I feel like he's out of sight, out of mind with me. But I understand. We have bills and things to discuss. That the only time we talk really, is when something is due - that's the only time he may/may not reach out. Otherwise, he says he busy with work.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
That's why I think you should pull back. If you are in contact with him, and he doesn't seem to care, how do you get him to notice your absence? Pull back.
You said you pulled back for months and nothing happened. You might need to pull back for several months before he takes notice.
This is all just my opinion. If you have a plan with your DB Coach, I would definately listen to your coach.
I think that like me you are expecting this to resolve itself quickly. Two months isn't a long time for him to miss you. I'm nearly a year down birthday BD & still no effort from STBXH to move forward. I might save my M but I'm feeling happier. Don't focus on him, put all that energy on you. Everything will work out well in the end.
Thank you Thornton, I appreciate you opinion, trust me. We're all going through the same thing. I just don't know. He is totally not phased by anything I do or do not do. I notice that when i pull back, he comes to "find me" and thats when we start talking again. So this is one of those times. He initiated convo about 2 weeks ago asking how I was and saying he was sorry he didnt return my call (about something important) and how he was not in a good place emotionally and figured that I probably wasn't either. This was the 1st time he's been somewhat emotional with me since he announced the D word. I was surprised, affirmed his emotions, didnt say anything about my emotions, and left it at that. Then i slowly re-engaged with him. DB coach had a suggestion, I did what she suggested and he responded with a "yes." Then I had my slip up but then he said he would still help. Well now, he's seems too busy, he must be nervous so back to the pull back.
This is agonizing but I absolutely love the "be someone only a fool would leave." mantra. That is so empowering. It makes me want to go for a run right now lol. I think I just hate all the time that's passing by and we're not communicating or making progress toward R, or are we? I know he's big on not giving me false hope so this must be his way of steering clear. Went to the therapist this morning too. Sometimes I literally step back from this and laugh b/c its hysterical to me. To seriously think that my hubby would be this person now?! I find myself hysterically laughing and crying at the EXACT same time. It's the scariest, craziest ride I've ever been on. This is all just so unnecessary.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
Reading T0324's thread and it sounds so similar to mine, everything. I am just completely baffled by how these people turn into aliens and how similar all of our accounts are but then all have different outcomes and take varying amounts of time. I feel like alot of people I see on here that R aren't separated for that long, although I could be wrong.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
Sorry Rouky, just seeing your response. Yes, I think to a certain extent, I am looking for this to resolve itself at a faster pace. And its been 2mos since the D word came into play but overall 6 mos since he's physically left our apartment. I know I'll be better as time goes on...but I still have hope.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
