I'm Back

[Thornton]

Thats good you found something to help distract yourself Keefa.

I find myself thinking too far into the future instead of staying in the moment. It's hard to not wonder what life is going to be like in the future. I need to make more of a conscious decision to just worry about what's in front of me today.

[keefa]

No matter where you think you will be in 3 months or 3 years...
you will be somewhere different.
It might be something subtle like 3 months ago i'd never thought i'd be on a site like this speaking to fantastic people and finding support from strangers. 6 months ago I didn't think i'd be running 10k's.
3 years ago I'd have never imagined going through what I am.
Point is..you can waste alot of energy covering the angles and going over the what ifs ( i still do it) but it is possible to train yourself to wind it in a bit..
The old expression ' you could get hit by a bus tomorrow' rings true......

[Vanilla]

Well said Keegan

Thornton

I have researched the dizziness and stomach issues. I am more than ever convinced it's trapped grief being added to with the recent issues with your walk away.

These are listed as key effects of grief. It's in the lower part of the body an area not usually affected by anxiety in this way.

Here is a list of the key signs of trapped grief:

-The pain of loss intensifies – or feelings of numbness don’t abate at least 6 months to 1 year after the loss.

-Preoccupation with the loss. Intense longing for a lost loved one or former life.

-Bitterness and/or rage.

-Difficulty acknowledging the loss has occurred. Repressing thoughts about the loss. Avoiding situations that are reminders of the loss.

-Depression – especially hopeless thoughts and feelings.

-Apathy – aka ‘giving up because I just don’t care’ – sets in.

-Relationship strain. Problems with intimacy, or withdrawing from friends and social activities.

-Experiencing distressing, intrusive thoughts related to the loss.

-Believing life no longer has meaning or purposeven

Being involved in toxic relationships is a component of grief as it acts as a destruction. There is a phenomenon called complex grief which involves layering trapped grief.

Physical symptoms are:

Pain – It is not unusual to feel achy and have pain throughout the body when grieving. For instance, people who are grieving may find that their stomachs hurt all the time, or they may feel like they have gotten the flu.

Difficulty sleeping – Trouble waking up, trouble sleeping and waking up startled can all be symptoms of grief. It is not uncommon for a grieving person to have one or a combination of several sleep problems.

Changes in appetite – People who are grieving may lose their appetites completely, emotionally overeat or feel nauseous all the time. Excessive weight loss or weight gain should be reported to a doctor.

Shakiness or trembling – Grief can cause some people to be shaky and to tremble.

Dizziness and confusion – Grief can come on so strong that a person may actually feel dizzy and disoriented.

Migraines or headaches – It is not uncommon for a grieving person to develop intense headaches. All the stress on both the emotions and the body can literally make his or her head throb.

Numbness – The initial shock associated with the loss of a loved one often makes the survivor feel completely numb. This is the body’s defense system protecting the grief-stricken from the initial shock. But beware, the numbness will subside, and the grief will take hold.

Shortness of breath

Exhaustion – Grief can strip every ounce of energy from a grieving person. Even the idea of simple tasks, like paying bills or making dinner, can be exhausting.


These are from notes by caregiving and the break the cycle charity courses. There is a lot of material available.

Hope this helps

V

[Thornton]

V,

Wow! This is pretty amazing. Those symptoms basically are me in a nutshell.

Thanks so much for showing me this. I need to talk to IC about this in my next session.

I didn't sleep well last night, woke up at 4am and starting thinking about WAW. I still miss her. I rolled over in bed and there were her pillows, but she wasn't there. Sigh..

I'm hoping my SSRI kicks in soon. Its been about 3 weeks so I should start to feel them take the edge off in a few more weeks.

Still NC with WAW.

[Thornton]

Just got a text from WAW. First contact in almost 2 weeks.

She is going to leave a check at the house so I can pay the cable bill. When she left, she told me she couldn't pay her part of the bills so she could save up to get her own place.

I wonder what changed?

I responded, ok thanks.

[Thornton]

Ugh.. A simple text from WAW has gotten me all spun up. It's easier when I don't hear from her.

I am thankful that she is going to help out with the cable bill, she told me she couldn't help out going forward because she had to save up for her own place.

But hearing from her activates the pain and missing her again...

[pinn]

Ugh.. A simple text from WAW has gotten me all spun up. It's easier when I don't hear from her.

I am thankful that she is going to help out with the cable bill, she told me she couldn't help out going forward because she had to save up for her own place.

But hearing from her activates the pain and missing her again...

I hear ya there thornton.. same thing happens to me. Doesn't really matter what the text is about I always get those same feelings. Just gotta try to get it out of your mind, I know it is hard. Seems like you handled the text well though. Now go do something to get your mind off it. (My last message from WW sent me reeling for 2 weeks)

[Vanilla]

Thornton

Can I suggest you look at the break the cycle website. It's a charity run by a long standing grief psychologist. At first blush it's old fashioned and poorly laid out.
The material is excellent.

My concern is that you are trapped with this grief in a very long spiral including attraction to significant others who may ultimately abandon you. This can change with insight, changing you to a man only a fool would leave and if they are fool you can leave!.

It's very very common to be trapped in childhood grief and this reaction rather than anger is more easily resolved.

Big hugs

V

[Thornton]

Hi V,

I will absolutely check out that website.

Tonight I'm feeling really down. I just miss WAW. I noticed she or her mom picked up some more things from the house today while I was at work. It creates such a lonely feeling in me.

Still struggling with wanting to know why and how this all happened. I go back and forth between feeling betrayed and then wondering what's wrong with me to cause he to want to leave.

I also go back and forth between remembering all the good things about WAW and then forcing myself to think about her negatives.

Just hurting tonight...

[daybyday]

I feel ya. Same with me. Back again and I fear it's over. I find when I think about what she is and has put me through, it's easier to get through the days. Been trying to act business as usual but it's really hard. Hang in there. It's funny. Before the bomb if I would have had the house to myself for a day I would have been Woohoo! But now an empty house is a gut wrenching lonely to the bone feeling. Good luck to you. I will follow your posts.