get better soon
days pass very fast
and this is a time of changing healing and growing for the LBS
For some of us, the biggest challenge thus far

[Mia2003]

I'm so sick of the lack of sleep.
Thing is he hasn't just moved in with this woman they have jointly rented together. Is this mid life crisis or just plain fun led he wanted to call it a day.
All I do is go round what I did wrong in my head at 4 am. Lack of sex, a bit irritable with him ( I was going thrthrough ugh a tough time at work...he knew that) . I go mad thinking about when it all started with her his development of ' strong emotional feelings' . You know I don't know if I really want him back as such more really sad at what I've lost. 19 and half years of brilliant ( even he admitted that in counselling) how could it all unravel so quickly.

[Kyh]

Hi Mia, sorry to read about your sitch.

I received some good advice in my thread about forgetting about w's OM. I probably never completely will be able to but ive just started to and I feel like I'm finally starting to get myself back together. I know it's hard but try not to think about your h and work on yourself for yourself. Take care, it will get better.

[Mia2003]

It's hard, I think I'm getting better with not dwelling on it so much. My h is a complete idiot, no doubt. Never thought he could turn into such a selfish pollock. The nfortunately at 4 am when I wake up I can't stop thinking of ow. Is she prettier, more attentive, better cook etc. Well she must be better he chose her over me and the kids

[Mia2003]

It's hard, I think I'm getting better with not dwelling on it so much. My h is a complete idiot, no doubt. Never thought he could turn into such a selfish pollock. The nfortunately at 4 am when I wake up I can't stop thinking of ow. Is she prettier, more attentive, better cook etc. Well she must be better he chose her over me and the kids

[job]

Mia,
If your h is in MLC, he most likely will "affair down". That means the ow doesn't necessarily have to prettier, etc. She is most likely going to be just an ordinary person. A person who sees a man that is confused and will take advantage of that. She will be someone who is on the same level that he is right now while in crisis. She may very well be the exact opposite of you. Your h may have cried the blues to her and she listened and encouraged him w/his dreams of fantasy right now...but that doesn't mean she's better by a long shot. She could be someone who loves to party, drink, gamble, etc....but please never compare yourself to her. She is nothing more than a band aid right now to your h's crisis.

If your h is in crisis, he's going to make a lot of decisions that aren't rational to you. He's going to make a lot of mistakes and yes, he's going to experiment and try different things along the way, but that doesn't mean they are the right ones...but he has to do this stuff in order to go back and visit his childhood. These things are the ones that he thinks he missed out on and now needs to do in order to finally grow up. He didn't choose to have a crisis, but he did have a choice when it came to hooking up w/someone...but again, their brains are scrambled for a long time and they are operating on pure emotions during the crisis.

Again, do not for one minute think the ow is better than you. After all you and your children are the jewels in the family's tiara. You are the prize and never forget that.

[Mia2003]

Thanks, the irony is he was very affected by his parents split. His mother left his dad when he was 13 she said her h was a crap husband and crap father and she suspected him and f having an affair although that was not why she left. Then she moved out and Tom the 2 younger kids with her. My h stayed with his dada and he always rcalls his dad moving his now stepmother and stepbrother into the family home the next day. See a similar pattern here. This all seems to have kicked off after a another rejection in March from his dad after a funeral. Is it Mlc. Is there any chance he will come round?

[2Times2Many]

Hi Mia,

I completely understand the 4am wake-up calls about ow because I've been there, done that! It can drive you mad. You have to find the strength to let it go. Trust me, I know how hard that is to do.

I came across a posting Job made on another thread some time ago that helped me deal with OW (I printed it and read it often, especially when thoughts about her were invading my mind):

"The op provides the following to mlcers: flattery, attention, easy sex, admiration without accomplishment, shallow attachment, infatuation, fantasy, and centrality.

Real love is a lot of work and they don't want to work on anything during the crisis. They want fun and be able to do whatever they want when they want and that's why the op is so very easy for them because true love is not a part of the scenario. As I have mentioned before, they are roommates and f@ck buddies only."

I hope Job's wise words help you deal. They helped me.

2T

[Mia2003]

Thank you, wish I could find the original post. It sounds like wise words. I'll keep it in mind. Btw how do You add a signature?

[2Times2Many]

That quote was posted in a thread by a poster named Raine. If you do an advanced search and go back about 3 years, you'll find it. She was a success story and very inspirational!

To add a signature, go to My Stuff, EditProfile. You'll find it there.