Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[otw]

Luckily my state require separation first.

[rich4j]

Luckily my state require separation first.

mine does not....which is good if you are the one leaving i guess but don't think its a wise law.....at least from the seat I sit in right now.

[otw]

Our entire society makes it too easy to give up and divorce. I don't want to get started. Everyone today just wants to quit anything if it is hard.

[rich4j]

Agree OTW

I have NO IDEA how I am going to leave our house and move. The thought makes me vomit and cry...I couldn't sleep last night at all thinking about packing, and heading out of our fantastic house & neighborhood. My stomach turns even writing this? How do you get thru this????


We had a long talk last night about the house, where are we going to live, the dogs, etc....then alot of the daggers came out about the relationship which I tried not to respond to. It was so hard and I did my best to keep positive but afterwards just cried in bed on the parts/pieces that I know I screwed up in the relationship and take ownership

I just feel exhausted and unable to move forward. I am trying to play tennis tonight to keep busy but how do others pick up, move and get on with your life? It so hard.

[Thornton]

Hey Rich,

I can relate to how you are feeling. I'm worried about what I'm going to do with my house too. We just moved in 6 months ago after planning this for a year.

It's easy to beat yourself up over the things you did wrong in the relationship, I do that too. But your W wasn't perfect, far from it.

I think the trick is to break life down into really small bite size chunks. Try not to look too far into the future, easier said than done because I struggle with this too.

Just keep breathing.

[rich4j]

Wow thornton...that is not good either

WE planned to find this house for 2 years..lived here ayear and poured alot of time/$$ Old house that i grew to love and fantastic neighborhood. Actually trying to find something near here but not much luck as the $$ cut almost in half doesn't go far

Hard to focus on so many things ...work, kid, Divorce, living arrangements, keeping happy with GAl'ing.....dogs....my head is going to explode

[otw]

i understand that feeling about the house.

we were in our house for 2 years before it all fell apart. I think she kept herself busy for so long woth stuff like finding the house and making it what she wanted that she was fine. then finally she was bored and it was my fault.

I really went into my budget to find a way to keep this house for the kids to remain in the school, their friends etc..

It is hard but i am making it so far.

I just dont get to spend like i did before.

[rich4j]

I just dont get to spend like i did before.

I hear ya on that. I am trying to figure out what this new world could look like and I just get nauseu and a pit in my stomach when i try. I care but don't overall as I just think about my STBX and Daughter I hope I can get out of that rut and fog as it is a good week...then bad week...good week...bad.

[keefa]

rich4j, same as you. desperate to stay in the family home, where the boys were born and grew from babies. Not sure I can. It kinda made me realise. when W walks away, there are so many issues we have to 'deal' with. To me, ironically, the least of these now is my stbxw. I miss my boys first and foremost. I know they are cared for by her but I miss them so much it hurts. I grieve my family life, my loss of fatherhood. My comfort, dreams, financial stability and so on. it seems I bounce from one to the other. Sometimes my coping is better with one topic than it is the others.
Anxiety creeps in too. Where will I live. What will I do with all my stuff. I am 'starting again' Feels like a dream sometimes.

[TimR]

Keefa, That is so sad! I wish you the best of luck getting through it and hope the best for you and your boys. My kids are stepkids and I love them like they are all mine. Unfortunately, she has one who will not really talk to me now. The other clings to me but I think that makes her even more bitter about me. Just like you, I need to focus on my kids. The financial stuff will work out. You and I will make more money and build up again. It is the hurt of the loss of the family we need to get through. I wish you the best!!