V is for Vanilla 27

[Vanilla]

Big hug back Zephyr.

I know you like big big hugs. I am very good at hugs.

V

[Vanilla]

Love you V

Love you back

V

[Vanilla]

V,

This journey we're all on is not measured by time. We gain ground by finding out who we are, deciding who we would like to be, and taking action. It may take a long time to do these things, but there is no greater journey in life.

Peace to you and your troubles - this to shall pass.

Sci thank you for reminding me to let it all unfold in time.

Very comforting to me.

I have been very tearful of late. Slightly lost and certainly panicky.

Bewildered by the trauma and what WH will do next. I am afraid of him, it may be irrational.

V

[Squiggy]

Catching up on your posts V. You've been through times before in your sitch and made it through. You can do it again.

Long distance bear hugs!

[Thornton]

Sorry you are struggling V. Sending positive vibes your way.

[Sotto]

Hi V, sorry you're having a rough time. I think the panics are probably irrational, but perfectly understandable. I feel that way sometimes - as though there is something imminent to worry about - then I remember I am perfectly safe and mistress of my own destiny.

Keep on with the self-care in a rounded way - good food, activity, good friends, little treats, dancing - and you'll get there.

Take care xx

[Vanilla]

Catching up on your posts V. You've been through times before in your sitch and made it through. You can do it again.

Long distance bear hugs!

Bear hugs back

Dear giggly!

V

[Vanilla]

Thank you for the encouragement Thornton.

Did you know Thorntons is a delectable brand of Belgium chocs in the UK?

So the name has yumminess.

V

[Vanilla]

Sotto,

I am making a diary of my low and high points so I know how it goes.

When this happens I do loose track of extreme self care.

V

[Vanilla]

So an examination of my role in the breakdown of my M

I have always accepted this, in fact I took the whole blame fully which isn't realistic

So as I begin to drop the blame and the shame and evaluate as fairly as I can

1. My lack of boundaries:
I had almost no boundaries at all. I only enforced when truly threatened

2. My lack of extreme care:
I put on weight to protect myself from WH and stopped caring for me
Food, exercise, lack of GAL, not dancing, going to see my family and friends

3. My failure to enforce the few boundaries I had
I permitted ranting and bad behaviour by WH and briefly had screaming banshee emerge

4. My permission to be abused
I allowed myself to be abused as I believed I deserved it

5. My focus on work
Work became my focus to be out of the house

6. My giving up my space
I moved out of the MBR, left WH to the living room

7. My being the responsible one emanating from my unacknowledged FOO

I paid for almost everything allowing WH freedom to do as he pleased

8. My silence and failure to Validate WH

I stayed silent on the abuse

9. My PTSD

Not seeking help for this sooner
-------------------------------

Things I am not responsible for

1. His wayward behaviour

2. His gambling, spending and drinking smoking eating rubbish

3. His anger

4. His opinions and beliefs

5. His redundancy

6. His poor choices

7. His refusal to address his stuff, have IC, go to MC, go to GA

8. His abusive behaviour


------------------------------------

If I think of more I will add

I am working on my action plan to address the things I am responsible for


V