11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
LOL no he gave me a hug. I asked if anything was wrong since he just popped up. He said no..I have the day off, just wantee to see the kids for a while. Then went to my bedroom. Came back out. The kids woke up. He got a call he didn't answer then maybe 20 minutes later went to the bathroom. I assumed he would be texting so I jumped on here but he came back out quickly. I could never have an affair, what they feel as excitement just aged me 5 years! Now he's talking to his mom. He thinks Im texting my sister. i did not lie. I did answer her text before writing this.
And the book being out. Geez. I sat on the book. It was on the couch. Then he asked me for coffee. I said. Uh not sure I have any. You can check. Then I stuffed the book behind the couch cushion.
THEN when he took the kids to the kitchen I grabbed it and wrapped it in my hoodie and tried to causully walk by. Ugh. Finally I got to the nursery and its now in the babies closet. Phew.
Be careful. Don't get caught on here. Use this time to be the woman he'd be a fool to leave. Give him your attention while still setting boundaries. Make this one count!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
He is still here. He played with the kids. We went for a walk with them and when they napped we watched tv. That phone is the bane of my existence and it's been very difficult to keep my mouth shut. He knows this so he was telling me who some of the texts were from. But with our history (he has done that before then stayed quiet when it was ows texts or cam girl emails) it just leaves me with that same feeling. Because he will say oh its my mom. Or wow XX from work keeps texting me. Then will be silent for the following few. This is no way to live.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Hey Rain, just catching up. I am still celebrating the way you handled the phone call last week, but I want you to challenge yourself now to keep the focus on you. I just skimmed this 10 page thread and didn't see much of that. Of course if filled up quickly and you've been through a lot...but still, you have work to do.
I have posted a bit on JulieH's thread, InPain's thread, and Ciluzen's. Check them out. Your sitch reminds me of Inpain's.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Rain, can you set a no phone boundary when you are together? It might be a start.... LOL like I know anything. Now I will go to my thread and see how bad I messed up today... So confusing.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Rain, can you set a no phone boundary when you are together? It might be a start.... LOL like I know anything. Now I will go to my thread and see how bad I messed up today... So confusing.
I will answer your question then we need to analyze your W...you know I love doing that.
NYgal. I tried to tell him about leaving his phone in his car once before. It was a disaster. He refused and then I got advice here (If I remember correctly from Pink and Zues) not to pressure him about his stupid phone. To him it's seen as me trying to control him. Now to your conversation with W...
You may be upset with everyones advice but I think theyre right. Just let me explain why. When XF wanted us to be together again but only if I was okay with no transparency and the possibility of more As I (and all of You) were flabbergasted. I said no and you and everyone else advised me to stay strong and not give in to that kind of relationship simply because I miss him and miss our family.
When I read that W was asking you to hide your conversation and also making plans with you that would have to be kept a secret I felt the same way you did when XF wanted to give me less than. No, no, no! We are NOT plan B.
When people say be the OW to the ow, they don't mean it literally. It's not to start an A and be kept hidden and a secret. They mean that by GALing and moving on (not dating but not waiting) that we can possibly become to our SO what ow was before. The woman that they can't get off their mind, the one they think of constantly. The one that ow must now live up to (which they CAN'T because we are so unbelievably great!). The ones that now make them reconsider if they've made a horrible mistake.
So just like XFs offer was just not enough, neither is Ws. It just isn't sweetie.
Lastly when mines PA ended by his choice btw...we stayed together. I shouldn't have. It's also true that when you R too quickly it. Doesnt. Work. That blasted ow is still fresh in their minds and they will cycle. Mine cycled by starting an EA. Some cycle by simply going back to R/M and continuing to pursue ow on the side again. It's not fun and It's not pretty.
So NYG, the same way you all want better for me than to accept XFs bs offer, we want the best for you. That's for W to be completely done with ow. Completely. And for you two to do the work and move forward from a better and stronger place so as to build a brand new M.
(((((NYGal)))))
You got this. Before you were sad and reeling thinking W forgot about you. But clearly she hasn't. and trust me ow, the lot of them, got our S through secrecy and deception. They are so much more intune when they feel something is "off". Ow in our life told me she always knew when XF missed me or was texting me. He was colder to her. He would even tell her..since she was always SO understanding. LOL. He would tell her, I don't know what I would do if Rain moves away because of what I'm doing.
She would stay calm and tell him that it would be okay. Then they could really be together and if Rain won't let US see the kids WE can take her to court. At least one time he told her to mind her business. And that there was no WE because they are Rain and my kids. And I just dont want her to move away from me. So, they fought that night..her understanding facade went out the window.
This was all told to me by ow btw, you all know I believe nothibg XF says. My poiny of the above is that the APs can sense when they're number 1 spot is in jeopardy. They start to become us and get jealous and fight. Ahhh karma.
Also, though that happened, guess what? He was still an ass to me and he still kept that A going. So your best bet is to stay away from the A and the crazy.
Thinking of you and hoping for the best. You deserve it.
i did not lie. I did answer her text before writing this. 