She feels that I neglected her and shared no intimacy which is true. I felt paralized in approaching her as she did nothing to enhance our intimacy either. We were both tired in the evenings and hardly ever spent quality time together. The porn became a fantasy of what could be betweeen us but never materialised.
She bas continued to vent her frustration over me not leaving. She says I should be a man and not want to see my wife suffering like this. She says she needs to work through the pain that I have caused her. She says that she believes that my aim is to go away, cure my self and be a better man and then expect to just turn up one day and be part of the family again. She thinks everything is about me as usual and I should have the integrity to hold my hands up for what I have done and walk out of the door.
She approached me with a proposal for our living arrangements. She wants to release money invested in the house to allow me to find somehere to live. I had agreed to pay my share of the mortgage to keep the children at home and have our house in the event of a reconciliation. She still wants to pursue the divorce and I know that my rights may affected if I leave but staying around in this toxic atmosphere is not helping as she is not interested in me and hates me being under her feet.
If I give her space and move out could that help the relationship in the long run? I'm so confused as I want us to save the marriage but she is dead set on divorce and moving on.
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
She is not looking out for your or the children's best interests right now, and she will not appreciate you more for moving out - meaning, it won't save the M. You will shoot yourself in the foot if you move out. This is valuable time for you to remain in the same house and divorcebust.
So that is still my opinion.
Did you talk to a lawyer before you agreed to financial arrangements? Does your W have a L? Do you?
She is *feeling* things. Feelings change. Our feelings are influenced of how we interpret situations. It is usually not wise to make decisions based on feelings.
For instance right now, you are leaning towards feeling she is right because she's making you feel guilty. How would you feel if you found out she has a lover and just wants you out of the way so she can move him in? Would you feel differently? I bet you would...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I suspect she is planning an affair via whatsapp. She sleeps with her phone under her pillow. Should I attempt to snoop? It's killing me but I need to know the truth and know that she will not be honest about it.
In 2010 we separated for a year and she had two affairs. The first happened after a month of me moving out. She continued to flirt online and like men to give her attention.
After doing a 180 she started to gain interest in me and realized that another man was not going to make her happy and believed that it was better the devil you know so took me back.
This time with the divorce it looks terminal. I know I have to get a life but I am struggling to detach especially as we are still living together. I feel hooked on her like a drug. She keeps trying to push me out of the door with the proposal of remortgaging the house and releasing money for me to pay for an apartment. She is so desperate to get me out and I fear it is possibly because she has other interests. If she needed to work on the hurt, surely she doesn't need me out of sight so quickly?
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
My wife and I have been more amicable towards each other over the last 2 days. She talks to me about the marriage more and feels that I wouldn't listen to her, preferring to withdraw and go into my own world and watch porn and become defensive rather than discuss our issues. She feels that she tried to reach out to me to do something but I never did and just buried my head in the sand.
I admit I was pulling away instead of validating her feelings but I just didn't hear her. I felt paralyzed and unable to act.This made me just dismiss our issues and become resentful of her.
Why could she not get through? Why did I become so complaicent? I was always fearful of loosing her and would write her letters telling her that I would change but never really did for long and things would just go back to how they were. She says that she had no option but to take drastic action and file for divorce.
Now I am left devastated and clinging on hoping to save the marriage. She doesn't see a future as we separated before but everything went back to how it was without us dealing with our problems and just carrying on as normal.
Is this a typical scenario? Am I a bad person unable to maintain a relationship because I cannot approach difficult emotional situations constructively? I feel like a failure but still have hope in the future.
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
I have been trying to be up beat and taking care of the kids and getting along with my wife. Last night after another good day as a family, I noticed my wife looking at me lovingly. I pretended not to notice. Later when the kids had gone to bed, we were watching TV and again she looked at me with a smile and said " I want us to be friends" she then hugged me at length. I then said that I want to be her friend but as long as she realizes how I feel about her. She said that she rather I didn't have those feelings and that our relationship would be more platonic?
I felt terrible and wondered if it's out of guilt because of another man or if she needs me to be around in her life for the sake of the kids and a shoulder to cry on.
How should I interpret her behavior. Is this a good thing to help me win her back or am I kidding myself?
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
I am no expert but she told you straight up that she didn't want you to have those feelings. From what I've read on this board it's not a sign of hope. My WW wants to be friends and I'm playing along for now but I've told my WW that we will NOT be friends if we divorce. She is not happy about that but I need to do that for my own protection. Why would you or I want to be friends with someone who is firing us from the job of husband?
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
That's my problem. I know that just being her friend is not what you or I want but it's the only option available. What is the alternative? Not communicate again? I have two young kids and my w and I will have to speak often for their sake. I am worried that if I leave a void in her life, it will be filled by another guy and I will be just be on the sideline for when she needs me.
Michelle must have encountered this kind of situation and have a possible solution on how to deal with it? It's easy for others to say detach and GAL but when your family is your life and you have always put them first you are fighting against everything you know.
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
I hear you and feel your pain excile101. I have a D3 so I will have to communicate with my WW as well. Although I haven't been as good of a husband as I should have been, being a dad has not been an issue. I also feel your dilemma. Communication was a big issue for my M as well and I will need to communicate with WW. I won't be cold but I'm not planning on being overly friendly either. It's a fine line to walk and I'm still trying to figure out where it's at.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
We separated 5 years ago. She went crazy and started dating after I left. I became her friend and rock. She didn't want me as a husband and I stuck it out watching two guys have her and her coming to me for support when each affair failed. In the end she realized that the grass was not greener and we reconciled after 9 months of hell. I did a 180 and it eventually worked. All I know is that deep feelings are always there, it just depends if the ww wants to guide them back to the marriage. My w has filed now so it doesn't look good. I am still in the house and can only be the best version of myself that I can and hope that when I do go, she will miss me for the right reasons. How are you coping? Do you live separately?
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
