Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[Rick1963]

I can relate to everything you guys are going through. I went through the same fears and concerns. I kept the house and ex was really angry. She actually wanted me to move away from town. I didnt think i could afford it either. I looked at apartments and they were just as costly. I went out and got 2 part time jobs. A few months after my divorce and buying the house I was laid off from my job of 10 years. I was a mess.

I get the attachement to the home where your children grew. It is a big adjustment but you can do it. It will all workout in the end.

[rich4j]

Sad stories for us all...

Had a counseling session today with the STBX about co -parenting.

I lost it ....crying...not around our sitch but when we started to discuss how to talk to our daughter. And "what if she cries"...how do you handle. I know I will melt if she cries when the time comes to tell her

What was interesting was my pushy STBX kept telling the therapist how things should work and she kept correcting her that "this was not the way it should go". An example was not having dinners at all together right now living under the same roof as a family. My STBX said it gives the wrong impression to our D that everything is OK. We shouldn't do it

Therapist said ....WRONG. You should show her it is OK as you still will be a family...just not husband /wife.

I need a vacation.

[rich4j]

Also found out my STBX has told other people in our "circle" we are getting divorced


We agreed only to tell 1 or 2 close friends/family who have been there to support either one of us thru this...

It seems she has lied to me and decided to tell whoever she wanted to...almost like a badge of honor

PO'd beyond belief. So I am trying to figure out what I do with this new great info.

[otw]

Why are you really mad? Did you think if she didn't tell people it won't happen.
She is looking to get validation from people.

I once felt the same. Then I realized it really changes nothing

[sandi2]

Here's the thing about most WW's. They are going to do what they want. It makes no difference what they've said, and makes no difference who it hurts, and it really makes no difference how or what they have to do to get whatever they want.

[NYGal]

rich, they tell others to help build a case for the D. Then when they waiver, it's harder to come back because so many people know. My W did that, then regretted it when all the b.s. she had spread about me came back to me through the rumor mill.

Good luck. Don't tell people who don't need to know yet. I did that early on and regretted it. It gave her license to tell whomever she wanted and that made it more real and harder to undo.

[rich4j]

Sandy...agree. Its like she has no conscious anymore which was one of the many traits I loved

OTW-mad...there is a lack of respect and I won't get steam rolled or pushed around anymore with her stuff. If we agree to keep things quiet, she needs to also do this. If we are going to co parent together with our D, this type of stuff is poison that will continue so I need to put my foot down

NYGal-200% agree. She is like a Laywer building her case with her friendship pool. She is continuously validating her decision over and over and it was funny but one of the folks who found out said ..."not surprised...she is not nice and he is too nice"......

[rich4j]

Have "stewed" on this for a few days and going to address with her directly when she gets back in town tomorrow on beatufiul Valentines Day!

My D was making her a card today while she was away and asked "Daddy..why don't you make a card?". I had nothing for her as I know she won't either so wrote up a card to keep my D on a good track. Its such a tough situation right now.

I go back and forth about digging deeper to see about an affair as some days I am like "no way" and other days she actually points all the signs to she has been having something.

I do once think she is having a PA out of town. I spoke with our prior therapist last week and she thought she is not the type to do this....

But the person I suspect she may be having a fling wiht....which she has no idea I do.....cuz I did some snooping and its 5 hrs from here.....she may have been with last night

She goes out to dinner or drinks in his town and puts it on our credit card. She obviously has no idea I have any idea of him at all but its kind of a coincidence to be in his town???

Still waiting on my L to see if this would impact the divorce in my state.

What a great valentines gift....she probably spent the weekend with him

[sandi2]

Your therapist actually used those words, "she's not the type"? What type of woman has an A? Was he/she referring to women in high society, good families, secure finances, loving husbands, wonderful parents, formal education, religious, high morals/values..........or was the therapist thinking the type would be some woman from the wrong side of town, low income, abusive background, low education, loose morals, dysfunctional family, unstableness, etc.? Well, I have news for the therapist. Infidelity is no respector of persons! It's just like cancer. It can hit in the best of homes and worst.

I think it is a big mistake for any individual to believe there is a type of person who will have some sort of an affair, and a type of person who won't have an affair of any kind.

[rich4j]

agree on your premise sandi

Just stating that she knows her from a few years of therapy and that was her take

I have seen some friends wives who seem like they would be the last person to cheat become the cheater as well as husbands .....

When you add this all up, it makes no sense at all and the irrational has taken over. Which is what she is right now and wouldnt doubt she has been lying out one side of her mouth for months. Gulp...