That's what I'm thinking IP, STBXH thinks that I was cold with him and now me ignoring him reinforces his beliefs. Now I couldn't care less what he thinks, I'm doing it to protect myself and get my sanity back. I still have feelings for him but I don't know if it's really love now. I have put my fate in God's hand (which is funny because I'm not such a believer) and I'm just riding the wave.
IP thank you for your best wishes. I hope it goes well for my mum. I can't fix it, so it will all be fine :-).
Thinking of you and your mom tomorrow, Rouky. ((((Rouky's mom)))
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Buenos dias Rouky! I am praying for your mom and for all of your family. I can't help but feel that everything is going to be OK. Surely your mother is as beautiful as you are and she must be very proud of such an amazing daughter as you. You have a limitless capacity to love and you have inherited much of that from your parents. Trust God in all of this as he has gifted us to live in the glory days of medicine. I have learned first hand just how wonderful the treatments are and am very happy to have been given an extension on my life. Your mom will also and I hope that through all of this that you all are drawn closer together. As unfortunate as it is to be here I think that we are learning just exactly what is most important about life and for me I have recognized that there are certain people who are there for us no matter what. I love you Rouky and I will be thinking about you today and sending you positive vibes as are I'm sure many of your fans here. Dios bendiga mi amor!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I'm a slow learner but getting there. I set myself few goals at work today and I achieved all of them, I can't tell you how pride I am. Now I can see why STBXH is goal driven. In a couple of weeks it will be a year since I got told about his A, on Valentine's day! Great, so this year I have decided to start a new tradition with my girls. I'll get them a Valentine's present and cook their favourite food!
On STBXH, nothing to report as I have gone dark. I know i can't go dark forever as he's the father of my children, unfortunately I need this space and time to go back to myself! I'll probably be strong enough once I'm in my new house, then I can think about what my next moves are.
It still hurts to think about where I am now, but I'm no longer crying. The betrayal is horrible as there is nothing I can do. He has to go through his journey and me mine. Don't really think that our emotional path will cross again, and I now believe I won't be a success in saving my M, but I'll be by leading a better life. I have already noticed few changes and it's going to be a long journey that I'm ready to embrace.
I won't lie by saying I don't feel lonely in the evening, but not to the point to date someone for the same of dating. One day I'll meet someone who I'm worthy of and who will make me feel special. Now isn't the time.
Rouky I love to read your posts because you are so wise. I shudder to think of having to go through what you have. You have however done it with grace and with dignity that I will strive to match. Sorry that you have the reminder coming up of Valentines Day and having to feel the impact of BD on a day that should be so much fun. I can promise you that you are going to hear from me on Valentines Day!
I hope that your week is going well and that you have some fun things planned for the weekend. I imagine you cuddling with your kids and how sweet that must be for you. S13 has been sleeping in my bed when he is here and he is very affectionate when we are hanging out. I hope that it doesn't mean that he is having a hard time but it probably does. This isn't about me though because we are staying positive today and nothing will bring us down! Love you Rouky and see you soon>
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Had a rough session with IC today. I'm all over the shop and she tried to reassure me that with what I'm dealing with at the moment it's going to be easy as it's a lot in one go.
I have detached physically from STBXH as I when I see pictures of him I don't find him attractive anymore. The hardest part is the emotional side as IC pointed out. I realised that it's going to take me longer then I thought to recover. I need to break this circle of negativity and as I have been influenced by this for 40 years now it's going to be hard!
I need to be a good role model so my kids are happy within themselves.
On STBXH front. He doesn't even say hi or by ( mind you I don't either). He picked the kids up today. I'm giving him the same treatment that he's giving the first mother of his child! I have become even colder than he said I was.
Obviously it's not working! I don't know what to do, not even sure that I want to save my M. It's going to be a year next week about the A. STBXH seems happy enough. Maybe we grew apart, maybe we were a Mitch Match from the beginning. I fell for him because I was lonely and happy that he'd pay attention to me.
I have been plagued by loads and loads of self doubts this week, and even if I got good feedback on my observation, and people really cared about me, I still believe that I wasn't worth all this praise and concerned from my friends.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Rain and cold today but I woke up happy. Don't ask me why, how but I was happy. I think my work with IC yesterday shook me a lot, and on the other hand I have to stop to feel sorry for myself! Not being attractive at all.
Haven't seen physically STBXH for the last 2 weeks, and this morning I was in the kitchen when he came earlier. He said hi and asked me how I was. I was cheerful and said fine. What I see from his actions is that he still wants to come I to the house. I asked him if he could do something for me and he did. He is spending more time with our kids than with his first D, which was my worry that he'd act the same way. We are communicating by text for the kids or house matters, and he is rapid to read them ( on average within half an hour). Even when we were together it could take him up to 2 hours. I don't see it as baby step as he is probably texting OW, although I appreciate his rapidish reply.
I have banned but from my vocabulary and I can't tell you how much better I feel. I started validated STBXH and friends without really believing it, until yesterday when I texted STBXH for a leak and I really meant what I said. It wasn't forced, and I felt great.
I still have ups and downs, and I'm reaching acceptance that my M is over. I don't want to wait for him anymore. I now believe that I was meant to meet him and feel this pain as for so long I have been relying on others to feel love, whereas now I see that it has to come from within. Still days where I have hope and others were I'm throwing the towel in! How is that? I don't know.
Girls have said I'm more relaxed and I know I am. I only need to come to term that I'll still love him even if we are not together. I have my faults and I was expecting him to make me happy. I'm a caring and loving person and I haven't shown it to STBXH. What I have learnt so far is for too long I put off my inner happiness by expecting someone to fill this for me. I doesn't work that way.
I'm on a journey of self discovery. I have faith that God has a plan for me. I'm not a nasty person and I don't want to have the same relationship that my STBXH has with his ex. If he is happy with OW, there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe him like me, we had to meet each other, go through all we have been to realise who we really are.
I am proud of you Rouky. You emanate courage and fortitude and I am so inspired by you. I admire the fact that you can look inward at this moment and are able to work on things in your own life and rebuild yourself from the inside out. The work in counseling is tough but it gets easier. Sometimes it takes some time for things to sink in and their job is to keep you focused on what needs addressed. Hang in there girl as it is a rocky road. Talk to you again soon!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
