Need help. Threading water, must learn to swim.

[G8r]

Having ok day. WW asked to go out to dinner for 2nd time in 3 days tonight. Turned her down both times. I was already cooking dinner on Monday and was going to church tonight. WW also invited me to the circus with D3 and her. I accepted that invitation. I don't think WW is interested in R but I do think she is feeling like she is losing me. Anyone have any thoughts?

Tonight she texted me, "Sorry you so fully hate me as you do these days, G8r (but used real name). Don't know it was ever avoidable. Maybe I shouldn't have asked about the circus. I won't ask you to join us in the future if you prefer."

I am so dying to respond to this on so many levels but no good will come of it. A.. I don't hate her, quite the opposite but I don't tell her I love her anymore. In fact, I really want to use one of her lines against her and tell her that I don't believe she ever loved me. B... It was avoidable!!!!! Don't have a F'ing A!!! Although I appreciate the invite to the circus, I was planning on taking D3 myself, but if she wants to pay I'm good.

Now I hear her walking around upstairs. Think she is trying to figure out what I'm doing. Not much. Cooked some snow crab for dinner at 9:30 pm. Don't usually eat that late but I didn't eat before I went to church tonight.

The past couple of nights I've begun to vacillate on whether I really want to be with her anymore. Rather than hope and pray for a R, I've begun praying to be able to forgive her when I move on without her because I'm no longer sure I'm interested in R even if she dumped the chump and showed some remorse. I'm not going to say or do anything rash because I want to do what is best for D3 1st and me 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc...

Lol. She just came downstairs to let me know it was chilly upstairs (she thought I had the heat turned up downstairs, I didn't, it's on a timer and set at 62 during the night). She also let me know that she messaged me on FB (same message I mention earlier in this post). Told her I know in the same manner than Han Solo tells Princess Leia when she tells him that she loves him.

Mostly journaling, but I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks!!!

[G8r]

I would appreciate some advice / comments on my last post. Thank you.

[otw]

hey
i think you need to respond. You cn simply say you appreciate the invites and just have made previous plans. I prob wouldn't mention the her thinking you hate her. let that go. then let her know you are looking forward to the circus. That is prob the truth, I mean it is a circus and your daughter! whats not to look forward too!


As far as thinking if you really want her or not, that is common. Your brain is processing all of this, still think you are in the very beginning of all of this and you will flip flop for a while on this. Eventually you will feel a lot longer one way or the other then it will coming crashing back the other way.

keep your head up. I think you must be doing well to have her thinking so much, but don't let that get to you. As quick as she gets like this she can turn the other way.

Until you hear her say the words about wanting to try then it is all her running on emotions.

[Tyler12]

I have no real advice from my own experience as I haven't had WW invite me to anything and she is now moved out. I am in the same place as you though, wondering if I want R when the dust settles.

I recommend you tread lightly in this situation tho. Personally I would still act as if and continue to DB. However that also involves validating and showing you care. It can be very hard not to jump at any scrap she throws to you.

I guess the best I can do to advise is keep with the program. Don't be cold to her.
Hopefully someone with more experience can help you through this

Keep up the positive changes my friend. It makes me happy to see the personal progress you have made

[G8r]

Thank you for the advice and encouragement otw and Tyler12.

I went back and saw that although I thanked her for the ticket, I was a bit aloof and I should have used the opportunity to validate her more (without going overboard on the praise). I also have thanked her for the other invites but I haven't specifically told her it was because I had other plans or that I was already doing something. I can see how that my come across as cold and that isn't what I want to show her.

Today's another day so I'll try to make adjustments and find that sweet spot between detaching and being nice to her.

[G8r]

Busy past couple of days. Felt bad on Thursday because I temporarily got drawn into a text argument with WW. I did call her out on her affair (she really believes that she isn't having an A because she believes the M is dead. When I didn't back down, she decided that I had been having an A with myself so it was ok for her to have one). I almost got drawn all the way in but God shut off my phone (IMO, it shut off and I couldn't turn it back on but it came back on 5 minutes later when WW texted me again) and I stopped responding. WW thought I was at ladies nigt picking up women Wednesday and Thursday nights when I was at church. Lol.

She was still mad Friday morning and I managed to get her even angrier by not telling her that I had Friday off. She walked into the MBR nude and freaked when I told her good morning. She wasnt expecting that. She had some choice words for me as I left to take D3 to daycare but my hearing isnt so good so I have no idea what she said, only that it likely wasn't nice given her tone and demeanor. I know I should eliminate the disrespect but then was not the time. I needed to get D3 out of the house so she doesn't hage to see that nonsense.

Helped a friend move yesterday.

Thought I'd be ok today but I'm a bit down. I am going to take D3 out to dinner instead of WW. We will have a great time. Not looming forward to later tonight. I'm going to have to address WW poor behavior when she gets home tonight but it needs to be addressed.

[rich4j]

G8r

Made me chuckle about her walking in nude.

Are you feeling any different from a few days ago where you were going back n forth of really wanting to be with her anyway?

I know being the same house is a tough sitch as I am in this too and it is toxic

[G8r]

Yep. I'm still going back and forth as to whether I want to be with her. Big difference is that I know I'll be ok if she wants to leave. It will hurt but I've already begun to see new horizons.

[G8r]

Well. Looks like my WW hasn't cooled off since last Thursday. I asked her what time she would be home as I was about to give my D3 a bath this morning. She asked why and I told her I had an IC appointment. She said she couldn't make it as asked what I was going to do, was I going to cancel the appointment. I told her I would take care of it and I would see her when she returned from work. That was the wrong answer for her. She had to know what I was going to do. The more adamant she became, the less I was willing to tell her that I would call our day care provider to see if she could watch or I would just cancel the appointment. I screwed up by not telling her. I was frustrated with her and I let her get to me.

She blocked my D3 and I in the bathroom demanding to know and complaining how marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life. I remained calm but my D3 heard everything she had to say. I felt so bad for D3. I should have tried to leave the room since WW refused to leave. I feel like I failed to protect my D3 from WW anger and resentment. I also feel disgusted with myself for wanting to R with this woman that used to be my W.

I am sooooooo down today.

I want to call WW and ask her where we want wrong. Before the A, we agreed on just about everything and seldom had arguments. I thought we had a great relationship and now her anger and resentment oozes from every pore on her body and every word she speaks. I won't because it will likely only fuel her anger.

What really gets me is that she is projecting her feelings on me and telling me how my anger towards her and my hatred of her is hurting our D3. I walk away, I ignore it for the most part (but have told her it is unacceptable to express in front of D3) and I pray to accept her decisions and to be able to forgive her. What else can I do? Is there anything else I can do?

I am miserable today.

[rich4j]

She blocked my D3 and I in the bathroom demanding to know and complaining how marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life. I remained calm but my D3 heard everything she had to say. I felt so bad for D3. I should have tried to leave the room since WW refused to leave. I feel like I failed to protect my D3 from WW anger and resentment.

wow....you have to be kidding me. How about asking her to never do that again in front of your kids? YOu have a long fuse ......put up some boundries and tell her to never talk in front of thekids about your R.