I could not disagree more. So far, every time you have approached W, she has pulled back
That is why I said that if she wants to "show her the way home," then just state the boundaries and then just let it be. The ball is in Ws court. Let her sit there with it and make her decision to either break it off or not. Meanwhile NYGal goes on and lives as if she is moving on and happy to do so.
Just my thoughts.
((((NYGal))))
Oh, and I would just ask her what she's talking about. Changed your mind about what? If she says about your R, that would be the perfect opportunity to set your boundaries so she will know what you expect. Then, just let it be.
Goodnight.......I really am going to sleep now! Going to be so tired tonight.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Over 7 hours ago I texted W back, "Change my mind about what?" Nothing in return. She's DBing me! And she didn't drop off the darn plastic bags in my bike bag, either. I guess I pi$$ed her off. Oh well. In 7 minutes I get to go work out. Woo hoo!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Just checking in on you NYGal. I am glad you texted back what you did. I am not sure which way I think you should go, but either way I would think that keeping busy with GAL and NOT flirting would be in your best interests.
Ok...ok. Here's my thoughts on what could have been handled a bit better.
W was freaking out when she couldn't reach you, tried to stop by your office, blowing up your smartphone because SHE has this deep-seated fear that she's lost you. That is how it should be AND you could have it made by not even talking to her or taking her phone call.
As others said here, W was just temp checking to make sure you're still where she wants you to be at: Plan B. It's as simple as that. Now that you've had a talk with W, do you notice how she's gone back to radio silence? It's because, in her mind, you have made it clear that you're still there no matter what.
Next time W panics, stay dark. Let her flip out for once at the terrifying prospect of losing you. She would move heaven and earth to dump OW to make sure that you don't disappear from her life. Do you see that now?
And you come here asking when "I can date her?"!!! Don't even think about it. You are the PRIZE here, not sloppy seconds.
Why don't you start adopting the attitude of my hot blonde Italian gal? Not giving me the time of the day and making me sweat! That is how attraction works. Not rocket science at all.
No more flirting. No more being TOO AVAILABLE. Boring!
Start being 'too busy' to take her calls or even waiting by your office window to catch a glimpse of W when she walks by your building.
Wonka, I wish I had seen this 30 min ago. You are right. Because I took several steps backwards last night and this morning. She panicked when I asked her to just drop off the darn bags, thinking I had changed my mind about something. I should have started then. But I'm starting now. I just gave her a latte when she came by my office, at my request. Slap me, I totally deserve it. I'm not going to contact her again this week. Promise. I'm an idiot. She knows she has me in the palm of her hand. We have a weird co-dependent relationship. I'm waiting for the library to have the book Co-dependent No More so I can read it.
Back to DBing full time now. NC,or very dim, GAL, you name it. I set myself back a month at least, but now I have a very clear picture of what works and what doesn't. That may be the best lesson.
Hey everyone, LISTEN TO WONKA!And MB and Rain and Rouky and Azzork and Fo and Painter and everyone else on here. They know what they're talking about.
I'm eating humble pie.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Wonka, I wish I had seen this 30 min ago. You are right. Because I took several steps backwards last night and this morning.
All you had to do was mention something to me. I would have told you the coffee was a bad idea!
Originally Posted By: NYGal
I'm eating humble pie.
I thought you ate 2 donuts? ? ?
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Hi NYGAL, I don't think I know what I'm talking about. Been kind of dark with STBXH, unfortunately there are not much baby steps. I think I was too happy last time I wrote on my post :-)!
I did eat two donuts, and it sure felt like humble pie, MB! Update: W texted: "I've been trying to call you." Me: I was in meetings. I'm here now. She called. Thanked me for latte. Said I looked very nice. Said "I know I'm crazy so I'm sorry you're involved with a crazy woman." Then we talked about mops and floor steamers. Yes, really. It's our default conversation: house stuff. Then she said: "I want you to know I'm doing some serious thinking. I miss our life together." Me: Well, I do too, and I think we need to take this time and figure out how to do it better the next time, if that's where we end up. She agreed.
I do believe she responds well to positive reinforcement about us. It may allow her to cake eat a bit. (A lot.) But I think that coupled with me GALing lets her see what she's missing and how it could be. If she ever can let go of this ow...
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm glad you're feeling hopeful. She's confirming that she has feelings for you, she's not blaming you, and those are very positive things. But be careful about her playing both sides. She did after all spread some rumors about you, and she's still with OW.
I think she's avoiding responsibility calling herself 'crazy'. It's like she gives herself a pass for anything she has done or might do. 'Self-indulgent' might be a better word. Don't let her off so easily. You probably just want things to go back to the way they were and forget about this unfortunate incident, but how do you know it won't happen again?
If you were to consider getting back with her at some point, I would want to know why she thinks she did it. Was it boredom? Was there something she was really missing in the R with you? What made her feel that this was the right thing to do?
And I would be very worried about being dependent on her in any way again.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
