Sandi2, I been up since 3am reading your old post and in it you mention that you felt that "If there's no sex....there's no marriage". Last night I ask my wife what do you feel when we are together watching movies, she reply "happy". Than I ask what do you think love is to what she reply "sex in a marriage", I told her sex is great and I always want it and sure it is important in a marriage but it's not what love is about. Sorry haven't finish reading your post yet but "how did you understand begun to understand? Just how you felt my wife feels too"
Starting R talks, asking her to give up EA, talking about how you won't play family with her if she doesn't, wanting to snap her out of it with filing D...all controlling behavior, and none of it has anything to do with DB. And it doesn't follow the principle of showing with actions, not words.
I told you to slow down and learn to accept some limbo and you are trying to force through this like you're evacuating a burning building. When I say you are allowing your emotions to control you I mean that you are so uncomfortable in your sitch you are doing incredibly destructive things that will impact your family for the rest of your life in an effort to change the sitch and change how you feel. Meanwhile you write this as if you're doing it from a place of higher awareness. And anyone that dares challenge that is told not to post again.
Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Seriously, Azzork came on here trying to give you tools to save your marriage and you literally threw them back in his face and told him to buzz off. I am pretty sick about that. But I get it. You are hurt and following DB is too tough for you. If standing by your M is too painful then go ahead and end it your way. If you really want to save it though I'd recommend you reread Sandi's 37 rules, Azzorks post, and consider that you might not be the exception to all of the rules. There are reasons R talks, pressure, asking for reassurances, ultimatums, and this type of thing don't work in rebuilding a marriage. It is more of the same behavior that she wants nothing to do with. Learn a better way if you want to save the M.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Starting R talks, asking her to give up EA, talking about how you won't play family with her if she doesn't, wanting to snap her out of it with filing D...all controlling behavior, and none of it has anything to do with DB. And it doesn't follow the principle of showing with actions, not words.
I told you to slow down and learn to accept some limbo and you are trying to force through this like you're evacuating a burning building. When I say you are allowing your emotions to control you I mean that you are so uncomfortable in your sitch you are doing incredibly destructive things that will impact your family for the rest of your life in an effort to change the sitch and change how you feel. Meanwhile you write this as if you're doing it from a place of higher awareness. And anyone that dares challenge that is told not to post again.
Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Seriously, Azzork came on here trying to give you tools to save your marriage and you literally threw them back in his face and told him to buzz off. I am pretty sick about that. But I get it. You are hurt and following DB is too tough for you. If standing by your M is too painful then go ahead and end it your way. If you really want to save it though I'd recommend you reread Sandi's 37 rules, Azzorks post, and consider that you might not be the exception to all of the rules. There are reasons R talks, pressure, asking for reassurances, ultimatums, and this type of thing don't work in rebuilding a marriage. It is more of the same behavior that she wants nothing to do with. Learn a better way if you want to save the M.
I'm sorry but not sure who Azzorks is, if your talking about TXHubby his advice was to stop being passive the opposite of what the DB couch said to do. I also go advise by sande2 who said that playing family is good.
It does sound controlling that I told her to end the EA, while we are being together going out as a family she is happy with that, when we are sitting down having a conversation she is happy. At the end of the day she is back in the Fantasy of the EA. She is having the two worlds mean wile I'm being destroyed.
Sandi2, you have live through it. I need help just like you did in 05. Do I continue to feed her the best of both worlds? She told me as I said that "I thought I could have OM and Kids and you as friend until the kids were older"
Seriously, Azzork came on here trying to give you tools to save your marriage and you literally threw them back in his face and told him to buzz off. I am pretty sick about that. But I get it.
My apologies I did go back and what I reply to Azzork was no throwing it back in his face, I confirm to him that I was not making the changes for her but for me. If that come out wrong I apologize to Azzork that was not my intention.
I hope you don't leave the boards. I am fairly new here and I have to tell you I wish that I would've found this site months earlier. You have very good people giving you advice. I only WISH I had enough interactions with my H that these people could be giving me the same advice. Even if it sounds like "tough love", they care enough to help you have the best options to reconcile. So, I hope you can accept what they have to say and I hope it helps.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I hope you don't leave the boards. I am fairly new here and I have to tell you I wish that I would've found this site months earlier. You have very good people giving you advice. I only WISH I had enough interactions with my H that these people could be giving me the same advice. Even if it sounds like "tough love", they care enough to help you have the best options to reconcile. So, I hope you can accept what they have to say and I hope it helps.
Thanks for your kind words, I do accept their advice and I'm very thankful for it. Per the title of this post I'm confuse, different types of advices. I'm having a nervouse brakedown that I never had and my work is veey demanding, if I make a mistake it my bring harm to someone (had a hyperventilatuon attack yesterday). I need to get a hold of my self if anything happens to me my kids and wife will be in very bad shape atleast when it comes financially, although my wife could work it would not be enough to scratch the surface of what we need every month. My/our business is slow and been living from savings for the past three months. Our M is falling apart. My wife is having an AE and won't give it up. When my wife is gone our kids will be Deviated.
Thanks for your kind words, I do accept their advice and I'm very thankful for it. Per the title of this post I'm confuse, different types of advices. I'm having a nervouse brakedown that I never had and my work is veey demanding, if I make a mistake it my bring harm to someone (had a hyperventilatuon attack yesterday). I need to get a hold of my self if anything happens to me my kids and wife will be in very bad shape atleast when it comes financially, although my wife could work it would not be enough to scratch the surface of what we need every month. My/our business is slow and been living from savings for the past three months. Our M is falling apart. My wife is having an AE and won't give it up. When my wife is gone our kids will be Deviated.
I can only say that we have all been exactly in your shoes.
You could re-write some of our earlier posts with your.
That is why you need to stay here to learn what to do!
