V, I love you and view you as a very gentle soul. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with working and getting up. What exactly are the issues (the real issues) and what could you do about themv? This exercise may be beneath you but it might help in figuring out how to fix the true issues.
Of course Mahhhty, I am looking at your exercise, and it is square to the point. I will revert.
It's one of those things that the many of my friends describe me as a gentle and old soul, so thank you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Just thought I would tell you, I read through your threads.
I guess I will never understand MLC, makes me glad my WH behaves abusively, I am looking at least 4 OW to date, gambling and alcoholism.
I guess he is a Hyde/Hyde wanna be MLCer?
V
To briefly answer your question.
Midlife is the time when our age starts to catch up with us. And anything that has been wrong in the past gets magnified, and blown around and many times gets much worse.
For instance I had a bad knee in high school and college, now it hurts a lot since my operation in college left bone on bone. My mother who was bipolar her whole life got to the same age as we are now and blew her life up, destroying everything in sight. Divorced my father, ended up in jail, and just really went crazy. For others we do not notice that they were gamblers, or narcissists, depressed or whatever other things that had gone wrong in their lives. They had unresolved childhood issues that at midlife blow up in their faces. So we all go through mid life transitions, but some become a crisis when they go off the rails.
identity crisis a period in the psychosocial development of an individual, usually occurring during adolescence, manifested by a loss of the sense of the sameness and historical continuity of one's self, confusion over values, or an inability to accept the role the individual perceives as being expected by society.
life crisis a period of disorganization that occurs when a person meets an obstacle to an important life goal, such as the sudden death of a family member, a difficult family conflict, an incident of domestic violence (spouse or child abuse), a serious accident, loss of a limb, loss of a job, or rape or attempted rape.
So a crisis combines with age, hormones, depression, childhood issues, trigger point and you get MLC.
It is quite possible that you husband is a gambler and in a MLC. It is possible that he was in MLC when you met and married him and that you did not recognize it.
Don't worry - none of us knew these things as it is not taught in school.
A MLC can end and the person is still bipolar or still depressed, or still has a bad knee. Maybe the knee just doesnt hurt as much, or the other symptoms are not as pronounced.
There are millions of pages written about MLC so that is as much detail as I am going to go into here.
WH was a covert gambler all his life and he cheated on W1. (who died of cancer before we met). I have discovered he had done some terrible things only after we M.
I think if MLC arrives in mid life as you imply and I infer that from you that WH could be in MLC additionally. Primarily I think he was a traditional systematic abuser, sadly MLC alone will not apply. I say sadly because I don't see any resolution of WH behaviour as I truly believe it's a personality issue not a behaviourally driven one.
He may have MLC issues and I hope for his sake he resolves those and obtains the help he needs to heal. I would wish this for him and all those in MLC.
A while ago on Schermans thread I think you discussed the incidence of poor health patterns in your family, and modern treatments can help more women like your mother stabilise her health and moods. I hope she found some peace in her life eventually, I will pray for that for your family.
Quite often I read the pain of the LBS or WAS when dealing with an abuser or wayward or MLCer. In the longer term we are the blessed ones, ready to heal, DBing to become the best we can be. It always seems to me that ultimately it is us who decide to let go and let God.
I am saddened that these life events interrupt lives and those around them suffer as well. This is a good board for self development, although there are few that are wayward a here there should be more. A conundrum in that waywardness and MLC traits need the greatest help and those that have them seek the least support.
My left knee hurts too, so I understand the knee issues. Mine is self inflicted from too much high impact aerobics. Ouch.
Hugs and peace
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I think if MLC arrives in mid life as you imply and I infer that from you that WH could be in MLC additionally. Primarily I think he was a traditional systematic abuser, sadly MLC alone will not apply. I say sadly because I don't see any resolution of WH behaviour as I truly believe it's a personality issue not a behaviourally driven one.
He may have MLC issues and I hope for his sake he resolves those and obtains the help he needs to heal. I would wish this for him and all those in MLC.
I absolutely agree. You didn't break him and can not fix him.
No matter what he is or has - he must fix himself, on his own.
Yes this board is a great place for all of us to work on ourselves!
FAGIN A man's got a heart, hasn't he? Joking apart -- hasn't he? And tho' I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint, I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint... I'm reviewing the situation Can a fellow be a villain all his life? All the trials and tribulations! Better settle down and get myself a wife. And a wife would cook and sew for me, And come for me, and go for me, And go for me, and nag at me, The fingers, she would wag at me. The money she would take from me. A misery, she'd make from me... ...I think I'd better think it out again! A wife you can keep, anyway, I'd rather sleep, anyway. Left without anyone in the world, And I'm starting from now. So "how to win friends and to influence people" --So how?
I'm reviewing the situation, I must quickly look up ev'ryone I know. Titled people -- with a station -- Who can help me make a real impressive show! I will own a suite at Claridges, And run a fleet of carriages, And wave at all the duchesses With friendliness, as much as is Befitting of my new estate... "Good morrow to you, magistrate!" ...I think I'd better think it out again. So where shall I go -- somebody? Who do I know? Nobody! All my dearest companions Have always been villains and thieves... So at my time of life I should start turning over new leaves...? I'm reviewing the situation. If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob! Is it such a humiliation For a robber to perform an honest job? So a job I'm getting, possibly, I wonder who my boss'll be? I wonder if he'll take to me...? What bonuses he'll make to me...? I'll start at eight and finish late, At normal rate, and all... but wait! ...I think I'd better think it out again. What happens when I'm seventy? Must come a time...seventy. When you're old, and it's cold And who cares if you live or you die, Your one consolation's the money You may have put by... I'm reviewing the situation. I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay! You'll be seeing no transformation, But it's wrong to be a rogue in ev'ry way. I don't want nobody hurt for me, Or made to do the dirt for me. This rotten life is not for me. It's getting far too hot for me. There is no in between for me But who will change the scene for me? Don't want no one to rob for me. But who will find a job for me ...I think I'd better think it out again! Hey!
Read more: Oliver - Reviewing The Situation Lyrics
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
